**RING RING**

Me: Hello
BM: May I speak to MY husband please
Me: I think you have the wrong number
BM: No, I don't may I speak to MY husband please
Me: BM? Is that you? Did you remarry?? I think you have the wrong number, the only HUSBAND here, is MINE. **CLICK**

**RING RING**
Me: Hello
BM's Friend: Just wanted to let you know that DH (we weren't married at the time) is at BM's house RIGHT NOW giving him a hair cut and taking care of him because his tooth is bothering him
Me: Really? That's interesting
BM's Friend: Yep, and he tells her DAILY that he is coming home to her
Me: Seriously? That's REALLY interesting
BM's Friend: Yep, so you may as well give up, he will NEVER stay with you.
Me: WOW, that's amazing. You say he is there RIGHT NOW???
BM's Friend: Yep, and after his hair cut I am sure they will go to bed... TOGETHER
Me: How much have you smoked tonight, because he is SITTING RIGHT HERE, wanna talk to him??? ***hands phone to DH*** Here baby, she says she's a friend of yours and that you are getting ready to f*ck BM at her house right now
DH: GET A FRICKIN LIFE BM!!

BM to DH when we first started dating: I saw you today (we all worked for the same company, 2 different buildings, but one cafeteria)
DH: That's nice
BM: You were walking with some girl
DH: Yeah, she's hot isn't she?

BM to DH: My friend SAW you with your little girlfriend at the park last night
DH: That's nice
BM: She said you guys were sitting on the bed of your truck changing your shoes
DH: Is that ALL she told you?
BM: yeah, why
DH: Oh good, I was afraid she told you that she saw us BEFORE we started putting our clothes back on, ohew, I was certain no one could see in the window.
BM: What...
(For the record, we didn't REALLY have sex in the car at the park, we were changing from our cleats to our regular shoes after a softball game, he just said that to get to her, and it worked)

BM (speaking to me): YOU have NOOOOOOOOOO idea how hard it is to work 10 hrs a week AND raise two boys

Me: You're right, BM, I don't. Because I work 50+ hours a week AND raise a boy and a girl. How in the world do you find time for yourself??

~~~~~
And this one isn't so funny, but shows you exactly how the BM thinks (context - this was the first time I met BM, at SK's birthday party)

BM: So, your first DH died?
Me: (shocked) Um, yes.
BM: Well, at least he died. Not like *me* who had to endure a horrible divorce. It's MUCH easier when the spouse dies instead of the love dying.
Me: *deer in headlights look*

She sent the skids home with a bag of presumably dirty clothes labeled "whore cloths." Still not sure if that was some odd dig at me, or just another example of her inability to put a sentence together.

BM: I feel like I never see SS anymore
Me: Welcome to the working world, please get used to it.

Draco you daft busy person you. You missed the ladies fun fun yesterday. Anne Boleyn's husband contributed to her blog. We noticed there was not one male in the house. So it was StepMom's Gone Wild.

BM texted DH in the middle of the night a year ago to say ss was sick and she was taking him to the ER. It was 2 a.m. Our phones go on silent at night. We have a working house phone that does not go silent. She knows that. She then the next day proceeded to rip into dh as he "didn't care" what happened to ss and she would take him to court over it. Dh let her finish and when she was done. He read the CO to her that states she is to "call" over medical issues, not text and then told her "I would call you a cunt but you lack both the depth and the warmth." And then hung up on her.

BM-"Where was ss born?"
Me- :jawdrop:

BM-after having ss for an extra day, "Whew. It sure is a lot of work taking care of him-i need a break"
said to me, custodial sm, who had 3 other same age kids or younger, a full time job and a dh who worked out of town most of the time.
Me- :jawdrop:

BM attempts to add to court order:

YSD should not be allowed to have anything blue in color to eat. She is highly allergic to blue food dye or blue foods that are natural in color.

??????????? WTF??????????

BM: "I was supposed to get 2 payments this month because income witholding just started. It says that very clearly in the court paperwork."

DH: "I just called (child support lady). She said income witholding was covered and that CSS expected no additional payment from me this month."

BM: "Well I'm calling her then."

*silence*

B"M" posted on FB this week that:

DH downgraded when he got w me(even though they weren't dating when we got together...lol)

I'm uglier than her(Ummm..not to brag, but I consider myself an 8.5 or 9. No one would give her above a 6)

I'm a hoe, she's a lady(wants to call herself that because I told her years ago I was one and not going to stoop to her classless level. She sleeps with any guy she talks to and is now pregnant w her 3rd child(only the 1St is Dh's, the second is her current husband who she cheated on!)

And she has been stalking our FB page. Creep.

BM was being her usual insane self last summer and messaged me saying she and DH were having an affair and that she needed a number to contact me at.

I replied with a wonderful reply to her craziness and then this line that still makes me laugh

"This is how to reach me by the way. [Number for Local Mental Hospital - Inpatient Services] I live in this place called reality. Come and join us."

The best part? I found out a few months ago she called it. She told DH that I must have given her the wrong number, he said "No, she told you exactly how to reach her... by joining the rest of us in the real world."

my DH, then BF: "I am going to misSTEP's place. I am not going to fight with you anymore and I am not staying here. I just came to see my kids and now I am leaving." (Gets on his bicycle)

BM: "You'll come back. You always do." (laughs)

That was the last time he stepped foot in her house. }:)

This thread is hilarious! Here's a few more:

DH: SS11 should be reading by now
BM: He's only 11!
- :jawdrop:

(DH didn't get the kids for 2 wknds in a row due to medical emergencies, so BM texted and asked if he was getting them the following wknd)
BM: Are you getting the kids this weekend?
DH: Not sure. We're still in the hospital.
BM: No. You said you were getting the kids this wknd, so YES, you ARE coming!
DH: You don't tell me what I'm doing. I tell YOU what I'm doing, and I'm not sure yet at this point.
BM: You ARE coming! I was leanient (actual spelling) with you last time, but not this time! Come and get your kids!

- Um, no BM. You weren't "leanient", you had NO CHOICE in the matter, so stop acting like you're a bigger person than you actually are!