MIL vent
Hi all, I've been disengaged from my MIL for several years. I really really tried the first 15 years of marriage, but I had to step back for my sanity because of the emotional abuse and manipulation. In fact, I've been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of her abuse. I believe she is a narcissist - it's always about what she wants; she picks favorites in the family; she is never wrong and never apologizes; speaks poorly of everyone behind their backs.
My husband and I just had a chat about his mother. As for background, this woman has not sent him - her only living son - birthday or christmas gifts for the last several years. If she remembers, she might send a text. On Mother's Day this year, he called her and he said they had a nice conversation. To be honest, she is lucky he called her given what has happened over the years. He was being gracious. She texted him later and said that she was "extremely upset" that he did not send her a gift or Amazon gift card. Are you kidding me? This is more manipulation, isn't it??
Knowing this has helped me feel more at peace with my decision to have hard boundaries with her.
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Comments
Yes, she sounds like a
Yes, she sounds like a classic narcissist. I have a MIL very similar to yours. I have been estranged from her for 3 yrs and although DH has resumed email and once or twice a year phone calls, he never goes to see her. It's always all about her - she sees herself as the "Queen Bee" of the family and everyone must pay homage. I have known her since 2002 and in that time I don't think she has asked me a single question about myself. She used to badmouth other family members to me, including the SDs - her grandchildren. I can only imagine what she says about me now - no doubt "that bitch Kes has turned my eldest son against me!" Who cares, I am just glad to be shot of her.
Matriarch
My MIL has a t-shirt that says Matriarch...ugh!
My MIL is also a bit of a
My MIL is also a bit of a narcissist, but more of a benign narcissist vs a malignant narcissist. That is, she will cry "woe is me! I never hear from my children", even though they are all alienated from her to varying degrees because she doesn't respect anyone's boundaries. She's also extremely passive aggressive and manipulative, but again, always claims it's not her fault, she's just an old lady making old lady mistakes. She also loves to claim that she's only meddling because she's "concerned" about things. For example, when I made it clear to her that I was being extra cautious over covid due to being pregnant, she called DH to try to have him convince me to meet up with her somewhere because she was "concerned" over my mental health.
I've learned a couple of things being married to DH. It wasn't an accident that he ended up being married to BM and putting up with her emotional abuse for years...MIL had normalized that behavior for him. Also, you can't fix someone else's dysfunction, so you can only try to avoid it.