You are here

Halloween Woes

Drac0's picture

Halloween is around the corner. We already got BS4 and BD2 some outfits that they are anxious to wear. SS is at that age where some might consider him too old to go trick-or-treating. He went last year with a friend. This year we asked him what he wanted to do and he just replied “I dunno”. So we went with BS4 and BD2 last week to get costumes without SS. We told SS to make up his mind and to make up his mind soon because costumes quickly become in short supply in the final week before Halloween. Also, neither DW nor myself are available at all next week to take him costume shopping.

This week, SS announces to us that he wants to go trick-or-treating. So DW told him this afternoon (meaning yesterday) that she finishes work early (4:00pm). She’ll come home, and take SS costume shopping.

“This is the ONLY time I will be able to take you.” She said. “So you better have all – or most – of your homework done when I get home.”

To be certain that SS understood, DW repeated herself. Homework not done? No Halloween costume. Period.

So DW goes straight home after work.

Has SS done his homework?

Nope.

SS is sitting on the can – doing the “bathroom trick” again.

DW calls for him and he only replies “I’m in the bathroom”.

“Have you finished your homework?”

“No.”

“Have you even *started* your homework?”

No reply.

DW waits about 20 minutes. SS doesn’t emerge from the bathroom.

Another 20 minutes passes.

“Well it looks like you’re not getting a Halloween costume this year.” DW says.

*FLUSH*

“Huh, wha?” SS says as he runs out of the bathroom, holding the top of his unzipped pants with one hand and his cell phone in the other. “What do you mean?”

“You know EXACTLY what I mean!” DW scolded. “I told you that we would only go out Halloween shopping if – AND ONLY IF – you got your homework done! You’ve been sitting on the can all this time, either playing one of your games or texting. Well guess what!? It’s too late now. Tonight was the only night I would have been able to take you. You’re with your father on the weekend, so you are going to have to ask your Dad to take you costume shopping.”

SS started to cry. I suppose the prospect of having to ask his Dad unnerved him and he snapped.

That’s when I return home and DW fills me in on what’s going on. I just shrug my shoulders.

“Oh well, you warned him.” I said, and I started to prepare dinner.

When dinner is served we call for SS to come to the table. He doesn’t come. He is lying in his bed crying into his pillow.

DW tells him to knock it off and come to dinner. SS doesn’t move.

I tell him to get his butt out here or I will physically carry him to the dinner table. SS comes but he just folds his hands on the table and buries his head in them. He’s still weeping.

BS and BD even tell him to stop crying and eat. They get pretty vocal too – which only makes the situation worse.

NO CRY SS! EAT! EAT SUPPER!!!”

DW is starting to cry now….She hates seeing SS cry and I guess her guilt gets the better of her (yet again) and she gives in. “I’ll take you Halloween shopping after supper SS. Now stop crying and eat your dinner.”

“What?” I balk. “SS has karate class after supper!”

“We’ll be back in time…”

Uh….No they won’t, but I didn’t want to argue with DW, especially in front of the kids so I just keep my trap shut. SS doesn’t change his mood but he takes a grand total of three bites out of his dinner.

DW takes SS out shopping. I’m livid, but I simmer down quickly and just do the dishes and prepare a bath for BS and BD. SS and DW are gone for over an hour. SS has missed his karate class, just like I predicted.

Oh, and the best part? They return empty handed. SS couldn’t find a costume he “liked”.

Comments

overworkedmom's picture

:O

And yet again, situations like these are why I have an appointment to get Xanex on Monday. You just can't do anything about the stupidity of your spouse when it comes to their "baby".

Drac0's picture

Forgive me, I haven't read your blog yet. I wanted to post, get a coffee and then come back to read.

I don't know why DW let herself get manipulated by SS. I really don't. I even asked her why afterwards. I thought she would know better by now. If SS acts like a drama queen, IGNORE HIM! DW admitted afterwards that she should have done just that - ignore him.

overworkedmom's picture

Oh yes it should have been. My bios know that when the whining and tears start they have one chance to get over it and then not only are they not getting what they wanted but chores are coming too.

Now if only DH would parent SS maybe I wouldn't be so stressed!

amber3902's picture

Ooooooh, Draco, I was sooo proud of your DW, and then she caved.

In the battle of wills, SS won. DW just confirmed for SS again if he tries really really really REALLY hard, she'll give in.

Regarding the "bathroom trick" - I used to magically not have to use the bathroom until it was time to do my chores. How my mom fixed me of this problem: whenever I was really engrossed in a TV show, she'd say - "Amber, time to use the bathroom."
"But I don't have to go" "That's okay, go anyway."

Whenever I was in the middle of something I really wanted to do, she'd tell me to go use the bathroom. Amazingly, after a while I did not have to use the bathroom when it was time to do my chores. Hallelujah! I was cured! Smile

Drac0's picture

I'll be honest. I pulled the bathroom trick too in my teens.

Next thing I knew, dirty dishes and garbage bags were being piled on my bed as a "reminder" that my chores don't do themselves.

Willow2010's picture

DW is starting to cry now….She hates seeing SS cry and I guess her guilt gets the better of her (yet again) and she gives in. “I’ll take you Halloween shopping after supper SS. Now stop crying and eat your dinner.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

:jawdrop:

Wow...just wow. No wonder your SS behaves the way he does. You know if this keeps up, you will have this kid living with you forever.

Drac0's picture

>Wow...just wow. No wonder your SS behaves the way he does. You know if this keeps up, you will have this kid living with you forever.<

No! He'll join the military and we'll support him by wearing shirts with corny sayings on them!

Drac0's picture

I don't want to be a jerk about this, but at the same time, I am trying - in the most diplomatic way possible - to explain to DW that a 13 year old crying like that is NOT normal.

Jmom's picture

I just banged my head on my desk . . .

This kid is too old for this shit!

My DH falls for it every time with SD13. Last weekend out of necessity (my BS13 has grown almost 2-4 inches since last fall) i had to take BS13 shopping for new jeans and sweaters. When SD13 found out (we try to keep these trips hush hush)by DH snitching she all of sudden didn't have any winter clothes. I informed DH that I caught the Old Navy $19 jean sale and he should do the same. OH THE LOOK I GOT. . . .but Old Navy it was.

Drac0's picture

Did you read my blog about our "secret trip" to McDonald's?

My folks pick up BS and BD from daycare sometimes and this one time took them to McDonald's one Friday evening where they each got a toy.

A week later, SS sees one of these toys...You would think I went out and bought my BS and BD a Ferrari and Bugatti for all the whining SS was going on about the "unfairness" of it all!

Jmom's picture

I did read it . . .and shook my head then too as I'm shaking it now. I want to smack him around . . .ok that's wrong, but I just don't see how DW thinks that this is molding him into a man. The way I look at it I'm raising someones future husband and father and I want to make doggone sure that he's capable. And his FATHER is also allowing this behavior!

Drac0's picture

Donkeykong is the polar opposite to DW when it comes to SS's feelings. Donkeykong just cannot associate with SS on any level. That is part of the problem too. DW used to think that she needs to be even more sympathetic and more nurturing and more coddling because SS's father doesn't show an ounce of compassion.

Starla's picture

I also agree with the others above. Like your SS, I pulled the very same trick of crying to get my mom to cave in. We recently discussed it bc I wanted to know why parents give in being I see my friends doing the same thing with their kids. She told me for starters that if she could go back and do it all over again, that she would be more consistent with us and "No" would be "No". Then she admitted that she would cave bc her schedule was crazy busy between us 3 kids and her having to go to work. For her to give in under the daily stress would just end the added stress of that moment when she was already feeling strained.

I further asked her "didn't you do it bc you hated seeing us cry?" and she said "yes but only when you guys were really young and after that, I was feeling stretched thin and didn't know what else to do."

Now back to your situation, maybe you can encourage your wife to take a 5 minute break and allow her the chance to weigh the pros and cons next time your SS starts with the water works. I don't know if it will help or not but your SS sure isn't going to give her the possibly much needed break that she could be needing.

Drac0's picture

Starla,

I would be the first to admit that my DW definetly needs a break. But she is so "entwined" with SS's emotions, she can't pull herself away to give herself some clarity.

For instance. Last year, (around this time actually), I suggested that we go to our favorite retreat where we could pamper ourselves with a spa treatment, fancy restaurant, etc.

You know what my DW's response was?

"Ooh! Can we plan it on a weekend that SS is with us? I would really like him to see the place!" Sad

Jmom's picture

REALLY???? Ok now I'm speechless. . . .I consider this necessity. My BS13 knows that DH and I take breaks without him. DH tried to pull this crap with SD13 until I put my foot down. . .I have even gone on vacation without him because one monkey ain't gonna stop my show. Once he realized I meant business he realized that SD13 nor BS13 have to do everything with us.

Drac0's picture

You're absolutely right. It is a necessity. I call it "Preventive Maintenance to Avoid Parental Breakdown". I'm going to try and broach the subject again. Finances are tight but if DW is willing to pitch in, we might be able to get a nice weekend for just the two of us. I am not keeping my hopes up though.

Jmom's picture

DRACO . . .. My BS is 13 and trust me he is Mr. Joe Cool . . .

Coming into his own??? He's on a mission! I could not imagine him carrying on like this and the fact that your DW thinks this is normal is a load of crap. I just think she doesn't know what to do anymore but giving in like this is certainly not helping. I was a single parent for 10 years . . .my BS has no interactions with his BD. I made it my mission to make sure he could stand on his own . . .be independent. I just don't know what to say about this. My mind is truly boggled.

overworkedmom's picture

That is a great point about earning a favor! Draco- maybe next time your DW caves you can suggest a "price" for the deed.

You can go get a costume but you can't go trick or treating until chores 1,2 & 3 are completed since you did not hold up your end of the deal by doing HW.

Drac0's picture

On A. I think I myself stopped once I hit 14 or 15 (I honestly can't remember) but I knew some people who were as old as 18 and still going out trick-or-treating.

On B. Once I hit my teens, my Halloween costume was solely my responsibility. I made my own costumes. I remember once making a Frankenstein monster outfit and was getting utterly frustrated with it. I couldn't get it the way I wanted. My grandfather laughed and said "Now you know how Dr. Frankenstein felt." Ten years later, I FINALLY got the joke!

On C. I know! Which is why I don't understand why some people on these boards berate me for "only seeing the negative" things on SS. If SS's maturity wasn't so horribly stunted, I wouldn't even be here venting in the first place!

On D. And he'll no doubt use this ploy again and again...Seriously, this kid has meltdowns about once a week on average over "something". I am convinced he doesn't do this at his Dad's or at school!

amber3902's picture

Yeah, my D14 went trick or treating last year. This year she's wearing a costume, but she's not trick or treating but will be handing out candy to kids this time.

I'll be wearing a costume to work. Smile Guess what I'm going as?

Drac0's picture

Oh goody! A guessing game!

Urm....Judging by your handle, I'm guessing a pokemon character?

...
......
...

Not even close huh?

Tuff Noogies's picture

she's a witch!! burrrrnn herrrr!!

Wink

ok that's my guess }:) that's what i was the first year DH and I got together

amber3902's picture

LOL! Okay, I have to get off the computer so I'll release you from the suspense.

I'll be Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. I'm biracial like her so it won't be that much of a stretch.

Happy Halloween!