SS problems
Hi all, just want to let you know how much I love this site and all the people on here,,,great advice from all of us going threw similar issues. I have been reading this site for quite sometime but this is my first blog. Okay here goes,,i have an issue with my ss, how do you handle 15yr old who has NO rules at BM house. She allows him to do anything and will undermine me & father in anyway possible. We have rules(as most families do) normal eg, no disrespect/no hitting/manners etc...problem is he wants nothing to do with it why should he,,he says we have too many rules,,,,very simple you choose an action you get a consequence. eg. hit your brother=sent to your room&something taking away(computer. SS say forget it i'm going to my moms, tells her a complete different story and well you know.....(she is very bitter/vendictive/ and to her it's all about having her son on her side. Problem is my Husband feels like he's failing in someway,,,very upsetting causing fiction between us.....any idea's HELP!!!
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Same biomom I think???
You have rules that need to be followed, send ss home, tell bd to suck it up and put his foot down. My BF just did that 2 weeks ago, with the advice from others on this site......thanks to all....and it worked so far, He didnt see his kids for a couple weeks, but the kids were as good as gold when he did see them....Hopefully it stays this way. We just have to realize that the biomoms in our situations just arent there for their kids,,,,they are there to try and tick us off, and play the kids against us because in there own sick ways,,,they really know we are the good step parents and they are afraid... I know it will be hard for BD but his kids will respect him more if he gives them rules, then if they stay at BMs and don't have rules.
I agree with Shar.
I agree with Shar. I can't control what goes on in anyone elses house but my own...just remember that 'montra'...it could save your sanity. Like Shar said..they may not like rules and may go back to Moms ...for a while..make sure your door isn't a revolving door of convenience for them to play off both sides at will...but they will respect you guys in the long run for caring enough about them to try to raise them right.....and to step up and be the bads guys when you had too.
thanks so much for your
thanks so much for your replys,,and yes i agree, what we fear is that SS will hate as forever!! we are hoping when/if he matures he will see the light, but he is so much like his BM(full of her poison against us)that it's all about me ONLY!!!
Stick with it, Dollface
My BF and I have to suffer the same way every weekend we get SD from BM house. BM doesn't know how to say no to the child. She wants to be her friend or something rather than her parent. The SD comes to our house and we enforce good behavior. She doesn't always like it, but I have noticed she shows us a heck of a lot more respect than what we see towards BM. Even though SS is acting out and playing you both with the "guilt" thing, I say stick to your guns. He will eventually "get it" as he matures.
that's a difficult one...i'm
that's a difficult one...i'm trying to think what my husband would do if ss acts the same. i think he would give him a good, serious lecture about shaping up or get out. my husband would probably not take that crap and bad attitude. put his foot down. he'll probably no dwell on if son will hate him forever because there is no excuse for bad attitude towards your parents.
-happy mom