The kids are right there.
Last week I took the kids to a sports camp and met another bonus mom. When she found out the kids weren’t mine the first thing she asked was if BM and I get along.
The kids were literally feet from us and so was one of her her stepson's who I’m sure could hear EVERYTHING she said which was not nice.
I may come here and rant, rave, and gripe but I’m not stupid.
One I didn’t know this woman. She clearly lives in the same area as BM and there’s a chance one of the multiple children in her home goes to the same school. I’m not telling you ANYTHING that could get back to BM.
Second and more important the kids are right there. You think I’m going to say bad stuff about their mom in front of them?
I was honest but tackful. I said we get along “ok” and have a “working relationship”. I said that things were “difficult at first” which is true and even the kids could see it but since their divorce was finalized and there was an order placed things have been “a lot better”.
She went on to badmouth BM in her home all of which I'm sure the child could hear while I tried to say as little as possible while still relating with kid stories and facts about my life such as being divorced with now children before meeting SO and no joint children at this point / why.
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She is asking
She is asking for trouble. I vividly remember when the kids were young not being able to say BM's name without a firestorm erupting. Simply asking DH "Is today the day that BM is picking the skids up early?" within their hearing was enough to set them off. Somehow that was interpreted as "talking bad about mom" and caused a passive-aggressive backlash from them and BM that lasted for weeks. Venting may feel good but it needs to be done safely. Clearly she is eiher a newbie who has not been hit with reality yet or she is too stubborn to learn self-preservation.
It felt like she was
It felt like she was resentful of the children. She didn’t seem to have the best relationship with the boy and she was very negative about the BM’s interaction / relationship with the children. There were points where I would say she was downright mean simply because the child could hear what she was talking about. I mean I understand venting about kids and I do. Sometimes we tell stories that might embarrass the children if they hear them but what she wasn’t like that. It was condescending and seemed belittling. It sounds like she's having to carry most of the load of parenting while BM isn't so involved but still she shouldn't say those things around the children and she shouldn't say it to a stranger.
So if the skids relate this
So if the skids relate this info to their BM and can point you out to her, she could subpoena you.
She could subpoena me from
She could subpoena me from the second I walked into the same room. I could get subpoenaed for going into a gas station. I could get subpoenaed for going to work.
I’m not afraid of a subpoena. I go to court and I tell the truth. I didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not my fault this woman decided she wanted to stupidly run her mouth.
I made sure that if the BM in my life found out what I said it wouldn’t hurt me. I made sure that what the kids in my life heard was appropriate. I can’t control other people.
I don’t discuss BM with
I don’t discuss BM with strangers. I don’t mean just negatively, I’d not discuss at all
Woman who bashed BM lacks class and isn’t to be trusted.
For example you sharing that things with BM used to be difficult isn’t really necessary. Next this woman will be telling people that you have difficult relationship with BM, she could switch “had” to “have”.
Also I don’t see any reason to share with strangers that you were in a relationship with SO when he was still married. Things between you and BM were difficult but got better when they got divorced. Ouch. It’s oversharing. This woman is mean spirited gossip and you just gave her more ammunition.
I understand maybe you weren’t in position to stop this woman or escape but you really didn’t have to overshare personal info with a stranger. The fact that you’ll have to see her again doesn’t mean you must discuss your relationship with BM. You can still be polite and friendly with people and keep BM out of your conversations
“Things are good, thanks for asking. It was nice meeting you i have to make a phone call now” would suffice
I shared what I felt was
I shared what I felt was appropriate considering the kiddos I care about could hear me. I’m not going to lie but I know how to be tactful. Saying I need to make a phone call wasn’t optional. I did not have the ability to remove myself from the conversation. You’ll have to believe me on that. Like I’ve said in the past I change some details to protect myself should BM or someone she knows find this site.
I understand you couldn’t
I understand you couldn’t remove yourself, you could still engage in a conversation by saying that things are good in your family. There are ton of other topics to discuss with people besides BM. If kids are there, it’s still appropriate to say that relationship with BM is good, thanks for asking.
We have to agree to disagree. I see your oversharing very unnecessary. You weren’t forced to say that things were difficult or that he was married when you dated etc
Like if a stranger asks how my aunt is doing, I have an option of saying “she is doing well thank you” or I could say “we had difficult relationship etc etc”. You don’t tell people your family issues. She isn’t a friend or family and doesn’t need to know.
Again have to agree to disagree
You don't seem to get it? I
You don't seem to get it? I didn't say much.
I said things were tough at the start but we're doing well now. I said we have the kids most weekends and that I consider them mine. I talked about how I've been divorced with no kids and that SO and I don't have any together.
She talked about her situation.
She said how BM in her case doesn’t seem to really care about the kids. I said BM in ours does care about them. She said that her ex doesn’t pay child support. I quickly stated that isn’t an issue in our case.
You’re acting as if I spent an hour dishing out all the dirt on BM.
My post stated that I’m not stupid enough to bad mouth BM with someone I don’t know. That I might come here to gripe but didn’t do it in person.