Am I just jealous?
My SO let his 16 yr. old daughter miss school today and took her to work with him. SO already has his son,20, working directly under him to train him to do his job. SO is taking half a day off to take the "kiddies" to go pay a few bills and sign the lease for their new apartment. I'm irritated at the whole "family day" thing. I know his daughter won't be able to resist trashing me and my boys at her dad's office. Yes, I want them to move out. Yes, I'm still engaged to SO. But his daughter and son have trashed my house and leave their dirty dishes in the sink, won't take out the trash, dirty clothes are everywhere. When daughter comes home from school, she goes straight up to my son's room that she has taken over, and closes the door by herself or has three girlfriends come over to wreak havoc on the house too. She finally comes out when her dad and brother come home. Then she's all bubbly and smiling and acts like she hasn't seen them in months. This morning I realized that she asked her dad if she could use a bottle of hair product that is mine. It's a small bottle and cost $30! He said she could use it! WTF! It's MY stuff! Since they decided to move into an apartment, she only asks her dad things and has private conversations with him. It's pissing me off, especially since I was never included in the conversation that the three of them had before SO told me they were moving out. I'm glad they're going because now my boys will come back home and feel like it's their home again. Am I just jealous or do I have a reason to be pissed off with the "Dynamic Trio"? I left out the fact that SO is trying to secure his son's future earnings by getting him a job with him. His son is also on SO's checking account so he can teach son to "save his money". Son pays no rent, no gas, and food is provided for him at work and at home. It just seems like since their conversation and decision to move out, he has had his kids only in consideration. My son is in college, works part time, pays his truck payment and half of his insurance. SO has him under his policy so it will be cheaper. Now he tells me that Hunter is going to have to find other auto insurance. SO was paying $80, half, of my son's insurance. This was in retaliation to my son not wanting his son to sleep in his bed when he had some sort of rash all over him.
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ok, his 16 year old daughter
ok, his 16 year old daughter is moving into an apartment with her brother who is 20? Is the dad moving too? I'm confused.
Ya know I'm so sick of these men that have such a weird ass relationship with their daughters. You should have an open, honest and genuine relationship with your children and you should foster the same in their relationships with others.
This playing favorites and secret bs is just that bs. I'm sorry, I just get super annoyed by men that do this. I can't wrap my head around it. To me, if this was any other female that this situation was going on with, I'd feel betrayed and cheated. But bc they treat their daughter in a almost secret special princess way it's borderline child abuse to me. Almost grooming. It's gross. There are ways to treat your kids special without making them think that the world only revolves around them!!
Why is she missing school? Is school not important anymore..bc I think that's the message he's sending today!
AND if you want to use MY stuff.. you ask me. Not someone else.
I'm glad his kids are leaving your house! You need your kids back with you in their own space.
I can't imagine how much you miss having them with you everyday!
I agree with the princess
I agree with the princess treatment comment you made. Im dealing with that also. I now refer to SD6 when my husband and I are talking as "his princess". In his eyes she can do NO WRONG. Its very frustrating! I understand bonding with your children but yes there is a line. If you cross it, well it looks really bad!
When my son16 told me he was
When my son16 told me he was moving to his dad's because he just couldn't take all of the tension in the house and all of SO's kids bullcrap, I cried for about a week. At school whenever anyone would ask me if I was o.k., I would just have to turn and walk away because I would start crying. If it tells you anything about how heart broken I was, people at work didn't know anything about my son leaving. They could just see it written all over my face. I told my boys last night that they were moving out and both of their responses were,"Good! When will they be out?" They like my SO and don't want the two of us to split and SUPPOSEDLY his kids don't want us to split either because they 'know how much their daddy loves me!' Why would they want us to split? I keep daddy preoccupied so they can sneak out of the apartment, drink, have fb's over or whatever! This is why they moved in with me. Daughter was getting into all kinds of trouble so we moved her away from her friends and put her in a different school. My son doesn't even acknowledge that his daughter is alive in school and out.
Princess is missing school
Princess is missing school today to go to work with her daddee! Remember, his son already works with daddee doing a job daddee created for him. So, I'm basically thinking about what dear daughter is telling everyone about why she, Bubby, and daddee are moving out. I know she'll be as embellishing as she can possibly be. After all, she's known the people in her daddee's office for years and is such a pro at acting like a little well behaved princess. I think I'm going to gag!!
I 100% understand how you
I 100% understand how you feel. Yes some of it is jealousy, I feel the same way when my SD6 and husband have their private talks, playtimes, or go shopping together and I feel left out. Your in a tougher situation 3 against 1. As for her using your stuff... HIDE IT! I have learned this a long time ago, I got my SD into perfume I have really expensive perfume and one time she asked her dad if she could use some and the WHOLE bottle was gone when I wanted to use some. Now I put them high up so she cant see it. Out of sight out of mind. It is horrible that hiding it would maybe solve that issue but thats what I have found that works. If your SO is allowing his children to bad mouth you then that is a problem! That has to come to a stop. Its ok to vent about things but not bad mouth. That is just disrepectful.
I thought they were moving
I thought they were moving out over a week ago?
Why would his son want to sleep in your son's bed? I do think it is best to take your son off of his policy. I don't see this ending well and better to break the ties now. sorry.
See! I don't know what his
See! I don't know what his kids are telling him to make him decide that they do need to move out. I had suggested the same thing to him two days prior, but was met with a "we'll have two walls put up and close in the dining room, that way his daughter would get out of my son's room and stay there". So WTF could his kids have said to him to change his mind? I'm thinking it would have to be pretty bad and guilt ridden!
Some is jealous and that is
Some is jealous and that is totally a natural reaction.
Some of it is that your SO isn't crying and whining - the move out is like some big party and that hurts.
SD in her little world has won the battle and is getting what she wants - her dadeeee and brother back to herself.
They can all go live like animals and you can get your life back. Your sons - you raised those boys and worked hard - concentrate on what you are gaining.
Let them have their little party fest - you are regaining control of your house, your children and you life.
Yes, they are treating it
Yes, they are treating it like a party! His son and daughter were laughing as loudly as they could and chasing each other around my house when they knew their dad was talking to me about it. Our kids are SO different. Mine have manners, morals, and actually give a s--- about others. His haven't displayed ANY of these character traits including RESPECT FOR OTHERS!
His kids know that I'm having
His kids know that I'm having money issues at the moment. I'm a teacher with a Master's Degree and we don't make squat! That combined with the fact that my ex hasn't paid child support in over a year has me anxious and nervous, and his kids know this. Whenever SO and I have gotten into an argument, it has ALWAYS been about the kids. His threat to me was that he was "outta here!" Then he would tell me that my cell phone is bundled under his name, blah, blah, blah. My response was and will always be, "I'm not for sale, so if that's how you think you're going to get me you need to think again!" Then he would always come back and apologize.
He's looking out for him and
He's looking out for him and his. You have to start start doing same for you and yours.
It seems that you are both taking steps to ensure that your boys do well in life.
Wait, his MINOR daughter is
Wait, his MINOR daughter is moving out?!?
No, they all three are moving
No, they all three are moving out. When I suggested it, so my son would come back home, it was over ruled and another plan was set in place. Two days later after the three of them have a talk, they are all moving into an apartment. WTF! Princess has told some more lies!
Ah, ok. I was really
Ah, ok. I was really surprised!
It's possible she just told
It's possible she just told him the truth. She could have said I'm not happy here and do not want to live here.
Your son wasn't happy there. You allowed him to move in with his dad. Not all parents are willing to make that choice.
Moving out is a good thing. You can continue to date and only deal wiith his kids on your terms.
I've already decided that I
I've already decided that I will not be dealing with his kids. Daughter is a drama queen who goes to school and tells her friends and whoever else will listen lies about me and my son. He's popular, she's not. She's already told her dad a couple of lies about my son to try to make her daddy not like my son. She's a real piece of work! This is the community WE have lived in and grown up in, not her. For her to go trying to trash us just makes me furious!
What is your SO doing about
What is your SO doing about it? She is trashing you. She is trashing your son. What is he doing about it? I ask because you said you're jealous.
Generally, people think of jealousy with a negative connotation and people not living the step-life would tell you that you're ridiculous for being jealous of his daughter. And I struggle because though I understand the step-shit, its still a problem for me for a woman to be jealous of a child (I'm not saying you're a bad person, bear with me). You are not a bad person. You are probably not even normally a jealous person. Soooo, what is your SO doing about his daughter?
You aren't jealous. You're angry that he is allowing her to trash you. You are angry that even though you want them out, he isn't upset that he is leaving. You are angry that he is going about life as though this isn't a big deal. You are angry because he isn't showing you that he'll ever put you first and deal with his daughter.
I am not a big fan of my SD. I'd go so far as to say I detest her and find her to be a miniature version of her mother, but I'm not jealous of her. I encourage my dh to spend individual time with her. I don't get pissed when they whisper or make plans. You know why? Because I'm certain my dh wouldn't whisper about me. I am certain he wouldn't scheme behind my back. I am certain if she bad-mouthed me, he'd call her out on it and let her know in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable. And he spends time with me on his and my terms, not when it works out or is convenient for SD.
You aren't jealous. You are angry and deep down you are angry at your SO because he is putting you in a situation where you have to FEEL jealous of a 16 year old. You're accepting it as your flaw because you love him and to accept it for what it is would mean you'd have to make a decision about him. Its much easier to try to come up with a different explanation or to focus on SD16s shitty behavior.
The thing is, SO doesn't want
The thing is, SO doesn't want to move out. He doesn't want to live somewhere without me. I'm not uncertain at all about his feelings for me, but I am certain that he's trying to play both sides of the fence. He want's to be the hero to his kids and be the knight in shining armor to me. Well, you can't ride a fence forever, especially if you're a man. Makes it a little rough on the balls! (if he even has any left by then!)
Ok, I get that. I just don't
Ok, I get that. I just don't want you owning feelings that aren't yours. My dh used to do that, too. He's a people pleaser and it is very difficult for him to choose a side, especially when it involves two people he loves.
SMDH, you hit the nail right
SMDH, you hit the nail right on the head! I do feel excluded by So in his actions to get them in an apartment. The three of them went to look at the apartment, but I have yet to even be asked if I want to see it! It's like it's their secret family place! Oooh! He'd better start sticking up for me or he can go stick "it" somewhere else!
It's just a shame that that
It's just a shame that that trait won't be passed on to his kids. If they REALLY loved their dad and wanted him to be happy, they would have started helping out and being more considerate of others instead of plotting and scheming as to how to get my kids to want to leave. It's an impossible situation with the two of them. They think that the only thing in life that matters is money. Well, there's no doubt that they will both have money. Between daddy setting his son up and daughter marrying money then divorcing to have it all to herself, it's pretty much a done deal! That may sound harsh, but those are daughter's exact words!