Closure?
It's been a long time since I posted. My DH and I have a great relationship with my SS, his wife and daughter. The reason for post is SD. Her BM abandoned she and her brother. After SD got married, BM moved from out of state to two blocks away from SD. Since then, two beautiful babies have been born, now 8 and 7. I was not allowed to even know their names, much less see them. My DH went to see the first child after birth but not the second. In 2018 the whole family got together for Christmas. My DH and I went and we had an ok time. The children fell in love with me. When I left they cried. Since then, we have sent birthday and Christmas gifts. Right before Christmas, we were sent pictures of SD, her husband and kids in front of their home with a moving van. My DH asked for new address so we could send the kids their Christmas,only to be told we would get the address with their school pictures after the New Year. This is said every year, but never pics arrive. The excuse, "Oh, FedEx lost, or no excuse. The other day, we both received a picture of the kids in their new yard playing in the snow. My husband asked for the new address only to be told they didn't want anyone knowing how much they spend on home. I said that anyone could find out because it's public info only to be severely attacked by SD saying, "see, this is why I don't want you involved, you're toxic. Asked why, she would not answer. DH told her he wants no further contact, it's over! Why, she's 40 years old. She uses the kids as a weapon.
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So sad
She has been super alienated, and now after all the years you cared for her, shes treating you and DH like rubbish in favor of the BM that basically abandoned her. Shes needing some space. She doesnt want you and DH in her life except for presents and now not even that. Shes well and beyond the age of excuses. It is what it is. So sorry this is happening!
Make sure your wills are solid and shes not able to get anything.
At this point, I think you
At this point, I think you both just drop the rope. If she wanted you to be in contact she would have made it happen. Clearly, she was trying to brush off the requests for address.. but you pushed it.. and she blew up because you weren't respecting her boundary.
And.. who knows why she has the boundary.. why she doesn't want contact with her dad and/or you. If she isn't open to discussion, you can't do much about it other than respect her wishes.
It's sad her dad can't have a relationship with his grandkids.. but he can't force her to allow contact so he will have to accept that if this is what she want.. he needs to respect her.
He could send one more message stating that he wants to be in her life.. in the life of his grandkids and if she ever wants to talk about the reason why that has been a problem, he is ready, but he won't chase after her if that's not what she wants.
It's time to be done. No more
It's time to be done. No more contact. I agree with ESMOD, respect her ridiculous boundaries.
It Is Just So Sad
I'm sorry. I know what it's like to give and give to kids who aren't biologically yours, only to be so easily discarded. DHs second son made sure I would have no part of his children's lives and his siblings have followed his lead. I removed myself from the mess 4 years ago. Sad for DHs kids...by eliminating me from the grandkids lives, they effectively removed DH. While he does have contact and loves his grandkids, he'd see them a lot more if I was welcome. But that is on his kids. Not me. He can go when he wants.
I agree with the others....respect her ridiculous boundary and drop the rope. I would not let that woman know I even thought about her. Keep your thoughts and grief to yourself or with safe friends. NEVER let her know. Hugs.
step away. let her be. but
step away. let her be. but don't send tons of gifts, etc. put money aside for her kids in your wills.
Time to stop chasing them. If
Time to stop chasing them. If they valued you and wanted you in their lives, they'd include you. So fill up your life with other things and people who appreciate you. Move forward.