Just Wondering What Others Think
Yesterday ss got his yearbook at school. Ss of course was one of the only kids if not the only one that had to get two yearbooks because Bm had to have one too. I feel bad for ss always having to be different from all of the other kids. I know that there are a lot of kids who come from divorced homes but no one else had two yearbooks.
The only solution that I can think of is for us to not order one. Then I thought to myself, "but ss lives here. This is his permanent residence so why shouldn't he get to keep a yearbook here?"
I think that Bm just sees all of it as a competition instead of getting a yearbook for ss. SHE has to have one because WE have one. I almost bet that in 5 years or less any yearbook that she has over there will be lost, never to be seen again. That's just how she lives.
The really pathetic part is that when the school gave the kids time to have their friends and teachers sign their yearbooks,ss got most of the signatures in the book that stays here. However, he didn't want his mom to be upset that hers didn't have any signatures in it so he made two kids sign the yearbook that was going to his mom's house just for Bm to feel better.
Dawn
- Dawn-Moderator's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
i dont see a problem
sorry but i always had to get 2 of every picture of mine one for mum one for dad i didnt live with my dad but he always wanted to see new pics of me and stuff he stil has them all now
life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )
I can understand that more
than I can understand 2 yearbooks. A yearbook is more personal to the student than the parent.
i agree w 2 pics, not yearbooks
yearbooks are for the kids, pics are for parents. the book is for the kid to have his friends sign and keep so he can reflect on those times...i think BM is being really selfish and its so sad that yr SS is caught in the middle of living his NORMAL life w you and trying to make her happy.
A little different
No one really notices how many pictures you order. Ss has had two sets of pictures ordered a lot. While sometimes Bm forgets to order or one or the other chooses to not order any. None of the other kids realizes that.
Dawn
I feel bad for SS
He must have to explain to his friends why he has two yearbooks. My SD gets one paid for by us. She brings it back and forth between the houses to show BM as and when it suits her. Why would BM want her kid to go through the unnecessary embarassment or inconvenience for that matter at school? The book is for the child not the adult in my opinion.
exactly!
All of ss's yearbooks are in his room for him to look at or whatever. It's not like you hang them on the wall.
He always has to be the kid that is different because of Bm.
Dawn
oh i just htought it was like
like photos sorry im not very in touch with how dif countries work i live in england
life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )
I always buy a year book for BS's....
SM usually seems to try to get one first then says it's ridiculous to get two. I want one here. So I tell her, if she doesn't care if one is there not to buy it. Then she sends in money. We get along on most things, so I don't make a fuss on this one. I think it's a BM's right to have a copy of the kids' yearbooks. I know that they throw a lot of stuff away at my sons' dad and SM's house, and I want to make sure my BS's have their yearbooks when they grow up. That's all there is to it for me.
My sons have never complained about seeming "different" than the other kids about anything...of course I think there are a ton of blended kids in their school, so I'm pretty sure they aren't the "different" ones.
I would relax on this one. If BM wants a copy to keep, then what's the harm really?
“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks
No harm
If Bm wants one that's fine. However, ss shouldn't have to feel that he has to go out of his way to come up with signatures for it. I just feel that Bm gives ss the impression that she will have a fit or something if he doesn't have signatures. I just found it weird when he said that.
Also, my ss's mom only wants to be involved in the fun stuff that is school related so the yearbook is right up her alley.
Your situation sounds just the reverse of ours. We are the ones that will have the copies of the yearbooks for when ss grows up.
Dawn
Raise your hand if your parents embarrassed you as a kid.
Yeah, just what I thought. Me, too. All kids feel like their parents are an embarrassing inconvenience every now and then. It's part of being a kid. If BM wants to buy a yearbook, let her buy one. If you want to buy one, then buy one. If you each want to order ten, then order ten. If SS feels uncomfortable by something his mother says or does, then he needs to address it with her. She's not the custodial parent, but she's still a parent and if she wants to spend her money on an extra yearbook, well, that's her call. Who cares why she's doing it or what'll happen to the yearbook down the road? It doesn't directly impact you, so I wouldn't worry about it. SS is getting old enough that he needs to fight his own battles with his mother and he's certainly not the first or only kid to have to make explanations for having an embarrassing parent.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I'm sufficating!
I could really use some advice! My situation is an odd one, and kinda long, but I'll try to sum it up. I'm 26 years old and have an eight year old son with my husband. We were a young couple who divorced almost right away, and remained that way for seven years. During that time, I only heard two phone calls from him while he was in drunken regret. Then, he came back around and wanted to work things out. We married again, but I don't think anyone could warn me of what I was going to walk into. While we were apart, he created two more children. One whom was adopted by another man (moral conflict there), and one who we only see once in awhile. In fact, this is the first we've seen of her in a year. I'm so frustrated! At first the ex was fine with us being together, and now she makes our lives hell. Changing phone numbers, not contacting us, texting mean things to me, threats, it's the nightmare we all dread! Then money was needed so we suddenly starting getting contacted. We have her now, and she's young. I thought this was a good thing, get to know her well young so the mean o'step mom image could be kicked right away. OH WAS I WRONG! She is only 3 1/2. Was shocked she was still in diapers, so that was our fist task. Three weeks later, she pees in the potty! But, gma from the other side slays me after keeping her for a weekend, saying, in a round about way, how she doesn't want to scare her from the potty by being mean, so she wore the pull ups.
Now, don't get me wrong, when the child laughs in your face while pooping her pants, it's frustrating. It's only defying me, it's a game. Her laughing means she knows better and just wants to push buttons.....BUT I keep my cool. I don't scare her to death; but wont reward her either. Not only is gma on my tail about it, but D wont help. I'll tell the child to do something, she says "No" and runs off. He sits, and stares. I look at him and he says "What? I can't do anything".
PFFFT! For a man who has created so many lives, he sure doesn't know what to do with them. So, I've kept my cool, haven't said a word to M back home. Haven't heard anything from her either, other than an angry text. Try to ignore gma's backstabbing comments while fitting her every need, but now, now I'm beyond livid, I'm ready to run away. The child came home from a weekend visit with Gma, and she followed my son around calling him a stupid jerk all night. Kept telling her those words were ugly, and not to say them in my house. She'd laugh and say it anyway. D, again, sits, nothing. Bed time rolls around, I lean in to tuck her in, and right infront of my son, she kicks me in the tummy and yells, "YOU ARE BAD!! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
In all this frustration, we all know that the child is not always to blame. Lord knows what this child hears, and obviously what she hears is not encouraging. What do I do? I'm not allowed to say anything to the ex, or her family. I am to shut up, yet spend every minute of my day loving and taking care of this child. I had to break the bad habbit of carrying a sippie cup 24-7 (calls it a "baba"), don't get me wrong, I was gentle, and she hasn't said one word about it since she lost it (yes, she lost it). Had to potty train, we are working on speech because she's pretty far behind. She smacks everyone, she wont share, she slams her door all the time, oh lordy, this list could go on. But I'm not allowed to defend myself? If I had my way this M would be investigated, or evaluated. But that's just it. I'm expected to slave and mute. And when I say it's hard to send her back home, I'm told "She's not mine, back off".
I know I'm young. I'm not the o'experienced wise one....but I also know my son is turning out to be an amazing child, so I must do something right, right? And I also know that a lazy bitter parent may need guidance b/c it's only going to hurt the child with out it. Also, I know that slaying me to this child is only going to ruin her life, no one else's. What do I do?
You know, we may have
You know, we may have ordered duplicate yearbooks for skids too. only after reading this did it occur to me that we have have put the kids in the same situation. In their ELEMENTARY school (how stupid is that?) you order yearbooks with your picture order. It is very possible that bm checked the little box like we did. I guess we'll find out at the end of the year
We certainly didn't do it out of spite although we could have as her house sounds similar to your bm - it is a black hole. The kids already make sure that they "remember" important school papers because we have a box to hold important school papers - bm just throws them away, ruins or loses them.
Anyway, I guess I'm saying it could have been accidental.
No
It wasn't accidental and I guess it was partially our fault. The yearbooks this year cost $22.50 each. I think we got something in the mail since ss lives here and Dh told Bm about it and told her that if she wanted one, we would need her money up front before she would get one. We had to do that with ss's school pictures too and Bm never gave us the money, so she didn't get any pictures ordered. Dh feels guilty about letting Bm find things out for herself. Even though when she had custody of ss, she never told us anything. We had to fight for info tooth and nail!!!!
So, if we hadn't brought it to her attention, she would have never checked into getting one herself. She's not that motivated. She rarely checks the school website to look at the calendar or the homework or anything. Almost all of the activities are on the school website. Someone might say "oh well poor Bm doesn't have internet access"..........well, she sure finds the time to be on MySpace looking for men.
Dawn
I agree with the purchasing of two yearbooks...
but then her just keeping one that remains unsigned.
If she wants it for the sentimental reasons then she can foot the cost. But having two of them signed? That just seems silly to me. The signatures will only matter to SS anyways, so the one he wants to keep at his primary residence can contain the signatures.
If I remember right, there wasn't a lot of time to get ONE signature let alone TWO on "yearbook signing day".
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Right
I just don't like ss feeling like he is pressured to coddle his mother because she has issues. You're right. He didn't have time for double signatures. That's why I guess he just picked a couple people to sign the one for Bm.
Dawn