Update to MIL is a piece of shit
Well, the gift card is back with us now, came in DH's late birthday card with a note "You can use this more than me", lovely, just lovely. It's been sitting on the kitchen counter all weekend. DH sent MIL a very generic $2 birthday card for her birthday and called her, very awkward conversation, he told her that he's working two jobs and she asked what he is going to do with all that extra money (umm pay back credit for the years of having custody of two kids with no child support from bm). I so wish he would just open up and say what needs to be said. DH and I talked and i said if you at least got out what you need to say in a calm factual conversation about how you feel then you will know once and for all exactly where you stand with her. So much passive/aggressive coming from her. And he's too nice to cause waves. I think he worries about if/when she passes (she's up there in years) how is he going to feel then if there is anything unsaid between them and since the entire family hates him, how would he be received at her funeral.
At least I'm done, not that I wasn't before but now there is no doubt in DH's eyes even as to why.
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It's his relationship. Let
It's his relationship. Let him worry(or not) over it.
My own (now deceased) MIL was a major PITA. She ran hot and cold and was never happier than when she was causing drama and stirring up sh*t between her offspring and/or the kids and herself. She loved playing the victim.
I tried hard for many years to make sure DH didn't forget things like his mother's birthday. Remembered to call her every couple weeks just to see how she was. Made the trip (just 2hrs one way) to visit in person at least once every six weeks blah blah blah. After FIL passed (I loved him dearly) I just stopped. I left MIL and DH on their own to make or break their relationship...I just disengaged from the all her games , lies , sh*t stirring and victim playing. His mother. His relationship. His problem (or not).
MIL and my relationship was a
MIL and my relationship was a long 26yr thing. It was the last ten of it that I disengaged.
I cried when she died (actually sobbed while I held my SS...he had a close relationship with her). IDK. It was a love/hate relationship between MIL and I. I suppose I was raised to take care of your elders, regardless of how obnoxious they are . LOL.
I took 3 months out of my life to move myself up to take physical care of my FIL as he was dying. It was a labor of love. But I honestly knew I'd never be able to do it for my MIL. I just didn't want to take the wear and tear and stress that the duty takes on a person. I didn't cut her loose though. That deep sense of family and responsibility kicked in and I paid for nurses for MIL (yes, it was my personal money).
I was mature enough not to dance on her grave, but the thought did cross my mind. But yet, there I stood sobbing. The tears surprised me, I wasn't expecting them. Maybe it was because I knew my SS was hurting and would miss the old goat. Maybe I mourned the loss that could have been had she not been the person she was. I can honestly say I don't miss her or even think of her often. When she does come up in topic I'm not overly generous with kind words about her.