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BM has balls of steel, I am in shock right now

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 06/16/2014 - 11:18am

BM is the ultimate in a low-class piece of crap, in my opinion.

Background: BM and DH met at a bar, he slept with her twice and bingo, she was pregnant. Dh waited until SD was 6 months old and a blood test showed she "could" be his kid, them he and BM got married. A whopping 18 months later, they were getting a divorce. She moved out immediately. So they were married 18 months, in a "relationship" of any sort for about 3 years. Their divorce and subsequent dealings were extremely acrimonious. DH cannot stand BM, and the feeling is mutual. BM didn't know MIL that well, hasn't seen her in probably 10 years.

So, we are out of town on vacation when we get the call that MIL is on her death bed. DH notifies SD21 (she lives a 5-hour drive away and hasn't seen MIL in at least a year), and we change his flight to go back early. SD tells DH she is driving down, DH flies in and goes straight to the airport.

Who should he find in MIL's room with the rest of the family but BM?! OK, it's one thing to drive down with your child to help her during an emotional time, but to be IN the room with MIL and the family? I don't understand. Then, she doesn't even have the decency, grace or good breeding to leave the room when DH gets there. BM stays. DH feels constrained in acting toward his mother like he would if BM wasn't there, so he doesn't say much to MIL but just sits by her side. She knows he is there, but I'm sure there are things he wanted to say to her that he didn't say because BM was there.

Since then MIL never regained consciousness, and she passed away yesterday. DH feels the regret of things unsaid and undone, and I am just disgusted with BM.

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 06/16/2014 - 11:21am

Honestly I'm not surprised by any of it. It's crappy to say the least, but your DH has always been full court press enmeshed with the BM and SD as mini-wife.

He's never given the BM any reason to think otherwise from all of your posts, it's as though DH, BM and SD are a threesome.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 06/16/2014 - 11:41am

I feel really bad for Elizabeth since she has a DH similiar to the biodad I live with.

Guys who subscribe to "My way or the highway" (with SM's finances, of course) but you have to get to the point where you KNOW it's not just the BM or skids fault. It's what biodad will LET BM and the skids get away with and then you have to decide if you're going to take biodad to task or not.

I actually got up enough nerve over the weekend to address MANY of my gripes to biodad. And boy was I angry but managed not to strangle him. I'm sure it fell on deaf ears though.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 06/16/2014 - 11:40am

100% sure. MIL loved me and she always kept me informed in that aspect of her life. She didn't approve of BM, she tried to go spend some time with BM years ago when she came into town to visit us and BM showed her true colors and MIL never respected her after that. MIL wasn't in any sort of contact with BM.

I think DH was just in shock about his mother's condition, and seeing BM there he just didn't know what to do and he didn't want to create a scene, so he let it go thinking he'd have more time later, and that didn't happen.

I don't think she's unwelcome at the funeral, but if she tries to insinuate herself with the family I probably WILL say something.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 06/17/2014 - 9:41am

So true! BM thinks she is all that and wants everyone to know it. If DH had asked her to leave, she'd have created a big scene. I know that's why he didn't say anything at the time. That and he was shocked at his mother's condition.

TJH100911's picture

Submitted by TJH100911 on Mon, 06/16/2014 - 1:36pm

My future FIL has ton's of boundaries with MIL and always has. She still takes her grandkids swimming in FDH's grandma's pool, her EX-MIL. They have been divorced for more than 20 years. She also stops by to see FDH grandma, sends her cards, puts flowers on the grave of FDH grandfather, etc.

Last year FIL told MIL to please stop putting flowers on the grave. MIL did it anyway. She always inserts herself into situations she shouldn't.

So, some things can be helped, and others can't. I guess your DH could have had her removed, but it really shouldn't have to come to that. I'm with you where I think people should just act normal. If you want divorced, get divorced.