Drac0's Reign of Terror
Yes, I am still mad. No, I didn’t kill anybody.
I deserve a cookie.
Last thing I wrote in my last blog entry was that I confiscated the laptop, all the iPads, the power cord to the xbox, and I killed the circuit breaker to the TV. Unfortunately, I completely forgot about the PS2 that SS has stored in his room.
So guess what SS did all day Friday?
DW was angry with me that I confiscated all the electronics. I told her point blank that I really do not care if she is angry with me for doing what should have been done MONTHS ago. I told her that my next step was to go supernova in his room and remove everything (including the paint on the walls) and leave SS with nothing but a mattress and a box of clothes.
“But SS said he feels bad about failing that course.”
“Oh really!?!? He feels SOOOOOO bad that he played on his PS2 all day???? Gee, I wonder what he is going to do when he flunks out of High School? Punish himself by taking a trip to the Arcades followed by ice cream!?!??”
DW pulled out all the excuses in her playbook. There was a lot of “but he’s a poor COD” followed with "but the teachers don’t understand him/are too rough on him". When she went there, I had to close the door to prevent the kids from thinking that I was tearing DW a new one.
“SS wants to go to the SAME college I went to. You honestly think I am being mean!?” I yelled. “Just wait until he tries to get into that college and meets the recruiters! Either SS will be told to go apply elsewhere or they’ll LAUGH in his face! So if you think I am mean, I have news for you, this is ONLY THE BEGINNING!!!”
This was pretty much what Friday and part of Saturday was like. I was the big monster and DW and SS were avoiding me like the plague.
By mid-day Saturday, I had calmed down considerably and told SS that I wanted to talk to him (in front of DW).
First thing I asked him was to explain to me why he got a 38% in Social Studies.
“I can never finish a project before the teacher starts a new one” was SS’s excuse.
I admit, I was actually surprised he responded to me. Usually, when I ask him to explain a poor grade, SS just answers with a shrug or a “I dunno”.
I told SS that he is to write a letter to his Social Studies teacher. He is to apologize for not putting the effort where it should be and that he will strive to do better. He will then ask the teacher for extra credit work and he is to BEG her to spend some time with her, either at lunch time or after school to see what he can do to catch up.
“And from now on, you are to study one and a half hours PER night.” I said. “If you find you have no homework, review your notes, study for upcoming tests and quizzes, get some extra reading in, etc. And you will do so AT YOUR DESK. And then when you are done, you will come and see me as I will have some chores for you to do.”
DW and SS know I mean business…But I know I am going to have to keep reminding them…Oh and Parent-Teacher interviews are this week.
Fun times ahead.
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Comments
Somebody needs to ride his
Somebody needs to ride his ass! Hopefully some day he will thank you for it! Stay strong Drac0 and don't back down on this one or you will never get him out of the house!
Good for you Draco! I wish I
Good for you Draco! I wish I had the "power" to rain down some terror on SD16 for failing 3 classes, for having a pig sty of a room, for lying, stealing etc... but alas I don't and DH either can't be bothered or just simply does not follow through. The kid is not dumb, she knows the drill, so it's business as usual for her, hell as usual for me.
I've been on my tick tock clock now that I have a foreseeable end in sight... 18 MONTHS and counting... however, this failing shit makes me panic. The chic needs to graduate so she can go be a loser somewhere else. College is most definitely not in the cards for her. Mark my words she will end up EXACTLY like her BM and GBM... not working, collecting every freebie she can get her hands on and being a menace to DH with her hand constantly out.... oh wait... this is how she already operates! There is no "turning out to be just like GBM and BM, she already IS GBM and BM.
Stay strong Draco, don't cave because it's Thanksgiving or Christmas or because DW is sad, or because it's everyone else's fault. Will certainly be interesting to see what his teachers have to say about him!
Speaking of
Speaking of Thanksgiving....DW wants to host a dinner party and have SS invite Vicky over....
:? :O :?
I almost have half a mind of asking this girl how she is doing in school. If she answers "I am doing well." I will answer "GOOD! Please don't fuck-up like your tall boyfriend!"
You do deserve a cookie! The
You do deserve a cookie! The studying, chores, and then you may have free time is norm in my house. Punishment is chores with DH, and essays, and more studying. You're doing a great job, and I hope your DW will see that you are helping her son more than she is and start backing you up.
Stick to your guns.
"Missing Assignments" ruined
"Missing Assignments" ruined our weekend. SS8 had 17 assignments to do this weekend. Couldn't wait to get to work and have some down time.
Good for you Draco. He will
Good for you Draco. He will thank you in years to come. He will remember you didn't give up on him and taught him how to be successful. He is lucky.
I tried the same tactic with my SS. He decided he didn't want to come over any more. He's still failing and smoking pot. We took away his car, so his mommy got a new one for him. She's now complaining to us that SS isn't paying his share of the ins. Really? Sucker, we told you.
Stay the course. You're doing the right thing.
Drac0, saw this yesterday,
Drac0, saw this yesterday, and I think it about sums it up - what we are up against with these "fixed mindset" parents and kids. It's clear to these researchers that "presence is more important than praise" - and here you are with attention, presence, clarity, guidelines - and - you are the bad guy because "praise" doesn't fit in that moment.
http://www.brainpickings.org/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/
Dude...you're my hero...I
Dude...you're my hero...I know you probably don't care (and thats fine lol) because you're just doing what you think you should be doing and that's what's so great!
Really hope I don't get the same way with my kid as your DW is with her kid when the time comes...doubt it though, I'm pretty strict with my BS4 as well as SD7...I don't do it to be mean,I do it because it's for their own good and because, most of the time, I'm the only one they've got...
You're doing a great job though, really hope your DW sees what you're doing for her and her son...and if she doesn't....WOW...
Hope tall boy gets his head out his ass FAST...
---“But SS said he feels bad
---“But SS said he feels bad about failing that course.
There was a lot of “but he’s a poor COD” followed with "but the teachers don’t understand him/are too rough on him". ---
I went back and read the blog with the grades (with so many different blogs up daily I don't get a chance to read them all). In my district this teen would have received 4 'F' , 1 'D-', 1 'Dt', 1 'C-' (by the hair of his nose on the language arts) and 1 'Ct' (PE).
Seriously? Your DW is in deep denial with this kid. Those are the lousiest excuses she gave him that a mother could ever give her child. This kid is either a total idiot or a total F-up. I believe it is likely the second option...and I believe this is mostly due to the way hos mother excuses and cuddles him.
He's her baby and she loves him regardless. I get that. But at some point this woman has to realize she's hurting him, not helping him. All this talk over college and career choices? Mom is going to be lucky if this kid doesn't just flunk out of HS.
I know you try and try and try even more to get through to your DW. But it's not working. I wonder if it came from someone else if the light would finally turn on? Has your wife ever considered counseling? I mean, you're just mean ol' Draco, picking on her precious little boy. Would it take better if a professional laid out reality to this mother? Maybe even start with the school's guidance counselor pointing out the issues with any changes of SS progressing beyond HS and then moving up with focusing what a major part of the problem is...her.
I've been wracking my brain
I've been wracking my brain over who I can get to make DW see the error of her way of thinking.
Certainly no one on my side of the family. Everyone on my side of the family is in my camp. Even my Grandmother tells me that SS is destined to wind up like my Aunty Jo's son who is exactly like MarieJeanne's skid (see below), except replace on-line gambling addiction with on-line porn addiction.
Forget my in-laws. FIL and MIL are bots. MIL's response to ANYTHING is "don't worry about it" and FIL would rather just make another lame-ass joke than give her a serious talking to. Besides FIL honestly thinks SS will just "pick up a trade" and lead a successful life....just like he did 40 years ago. "You don't need no schoolin'" he says. Nice one Grandpa. Believe me, I'm going to make damn sure my bios don't listen to him.
Teachers and school councelors I am not too sure of. Their first priority is to the school and to their paycheck. In other words, they will only tell DW what she wants to hear because they don't want to piss off the parents either. Don't get me wrong, SS has some very good teachers, but the education system works on the principal of "We'll help the kid until he's 18. By then, he is not our problem anymore."
I can't tell you how many times I am sitting RIGHT NEXT TO DW when she and I hear the same thing and when we regroup later, her recollection of what was said is totally different from mine.
The best person we talked to in recent months was the director at the tutoring services. She heard both mine and DW's position on the matter and she was definetly leaning towards me and my take on the matter. But now that DW has decided to forgo tutoring since it didn't seem like SS was struggling, I am at a complete loss.