Results are in
Failed two courses. Barely passed Math. Teachers are recommending summer school.
DW is not sure what to do. I was about to tell her something but she just raised her hand and said "I know what you are going to say".
Neither DW nor SS get it.
I'm not pissed off. Disappointed, yes. But not pissed off. This kid wants to flush his future, he is welcome to it. Only job he'll get is slaughtering pigs at one of the slaughterhouses outside of town.
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That's rough. Am I right in
That's rough.
Am I right in thinking that you'd said before that neither DW nor Bio dad had a great educational background? My DH's ex is like this. She doesn't value education in the same way DH and I do. Its had a big influence on the skids. DH has 2 primary degrees and is half way through his MBA. Only one of 3 skids stayed in education past 16! Mom had the biggest influence... Is this the same for SS? Apologies is I've got the back story wrong.
My family: My father: HS
My family:
My father: HS dropout, worked three jobs, went to night school. Became an electrician. Retired now.
My mother: College. VP's Secretary for a shipping company (recently retired)
Me: University Bachelors of engineering. I work in the transportation industry
My brother: University. MBA. Supervisor for a shipping company
My Wife: HS dropout but returned for her GED. Works at a call center
DW's family:
Father: HS dropout. Carpenter. Retired
Mother: HS dropout. Assembly-line worker
Sister: College. SAHM. Has a degree in graphic design
Brother 1: Trade school. Mechanic.
Brother 2: College dropout. Works part-time jobs here and there. Wants to go back to college
Donkeykong's family:
Donkeykong: HS dropout but somehow got a job in IT.
Donkeykong's wife: Runs her own business (selling insurance I think). No idea what her educational background is.
Donkeykong's sister1: SAHM
Donkeykong's sister2: Dental hygenist
Donkeykong's brother: No idea. He moved around a lot and had a slew of addiction problems. He's pretty much out of the picture. SS has only met him twice
Donkeykong's mother: SAHM
Donkeykong's father: Deadbeat (he's not in the picture at all)
Draco, on a more optimistic
Draco, on a more optimistic note.
One of my uncles and two of my male cousins were disasters academically at school. They just weren't mature enough. One the upside, they all got it together when they were in their twenties. 2 of the 3 became teachers to try and help boys like themselves who didn't thrive at school.
My ex-DH didn't get his
My ex-DH didn't get his college degree til he was 30 ... then, he went on to make midlevel 6 digits. Much to the current SM's joy.
Some are just late-bloomers and not terribly academic, but good in the workforce.
The guys in my family were
The guys in my family were bone idle too as teenagers. But they were bright. Not sure that this is the case with Drac0's SS. What about your SS?
If they really screw up school, they can come hang out with YSS19 and become recruitment consultants.
Skills needed - look ok in a suit (YSS19 does this by being very tall so Drac0's has this covered too), be able to spout BS convincingly, be mercenary. Minimal to no academic qualifications required.
It's always nice to hear
It's always nice to hear about some people who managed to become success stories after having a rough time with high school. But these are exceptions, not the norm. This is why I have drawn a very clear line in the sand and it needs to be repeated over and over. IF SS goes the distance; works hard, graduates and tries to makes something of himself, I WILL support him. If he doesn't, then he has 30 days from the time he turns 18, to find another place to live. It doesn't matter what SS wants to do in his life. Heck he could make a very successful carreer out of cleaning dumpsters (although in my area, you need a college degree for that).
HRNYC, my SS wants to become
HRNYC, my SS wants to become a computer engineer. Not only that, but he wants to attend the same college I did. The three subjects that my old alma matter looks at the closest are the ones SS did most terribly in.
Our school board works on the principal of legal obligation, and nothing more. In other words, they will work with SS until he turns 18. By the time he hits 18, he is not the school board's problem anymore.
As I said, the ONLY job he will be able to get is at the slaughter house (or plucking chickens). Not even McDonalds will want him. Heck, he won't be able to get a job cleaning dumpsters. The guy that delivered my dumpster for my roofing job says he only hires people with college degrees.
Yes it is. And I remember
Yes it is. And I remember Ross Perot- not that particular comment though.
Lots of people on STalk tend
Lots of people on STalk tend to associated Nutella with me and Tallboy. I really outta turn away from that topic before Nutella hits me up for trademark violations LOL!
Rutherford might trade you
Rutherford might trade you Nutella for mice?
He's tall, though!
He's tall, though!
I don't know how summer
I don't know how summer school is in your area but in the Gir's school district, it's basically a few weeks of snacks. I think the Gir LIKES when they go to summer school; at least they'll be semi-supervised courtesy of the local taxpayers for a few weeks during the summer.
BTW the Gir plagiarized her way to a Bachelor's in English (she got caught on campus cheating and her mommykins, Battleaxe Galactica bailed her arse out)
Chef says he values education. He has (when not boozed up to the hilt) a photographic memory in that he can observe someone doing something once and he'll have memorized it down pat. Even a complicated repair or install. I think he has to be able to do this because his reading comprehension is atrocious. Even though he can read a book and go over it about 20 times THEN "get it."
He hated school, dropped out and got his GED. Most of his family did the same.
>So where is this child going
>So where is this child going to live after turning 18? That is the real question.<
I'll describe what I see in my little crystal ball.
SS flunks out of HS. I kick him out. DW hollers and screams saying that it is unfair and she threatens to leave me as a result. I refuse to budge on the situation. DW tries to reach a compromise with me saying that SS "Will pay rent" by getting a part-time job. I did some research...Room and board for SS would be roughly in the range of $1200 a month. There is no way SS can afford that even if he was working full time but who knows? Maybe SS might like a job slaughtering pigs or plucking chickens.
So in all likelyhood, SS will have to run to live with his Dad. When that happens, expect STalk to have a new member (SS's stepmom).
This whole situation will put my relationship with DW on the fritz and to be honest, I do not know if it will survive. I love DW but I cannot let my marriage to DW hold me hostage to being forced to support a lazy-ass adult living in my house indefinetly.
I already explained some of this to DW. She understands that the clock is ticking...
MY rationale is based on the
MY rationale is based on the premise that I am fully engaged with SS's education. I've footed half the tutoring fees, go to all the parent-teacher interviews, ect. This way, when the time comes, I can safely say "Look. I did EVERYTHING I could possibly do to help this kid and he has done SFA on his end, so I am kicking him out of the house." I don't want to reach the end saying "Well he has done SFA and I did nothing on my end help, but I am still kicking him out"
Incidentaly, it was the same rule my own parents gave to me. They encouraged me to pursue a higher education and let me stay with them rent-free until I graduated. They even footed most of the tution fees. BUT, they drew the line in the sand; if I dropped out, I was done. I would have been forced to move out to find my own place.
My SS was also diagnoses with
My SS was also diagnoses with AD/HD (inattentive type). He was on an IEP which helped but it is being phased out because - as it was explained to me - college doesn't have an IEP. We looked into medication too.
By the way, while it's true
By the way, while it's true they don't have IEP's in college, check this out:
for students who have a learning disability that is covered by an IEP in high school, colleges are required under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (Section 504) and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 to provide necessary adjustments in order to provide the same quality of education as received by students who are not disabled.
They might not get an "IEP", but colleges MUST make the necessary adjustments for a disability - including, for example, "note takers or sign language interpreters; availability of recording devices and other helpful technology; and the option for priority registration, a reduced courseload or a substituted class."
I hate BOTH extremes of reaction to ADHD. The "sink or swim, we're done helping you" attitude, AND the overly-protective "I'll just do everything for you since it's so hard for you" attitude. There's a fine line there, and too many parents and educators wander WAY too far afield of it.
"He was on an IEP which
"He was on an IEP which helped but it is being phased out because - as it was explained to me - college doesn't have an IEP."
I dunno, I think I'd fight that if I were you. State law varies, but in my state that would actually be illegal without parental consent. (ie, if I say I don't want to "phase out" the IEP, then it doesn't happen. End of discussion.)
Tell DW to look into CHADD, they have some good resources, even legal ones. Some organizations will even pay legal fees if it comes to that.
For what it's worth, I'm reading that the most recent studies (check out the Multimodal Treatment Study sponsored by NIMH) have shown that medication is way more effective than behavioral strategies alone. (Behavioral alone succeeds in about 30% of kids, Medication alone succeeds in about 50%, and doing both has about a 60-65% success rate, where "success rate" means the child is "normalized" for his age.) Medication is an intensely personal decision, but the science geek in you might want to take a look at the study.