The Job and the Stress
I am starting to worry about DW.
For starters, it doesn’t help that we are both super busy at work and have a hard time communicating. DW just works down the street from me, but she may as well be working in a vacuum sealed bank vault on the moon. She is not allowed using her cell which means the only time she can talk to me is on her lunch break. The problem is, her lunch break is at 1pm which is when I am in my meetings. So if she calls me and I happen to be free we’re lucky. Most days we don’t speak to each other all day.
I miss it, because our mid-afternoon talks – even though they’re short – help keep us both grounded.
DW texted me twice at lunch time.
Text 1: Got chewed out by the boss.
Text 2: I don’t know how much of this I can take!
I fear she’s starting to fray at the seams. Now DW is a tough cookie. I know she can take the stress where most would buckle, but each day that passes I am seeing her getting more and more unraveled.
The only “plus” in all this is that she is finally parenting SS the way I feel SS should have been parented from day 1. SS hasn’t been coddled or entitled to anything in about a month. Just this morning he was asking DW for money for “something” (I don’t know what, I was only half listening). DW said she couldn’t give him any cash because she hadn’t been paid yet.
“Well when do you get paid!?” SS asked.
There was a bit of indignation in his voice. As if it was somehow DW’s fault that she had no money to give him. DW went off on him.
“I don’t know!” DW screamed. “How about you call my boss and ask her!?”
SS left the room quickly to sulk elsewhere. DW was on the verge of tears. She wanted to apologize to SS but she was running late.
“This job is starting to affect the way I speak my kids!” DW complained on the way out.
Uh, actually no DW, you have been parenting BS and BD just fine. It’s SS you seem to have a lot less patience with these days. I would love to tell you why that is, but I don’t want to stress you out any further.
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Comments
Oh yes she is definetly
Oh yes she is definetly looking for something else. DW believes she can tough it out until something better comes along.
She just called me a few minutes ago and she seemed fine. *phew* Her texts made me think she was about to lose it!
Whenever I send texts to DW
Whenever I send texts to DW that gives her the impression I am stressed she texts me boobies (o)(o)
I think you both did a lot of
I think you both did a lot of work and have been trying to approach parenting as a team. If I'm not mistaken, you sound like you leave the parenting to her for the most part but you try to be supportive of her as best as you can too. One thing I have wondered about, is your reaction towards DW when she does slip up with ss in your eyes?
Is there a lot of resentment from her at you in the parenting department? Added stress of the job and lack of communication can make her feel on edge but does she possibly feel like you are being a parent policeman to her? I ask all of that bc should it be the case, it is likely to backfire once she hits a certain point of aggravation.
I'd suggest a calm conversation with you and her and give her a chance to vent and find out what can be done to better the situation but also find out if there is something you can do to take some of the pressure off of her. You both sound like reasonable mature adults and keep it as simple as you can by not trying to fix everything all at once. If you want her to keep being a good firm parent, find ways to show her the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope that may be of some help and I wish you guys the best.
No, DW harbors a lot of
No, DW harbors a lot of "guilt" at having to rely on me financially for so long but that is the only negative sentiment she has regarding me and our respective roles in the house. I keep telling her that if roles were reversed, I know she would support me. DW and I keep our lines of communication open when it comes to parenting our children (including SS). The feelings of resentment that you've described may have been present 5 years ago but it is not like that anymore. We are just doing the best we can based on what we know and the resourses we have at our disposal - while trying to combat the day-to-day stress.
Oh I see what you mean. That
Oh I see what you mean. That would be a tough situation to be in, I sure hope she is able to find a different job that would be less stressful for her. She is a strong woman and doesn't want to be in a position to have to rely on others. That is great that you are assuring her with the "roles being reversed, she would support you" bc she is feeling insecure from being in this position.
When I met dh he supported
When I met dh he supported me. I was fresh out of a marriage that was bad but I had been a sahm and didn't have a job. He let me move in b/c my BFF I was living with had to ask me to move out due to them having financial crisis. So DH mae room for me and paid the bills etc. I fell apart for a couple months then got work and right as I got my first pay check he got laid off from his VERY good paying job. I have been basically supporting him since - 4 years. He is now recovering from cancer and starting to work so he will soon be pulling the majority of the load again. I hate my job also but economy and no other income is forcing me to buck up and keep working! Sucks but it's money.
My sympathy to your DW. When
My sympathy to your DW. When your job is that stressful, it really does bleed into the rest of your life. (Sound like something else we're all verrrry familiar with? }:) ). I recently took a new job, and it was nothing like I thought it would be. It pretty much gave me a negative outlook on everything. I lasted two weeks, decided it wasn't worth it, and went back to my old job. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it now! I wish her all the best in finding something she likes.
Thanks ghost. DW is currently
Thanks ghost. DW is currently looking for something else. She has had a lot of calls for interviews but it seems every company that wants to hire DW is only for short spurts (3 weeks here, two months there).
No she doesn't like it. At
No she doesn't like it. At least her colleagues are nice. Things would have been much better if she had proper training and management didn't have their heads up their *ss.
I have a stressful job too, but I do love it and I am very well respected where I work. Even if I won the lottery I would still come into work.