My SO works nights which means I'm left with the kids shortly before bedtime. I do story time and put them to bed by 9 while their dad leaves by 8:45 at the latest and that's pushing it.

Some nights aren't a problem but then you have nights like tonight. The kids share a room because we just don't have the ability to rent a 3 bedroom. This means they have bunkbeds. The son is 4 and tiny. He knows he is NOT allowed on the top bunk or on the stairs. They know not to hang off of the end of the top bed. It's about safety. If he fell he'd get hurt and BM would raise hell.

So far tonight has gone. Heard son talking loudly went in and found him on the stairs. Then I catch him go in into the living room. I know his plan was to go look at the snake. He first tries saying he was trying to come get a hug when that didn't work he said he needed to use the bathroom and forgot where it was. I told him I knew he was going for the snake and wasn't falling for the "lost" bathroom. On the way back into his room he stops at ours. Doesn't even try the "I want a hug" and goes with "I'm scared of the train" which is not true. Then not 5 minutes later I hear him being loud again and found him hanging off the end of the bed.

I asked for his hand because I was frustrated and that's been his dad's final straw but stopped myself. I won't spank him or smack his hand. I know I can't and shouldn't. He's not my bio kid and it would cause all sorts of hell. I didn't even raise my other hand and just gently held it while I told him he was not behaving like I know he can. I don't want to put him in the corner that late because that's only going to keep him up and he doesn't want to go to bed. I don't want to shut off the movie because they are use to going to bed with it. It would punish sister also and would problay start the child going into a full blown fit which just means all of us are wide awake. I'm not sure if calling his father to have him talk to him will work because then I'm afaird he'd just keep up the behavior to get the attention even though it's negative.

Some nights within 20 minute of putting them to bed I'll walk by the room and he is passed out. I don't expect perfection and they get away with some talking as long as it's whispers but this loud enough I can hear it clearly through 2 doors.

I don't really want to move bed time up because I like them being able to say good bye to their dad before he leaves since it gives them a chance to understand where he is. The first few nights it of course upset them because their normal visitation is on his days off but of course summer is different. They are aware of dad leaving for work then if they get upset during I'm here and they know dad will be back. He doesn't just disappar while they are in bed. It also means they sleep in a tiny bit in the morning so dad can get a few hours of sleep before he needs to be up with them.

So I'm kind of backed into a corner and have no idea where to go.
To recap it's time for bed and he knows what's expected but is doing everything he can just to stay awake. I won't spank nor do I feel I should. I'm trying not to reward with attention of any kind and I don't want to also punish the daughter also or have a full blown melt down after 9 PM. We do have a routine which works some nights. We we're out of the house today and he didn't get a nap / doesn't take them anyways so I know he's tired.