Thanks for all your comments. I appreciate them. Yes, I see that I am a doormat.I am starting to realise that. I do love to cook and take care of my kids just the same so it's not a problem to care for him too. I do love him. His ex just rides him and so does his kids. He's so gentle and kind so they take advantage and he allows it. He is an enabler. It's so hard to be on your own and I am so afraid to make a decision right now. I don't know how else to make him happy. He treats my BS well but at times, he can be harsh with his viewpoint yet his kids are all problematic. I have another year of study left. I do work and earn a good salary but my daughters university fees is draining me at the moment. Another three years to go...

Also, I see that I could be co-dependent. I have no friends and no activity outside of my marriage. I need to start building a separate identity again. Baby steps...

I agree, supporting your kids is a must. But, giving them cars, Internet, cell phones and pocket money as well as medical aid is not going to make them independent sooner. They pay nothing towards utilities and mortgages.

He says that he does it for his kids and the ex just happens to live with his kids. She's bi-polar. So its not his fault that they live with mum. He spent lots of money making the property liveable for them. He did that for the previous property that they lived in but it was too small for them (4 people; 4 bedrooms) so they moved into the bigger property. (5 bedrooms, 2 lounges, 3 baths). Now, the eldest is moving out so it's just the 3 of them.

He would never loan me money for a down payment on a property in my name which I can rent out. But, I can try...

Well, surprise,surprise...DH mention that he wanted to buy another property in the vicinity where he works and he mentioned to me that he doesn't treat me like a doormat and that I feel that way. So, I snatched upon the opportunity to suggest that he give me a down payment for a property that I can buy in my own name and rent out so that if things don't work out then I have some place to go.

Well, first he said property isn't a good investment idea right now. I said but you just mentioned that you wanted to buy a property. I said I feel like a doormat because unlike other marriages, I feel that we are not building an asset together. It's five years later and I have just paid the expenses for his household with my INCOME and I have nothing to show for all my hard work . I said that I might has well have stayed home theses past five years. Then he tried to make out that my expenses are not so much so I again broke it down.

Then he said that you're paying university fees so I said yes, I am at that stage of my life where I must pay fees same as you paid for courses etc. for your kids(silly expensive courses where they can't find good paying jobs). I didn't mention the continuous failures and extended period to obtain a first qualification/courses which he bank rolled. I could see that he won't let me have the down payment so I just said: "Leave it,I will wait until BD is finished with university and then I will save for a down payment. I said it will take me two to three years". I also mentioned that the prenuptial is structured in such a way that whatever I buy will form part of our joint estate. But he wasn't biting.
Before I joined this websites, I would have fallen for his kind words this morning but now I see that it's a form of control over me to keep me from leaving. He doesn't realise when you love someone, you don't make them feel insecure.
The next morning he says: you're my last chance at happiness. I will be sad if you leave me. There will be no one after you.

Hi, you are all quite right. I accepted less because I thought that a little is better than nothing.

DH paid his ex wife out her 50% and gave her a house. But she spent everything and lost the house and car he gave her. Alimony stopped 6 years ago but he still helps her financially with no repayment. She pleads ignorance in budgeting.

As for me, even though I pay the expenses in his household, every cent I spend on my kids must be explained to him. My kids dad is an absent father who earns very little. He pays minimal maintenance and medical aid. So I pay all my kids other expenses. He tells me that his kids mum is an "absent" mother too. So its the same for him as it is for me.

The prenuptial was his lawyer. I had no assets to declare. I lost everything in my divorce and was saddled with debt since it was in my name.

He's coughing up 250k to build his pregnant daughter a garden flat to live in. But, it's an asset before marriage so I don't benefit from the expense. Thing is, he is using money saved from our marriage to build the property.
What are my rights? Should I be asking him where the money for the property is coming from?

Hi all, I pay half for the non existent mortgage. He says it's not his fault that he paid off the mortgage with his own money so he 'pretends' there is a mortgage payment in conjunction with the household costs. We then divide the amount 1 to 3 since I must pay for my 2 kids as well. So, I end up paying for all the expenses in his property.

He felt that I shouldn't benefit from his pre-marriage money. The interest saved by paying off the mortgage is his saving.

I'm really just a room mate and cook. The bedroom is non existent.
No, I didn't know that he would be supporting his ex wife and adult kids this far down the line. Ex wife spent all her assets so he had to take care of her because she lives with the kids.

Hi, let's revist. The house I asked him to fund a downpayment for will form part of the joint property bought in marriage. In other words, it's his asset. I did not give the complete picture. Initially, he wanted me to buy a property in my name but in a rural area for retiring to. Next, he wanted a property near his work place. I would rather use my credit worthiness to buy an income generating property in an urban area of my choosing. It's my credit that he would be using.

If the marriage dissolves, I would need to pay him out. Hopefully with a degree and a better paying job, I will be able to afford to do so.

The 100k was a loan. I have to pay it back. I didn't ask for it. He felt that I could save on the interest repayment and pay him instead. Even if it is just a notational mortgage repayment. I guess that balances it out. I was naive when I signed the pre nup and I am paying the price now. Situations change, part of getting an education in the last 5 years has revealed my folly.
He does not want his daughter to marry so he will take care of her and his grandchild. He said her boyfriend cannot afford to take care of the baby.
I guess the fact that he never included me in his decision making hurt.
In any event, thank you for all your comments. I appreciate the balanced view. There is so much more but it's such a long story...

My bad my dear readers 100k is not US dollars. It's my country currency. The US dollar equivalent would be 8333.00 US Dollars. That's the value of the loan. Lol, no wonder you all think badly of me! I would too!

Thanks for all the comments. What remains is really no good reason to remain married. He interrogates me about money spent on my kids and we only do activities he likes doing with his family and friends. He feels that my family is too jovial. He likes the quite life. I am good to his kids, cook for them and clean up after them when they visit and he's so nice to me when they leave. They even take a take away for their mother. Who never says thank you or return my food containers. When I ask for them back DH gets upset with me.
I have no friends. No identity of my own. No life outside of his. Some times, I leave my kids on a Sunday to make the long drive to visit his mum. I usually make lunch as well.
I always do what he wants. Watch the movies he likes if he ever does go out .
Whilst his ex who squandered her money sits home and gets money from him, pays no rent and lives her life without answering to him.
Yet, I must give an account of my expenses.
At least I am finally seeing the light. It is more than just the money. I am working hard, studying. I want to show my kids that you can learn from mistakes.