The dreaded will
I know this gets hashed around on a regular basis on StepTalk, but I need some help. DH needs to rewrite his will, which he wrote when it was just him and SD. Problem is, I'm trying to figure out what is "fair" to everyone. Sometimes I just question how the man's mind works...
The other night, I asked DH how he plans to structure his will. He said, "Well, I have four heirs." Me, SD, and our two BDs. I said, "No you don't. You have one heir, me." He disagrees. He says our situation is "different." Hell yes it is. But I'm still his wife. I read a really interesting article on wills the other day and it made a point that the spouse is the one who contributes to the estate and the kids only take away from it (by costing the family money to raise them).
When DH and I met, he was in debt. I dragged him out and put him on secure financial footing. I make more than him. I am the reason he has some money in the bank, not SD or our BDs. So I told him I should inherit everything. I mean, if he died tomorrow, would he give 1/4 of his money to SD and 1/4 to each BD? How would I be able to support BDs and afford our house on one income? I think if a spouse dies the money goes to the survivor. If he died, I'd need his insurance to keep making the house payment and probably to continue paying CS for SD16.
What do you think? I told him that if he died I should inherit everything. Then, when I die, SD and each of our BDs would inherit a third. That seems fair to me. However, it raises another interesting point: a third of what? Would they get 1/3 of the estate as it was valued when DH died, or 1/3 of my final estate? I don't want SD to get money I earned after her father dies. But what if I have to spend the money to support myself and BDs? Would SD then get nothing?
The whole situation is so ridiculously complicated. I know some people on here have life insurance policies on the father, payable to the stepchild. But what's a reasonable amount? BDs won't have that, so is it fair to them? I hate this!
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Comments
Oooohh, that's maddening.
I completely agree with you. Here are the points that seem important:
1) When he was married the first time, did his will give 1/2 to his wife, 1/2 to his daughter? No, probably not, right? He gave ALL of it to his wife, assuming (trusting) that the wife would take care of the daughter (as you said, if he dies, the surviving spouse needs money to house, feed, clothe the kids). So, what he's saying is, you're not as important as the 2nd wife. And, he's implying that you can't be trusted like he trusted his first wife. How dare he?!
2) You, as you said, got him out of debt and stabilized him financially. Same here. I paid off $25,000 worth of debt my DH had in the first two years, just for the pleasure of his company. If, after that, he had relegated me to second-class status in the will, I would have gone into orbit.
3) You make more than he does. By his calculations, you should contribute only 1/5 of what you make to him. The rest should be divided equally among you and your three kids. Do you do that??? I imagine not-- I imagine that you contribute the bulk of the budget money, and no one counts to see what fraction of it that is. Why? Because you're MARRIED! -- Once you get married, the two of you are as one, financially speaking.
I would suggest that you go lawyer shopping and ask prospective lawyers about this question. Find one who sees it your way -- and who has done enough of these that he or she can talk to you about the pros and cons of all of these different scenarios.
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
will
Just buy your own life insurance on him and forget about the rest
To me the whole thing even being debated is ridiculous.
You are his wife. You have to take care of everything if something were to happen to him (God forbid). You are the only person that should recieve any money upon his death. He should trust you enough to take care of his daughters if he were to be gone. He should have no thought in his head that he has to take care of them, even in death. Because if you are here they will be taken care of. The only time the money should be split amungst the kids is if you and him both pass at the same time. Or he does, then when you do it can be split. Vise Versa, ya know.
My husband has me 100% beneficiary on all his policies. And I do him.
If he did pass (god forbid) and I get the money I will be able to take care of our BD, my BS, and my 2 SD's. He knows, without questions, if his SD 20 came to me and told me she needed some money (if it was within reason) she would have it.
If there is any doubt that you would do what is right then why is he married to you?
I'll never understand these men. But I am with you 100%. It should all be left to you.
I so wish my husband saw it your way
Right, I am his wife. His partner. But he still has this chip on his shoulder when it comes to SD16, thinking I will treat her unfairly. Even thought I never have! I had to MAKE DH put his insurance in my name. Even though WE were paying the premium, the beneficiary was a trust, which ONLY has SD16's name on it. He claimed that the trust also "left room" for future kids and a spouse, but I didn't go for that. So now I have the life insurance (a small amount) in my name, along with his 401(k). But why should I have to even fight him on this?!
Be kinder than necessary to
Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.
You have to consider and explain to him if he dies, BM is responsible for the minor SD and will get any money appointed to SD. Also who is to say BM will even let u see SD or be part of her life. He should trust you hto do the right thing and make you his sole heir period.
This is nuts. I haven't
This is nuts. I haven't seen where H just leave it all to their kids. If he were to die tomorrow you would still have bills to pay that are 1/2 his. What is he thinking? I am assuming the kids aren't of age yet, correct? Why doesn't he think you will act in the best interest of all the children and put their money in a trust or something until they reach a certain age. The BM should be taking out an insurance policy on your DH in case he dies she would still have the money she lost in CS.
Our BM tried to dictate who my DH should put on the will and his insurance policy. But my DH said my WIFE (me) is the sole beneficiary she will decide how the money will be divided. If you DH died tomorrow I don't believe the obligation to pay CS is automatically on you. The BM needs to take precaution against that not you.
Same here.
My DH's EW tried to make him feel guilty when she found out he was changing his beneficiary info and will right before we got married. She actually said to him that she couldn't believe he would make me his main beneficiary instead of the kids. Luckily, he didn't take the bait.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
ins
He needs to take out a ins policy and leave the SD as the beneficiary and leave the estate to you. If he takes it out while he is young it won't cost that much. 200,000 is reasonable amount to leave her on the policy.
The child support will be paid by the state.
That's part of what we pay for in taxes. So that other money would be there for them to just blow through.......
It should be given to the wife, or husband, whatever the case may be. And the surviving spouse should dictate how that money is spent. Period.
I like what Bell said about did he leave SD some when he was married to BM? Hell no! BM would have a nervous breakdown and freak the f out! As any woman should if her husband is slicing his policy like a pie. BS, that's all it amounts to.
And it's totally disrespectful!!!!!!!!
I never thought about it that way
But you guys are right! DH and I were talking about this the other day. He wants to write up his will so that SD's and any children we have in the future all get equally compensated. However, if something happens to him, what happens to me? Who will pay for the house? The one thing I suggested that he do, and he agrees, is that anything SD's would get, gets put in a trust account that they can have when they are 25. That way BM has less of a chance to steal it all (and she would).
He has a life insurance policy, but I don't think I am listed as a beneficiary on it at all. I believe it all goes to SD's. I make more money, but couldn't pay to keep our house by myself, nor would I want to live where we are if he passes.
Luckily, DH works for an attorney that does estate planning. Time to get some good advice from him.
I hate to say it, but I agree with your DH
Mostly, at least. My DH has 2 insurance policies. One for SD (about 25K, very cheap) and one that diminishes to equal the balance owed on our house. My estate will all go into a trust for my children with the exception of whatever it takes to pay off the mortgage. Either of us can easily support our family if we don't have a mortgage payment. Additionally the surviving spouse gets to keep the equity we independently put into our house.
My husband is NOT responsible for raising my children. If I should die he has absolutely NO rights or responsibilities to them. Same with me and SD. And frankly, WHY on earth would I want to be indebted in the form of child support to BM??? Let her have whatever he leaves her and she can leave me the he!! alone!
Where I disagree with your DH is that I think that we are responsible for raising our children until adulthood... and no further. My will is not a "gift" to my children. It is to pay for college, help them buy a car, support them in the manner in which they have become accustomed by whomever is raising them. At such time that they become adults, the trust will distribute the balance to them, if there is any left over.
I make considerably more than DH and was concerned that if something happened to me how would SD get to go to college. He said it didn't really matter. She has two parents that are responsible for her and my estate should not be used to pay her way through college. That's what her parents are for. Assuming I'm still alive and married to him when she goes to college (let's hope!), I will of course contribute, but who's to say if I die tomorrow he won't be remarried to someone else by the time she's off to college? Why should my estate go to her? I took her on as a condition of my marriage. If I'm dead, I owe her nothing. I know that sounds harsh, but she's not my child and she has two parents to provide for her (trust me, I hear it all the time!).
At the time that our children reach adulthood, we will revist this. But even then, I don't think we would be each other's sole beneficiary. Belleboudeuse was right when she said that if he were still married to BM he wouldn't leave part of his estate to his daughter, but he's not still married to BM. He's married to someone that has no legal or even really moral responsibility for her. If he were still married to BM and he died, BM would have to use that money to care for SD, you don't.
It's not an issue of trust. I trust my DH completely, but it is simply not his responsibility to care for my children if I'm gone and I shouldn't ask him to be financially responsible for them either.
What if you guys move and
What if you guys move and the next house is a different amount, or what if the house is paid off by his policy but you get in an accident and become disabled or sick and cannot work? Then you're supposed to support yourself and your kids on just disability because the only amount of insurance you got was enough to pay off the house? You really should think about all the possibilities of what could happen when there is only one adult left to support the family. My MIL was married for 5 years to a guy that passed away and all his insurance went to his kids except $50,000. She paid off their modular home with that. But 4 yrs later she went deaf and was diagnosed with Lupus. She now has to live off disability. Thank god when this happened her kids (my DH & his brother) were old enough to be on their own. But she can barely support herself and we and his brother often have to help her. Just something to think about. He may not be liable to "your" kids, but if he's contributing to helping raise them financially, which I assume he is if they live with you, don't you think you'll still need at least a little help if you turn into a one parent household, in case something happens to you?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
That doesn't really affect me
as I have disability insurance and long-term care insurance provided through my work, but you're right, it is certainly a possibility that should be considered. I am not suggesting that the spouse get nothing, I just don't think the spouse should get everything and then have the duty of providing for their former step children or choosing not to provide for the skids at all. I think it's a very personal decision how to split it, I just agree with her DH that the SD should be supported in some fashion separate from supporting his wife and biokids. It's a touchy situation, and I will respectfully agree to disagree with all that say the wife should be sole beneficiary. Not to sound like a BM complaining about child support or anything :), but he has an obligation to his first child that really has nothing to do with his second family.
Yes but the daughter would
Yes but the daughter would get a check every month from his social security too. I think there should be a separate policy (a small one) that lists ALL of his kids as equal beneficiaries and a separate larger policy and the estate go to the wife.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
So all kids will get an
So all kids will get an equal share from their dad. His social security check will be divided up to each legal guardian to act as child support of each kid. If only the wife & SK get a share, what do his kids with the wife get if there's nothing left by the time the wife dies? One policy for all his kids divided equally and one policy for his wife.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
oh I agree 100%, I was just
oh I agree 100%, I was just saying that scenario because it sounded like her DH wanted to make sure his D got something because he assumes his kids with his new wife will once she dies...and she wouldn't be obligated to give any of it to his daughter, making it unequal. Also, depending on his income and how many kids he has, social security split up betwee too many kids might not be much to raise them off of.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
No, I don't think SK is
No, I don't think SK is entitled to anything with the house, regardless what happens to the value. Once dad dies it belongs to wife, quadrupuled value and all. Its up to her who she leaves her property to. Plus, you have to remember SD also gets whatever her own mother leaves her as well. But as far as dad is concerned, he gave all his children equal upon death. And wife can still have her own policy and the estate. Plus if wife lives for many years and goes on to remarry, she'll likely lose track of SD before she dies. SD could end up geting nothing, which is apparently what her H is afraid of. I would be too.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Obviously in dads eyes he is
Obviously in dads eyes he is not going to want one of his kids to get nothing if the other two get something. He's going to want them all to get equal shares. Just as I would be pissed if I died and my son from m x didn't get anything but my son with my H did. The only obvious solution to that, to me, is to have a separate policy equally split between all of his kids.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I understand that, but as
I understand that, but as far as the dad's part, all his kids got equal FROM HIM. Once he's dead, all other property and money should be the wife's. What she wants to do with it when she dies is her choice. Just like SKs have their own mom to inherit from. Like you said yourself, all of the wealth should go to the wife and the kids aren't entitled to it. Once dad dies, SK is no longer part of their immediately family, wife has no rights or liabilities to her. When she dies, what she owns is hers to distribute how she sees fit.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
But how can your DH
be certain that you will actually do that? What happens if you get remarried and your new husband balks at that idea? What happens if SS floats out of your life? What happens if you're killed in a car wreck together, DH dies first, then you die? Then your next of kin, which would not be SS would inherit it all and have no rsponsibility to your SS at all.
Well I can see where you're
Well I can see where you're coming from, but at the same time you agree it should go to his wife. What if she passes away first though and your dad gives it to you and nothing to her daughter? It could go either way. And it does suck. It'd be nice if both parents would give equal shares to all kids, but you never know when you're going to die or what the spouse will be doing by the time they die. Maybe she'll sell the house and blow through the money before she ever dies, maybe she'll be remarried, etc. Its too hard to predict. Thats why I think dad should have a policy going equally to all his kids, until the last one is an adult. And any moms out there (myself include) sould do the same if they have kids from a previous marriage. I think it would just ensure as much as they can that their kids will all get equal from them specifically, while still giving their spouse what is rightfully theirs as a partner of the marriage.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Because the other spouse
Because the other spouse ISN'T the SKs parent. I said dad will have given equally to his kids. Would SK's BM give an inheritance to their half siblings, the kids with the new wife? No, so why should new wife give an inheritance to BMs kids? Their dad is already gone, and they already got their inheritence from him. You seem to keep forgetting that when dad dies, the house and everythig else OFFICIALLY BELONGS TO THE WIFE. The SKs are no longer part of the family and no longer have rights to anything that is hers, LEGALLY, unless she wills to them BY CHOICE. Former stepkids DO NOT have inheritence rights to wife's property, and if she outlives dad, IT IS HER PROPERTY!! Once dad is dead, they are no longer family, they are no longer even part of the equation, legally. You say you agree everything should go to wife, yet it sounds like you only agree if once you die the wife splits whatever she owns equally between her own kids and her former husband's kids. That makes no sense! You sound like in your situation you are expecting your DH to die, you get everything, then a couple years later you'll die at a ripe old age and everything will go to SS. Thats fine if you & your DH die within a few years of each other when you're old..but what if he dies tomorrow, you get everything, then a few years later, you remarry and stay with that guy for the rest of your life, have kids, all that. You can honestly say you're still going to give an inheritance to your former SS from 30 or 40 yrs ago? Doubtful. Which means SS never got any inheritance when his dad died. See what I'm getting at?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Yes DAD is, WIFE isn't, nor
Yes DAD is, WIFE isn't, nor is she obligated to. Dad died, he gave to them equally. He cannot control from the grave what his wife does with HER property. As I stated before, you're contradicting yourself:
"His new wife should have no legal or moral obligation to share any of the marital assets with her skids"
then you say...
"IF there is anything left over once she dies I feel like she has a MORAL obligation to give her skids their fair share!"
We're just going to have to agree to disagree on this one!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
okay, you're contracticting
okay, you're contracticting yourself. You stated "His new wife should have no legal or moral obligation to share any of the marital assets with her skids"...yet you sound pissed that if your dad dies before your SM that she will give her estate to her daughter and none to you. So which is it?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Yes. Just like I think its
Yes. Just like I think its fair if he married some sugar mama, she died, he got it all and left it to my son instead of her kids. Point is, if its left to the surviving spouse, it is now THEIR property. Obviously they will leave their property and assets to their children. If they remain close to SKs and consider them their children, great! If not, thats fine too. Its the surviving spouses property to do with as they see fit upon their death. If you don't think its right, maybe you should talk to your dad about leaving you and your siblings a part of his sole and separate assets when he dies, as opposed to his wife receiving ALL of it. It sounds like you're upset over what you think your new SM is going to do in the future. Talk to your dad and see if he thinks it is fair. Its up to him. Obviously anything she is joint on he doesn't get to will to his children, like a house. I thought having a separate policy for the kids is a good way to alleviate a feeling of getting shafted, but it seems like you think you should also get an equal share of her property once she dies too. I personally don't see it this way, but it sounds like you should speak to your dad about it. Best of luck.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
yes, thats true. And usually
yes, thats true. And usually its the H that dies before the W. But these days, a lot of couples have to sell their house and live off the equity as well...you never know if they'll even have anything left. It will be interesting to see what happens when my stepdad dies (he is younger than my mom and has been in my life since I was 2) He is a millionaire. He has one son from his first marriage and a son with my mom, then there is me and my sister and we are his step daughters. He may end up giving everything to his two sons. If he does, thats fine. If my stepmom outlives my dad (she is much younger as well), I don't know what she will do either. She has been my stepmom since I was 3. She may leave it to her 2 kids with my dad. I may not get any inheritance if my parents' spouses outlive them. Oh well. I don't feel entitled to it. In fact, I'm used to both my parents giving more to the kids they have with their current spouses. Because one spouse in both sides on my family view me as their SK, not their biokid. I don't have two parents together that would leave me their assets. Its the hand I was dealt! Thats why I took out my own policy and have my kids listed as beneficiaries, so I can leave them something.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I technically don't have a
I technically don't have a SS, he is my DHs former SS. I have 2 life insurance policies that will be in effect until I am in retirement age. One is 150K going soley to my DH. The other is 250K going 25% to BS 9 months, 25% to BS5, another 35% to my DH and 15 % to my exH (because he would need help raising my BS5 by himself) As far as the house and all that, I bought it before I met my husband, I am the sole owner. I can choose to give it my DH or my kids, or all of them. If I sell it and we move to a house we buy together, obviously if I die DH gets it. What he gives to who will depend on when I die. If we grow to be old together where neither would remarry, the estate will be equally split. If I die early, he is able to either sell it and use the profits for a down on a new house or stay in it until he dies, his choice. If he goes on to remarry and all that, who he wills his property to at the time of his death is his choice. At least I know I left my kids something with my insurance policy. And I don't work, I am a student & full time stay at home mom, so I don't contribute financially to our household anymore, for now, unless you count saving us daycare costs that he'd have to pay if I died in the next 4 yrs before my youngest goes to school. So no, insurance policies aren't just to protect who you contribute to financially, they are also to help take care of your minor children if one or both parents die, or one died and the other would have to make some serious financial adjustments to take on their child full time (my case with my BS5 and exH). Or simply to leave and inheritance. Mine is only a term policy, valid until I am 65. Its only $25/mo. After that age if I am still married I am confident my DH will split the assets equally between all the kids. I can mae adjustments or extend the policy if it see fit in the future as well.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
No, Dany
The ONLY way he is his father is legally, and that is a result of paternity fraud committed by BM. We are still trying to come to terms with that. But my DH does not play a father role to him, BM's BF does, and thats fine. DH has never been close to him and has never had much time with him. The 2 yrs he did have with him was a pretty rocky situation, unfortunately. BM's BF is the one that is there everyday, goes to his sporting events, helps him with school, takes him fishing, teaches him new things, etc. He plays the dad role and has been for years. My DH stays in his life, and we try to have a relationshionship with him, because SS doesn't know the truth. But thats a whole other story! I agree that DNA is not the only thing that matters, its the relationship two people have that matters. I do think, however, that DNA helps a person to keep trying to form a bond if it just isn't there. If all these SMs on here shared DNA with their SKs, their feelings towards them would be different. So I understand why its hard for my DH to keep trying to form a bond with SS that has just has never been there.
I will leave something to my children if I die at a fairly young age, before age 60. If not, things will be up in the air. And yes, it would be nice if a couple spends most of their life together that the last one living distributes everything equally upon their death, I have already agreed with you on that. They just aren't legally obligated to. And if they don't, in my opinion, its because they don't have a close relationship with that child or feel they don't deserve it for some reaon (not that I think thats right). But its their property and their choice. In my case, if I grow to be old with my husband then I know he will distribute evenly because he is close to my son and has been in his life every day since he was a baby. If I die early, I will leave my kids something via the insurance policy, because my husband may go on to remarry and who knows what would happen years and years later.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
He should do a small policy
He should do a small policy for SD and a separate larger one for you to cover you taking care of your kids and house. My DH has a $400,000 thru the military & it all goes to me. Once he gets out we'll have to buy a new policy, but either way it will go to me, and I have a small one that goes to him (only $150,000) That way we could afford to still support the kids, pay the mortgage & pay for a funeral if something were to happen. BM would be screwed though. She'd deserve it anyway. I never really understood what would happen if a dad has his kid as the beneficiary and he dies, how does the BM get child support? Most states don't pay it like TX. Would she be able to get her hands on the kid's inheritance to help support them? Good questions for a lawyer.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
CS & death
If a parent should die and the child(ren) are minor(s) the deceased parent's social security is paid monthly to the other parent or guardian until the child reaches age 18.
My cousin passed on unexpectedly when her child was 10 years old. She was divorced from the child's father. She was also custodial parent. She was in her 30s, had very little savings and no will. My aunt, as next of kin, was assigned personnel representive of her estate.
The child's father became custodial parent and recieved my cousin's social security monthly, on behalf of the child, until the child turned 18. My aunt and uncle as maternal grand parents got visitation EOW and EO Thursday night.
~BettyRay
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"PROBLEMS ARE ONLY OPPORTUNITIES IN WORK CLOTHES."
-Henry Kaiser
oh yeah, I forgot about
oh yeah, I forgot about social security! So does the spouse & children get it? My stepmom said a payment goes to the spouse & a payment goes to each kid as well. Do you know if thats right? I know on the yearly statement it has an amount for a spouse & an amount for children, but I never knew if they both got it at the same time?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
how old are the kids?
I agree, as wife, you should be sole beneficiary for all the reasons listed. But what lots of folks forget is that if the kids are listed as beneficiaries, they don't get a dime until they're 18. If kids are little, thats a long time to wait for cash to raise them. For BK or SK, it's best to have a spouse listed to actually use the money, god forbid something should happen.
Tell me what you think
There's a lot I left out here that could factor into the equation, and nobody has touched upon it, so here goes. What if DH is debilitated for years and I have to take care of him or put him in a nursing home. That costs a lot of money. So what if there IS no estate after he dies? Am I still expected to give SD16 money because she "deserves" an inheritance? And what about our BDs, who are only 5 and 2?
Equally, what if I am incapacitated at the end of life and end up in a nursing home? What if that sucks up all our estate? Does SD get "her money" upfront when DH dies and them BDs don't get anything in the end? And what if I need that money for my care? My grandmother was in a nursing home for years, and when all was said and done my mother only inherited $3500. That's it.
I did tell DH that I didn't think SD should inherit anything until "both" of us die, the same way it would be for BDs. But then WHAT would she inherit? The value of a third of his estate when he died? Again, what if I needed that money for my own care? A third of MY estate when I die? Aargh, so complicated!
The estate and life
The estate and life insurance policy should go to you. What you guys should do really all depends on who would take care of your kids if either of you dies. I assume SD would be taken care of by BM, she will ge a check from social security on his behalf every month until she turns 18. If you die your kids will get your social security check every month until they are 18. So if social security helps the other parent take care of their kids, any life insurance and estate should be left to the surviving spouse. Then when that spouse is gone, the secondary beneficiaries should be the kids, split equally. Now his issue might be that if he dies and you go off and remarry, his daughter will never get anything. I think he should have a small secondary policy that gets split equally to all of his kids, including any kids you may have with him. That way all his kids get equal shares. Then a main larger policy & estate should go to you. When you die, you leave whatever is left to your kids. If he thinks that isn't fair, remind him that his daughter has her mom to inherit from as well, so all kids get whatever their own mom leaves them, but dad leaves them all equal shares. Make sense?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I think all should go to you.
In my H divorce papers he required to carry $100,000 life insurance for SS and BM trustee in event of his death before SS turns 18. That is all that is willed to SS at this time the rest goes to me and vice versa and then the rest to ss after the last death of either of us. I think if H were to die you divide 1/3 of H things he brought to the table and give to SD and be done with it. Anything made or done after that is your BD's.
Funny thing...
our BM and her BF have a house and BM wants it will to her 2 boys(one with my H and other with her BF) well BF is mad cause he has 3 daughters and wants it to them to but BM says no way no how. They are both on the title...what is right there? They are not married! What ya'll think?
50% split between his 3
50% split between his 3 daughters & 50% split between her two sons. Therefore have to state house must be sold upon death. If its not paid off though there might not be much to split anyway! Of course this only works if they die at the same time! Otherwise if they're both on title, one dies, the survivor has sole property rights.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
SURE IS!! You can't give
SURE IS!! You can't give something away that has another owner as well. The other owner gets it upon death.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
SURE IS!! You can't give
SURE IS!! You can't give something away that has another owner as well. The other owner gets it upon death.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
yes! Contact the financial
yes! Contact the financial institution and make sure you are a joint "owner", thats the key, being a owner vs. being a signer or authorized user. Not sure what type of accounts they are, but joint owners usually become sole owners when one passes away. There could be some setup if its a cash account that he can will his 50% of it to them. But they have no rights to your portion if you are a joint OWNER. Oh, and this thread has 90 posts...I think its already been hijacked a few times LOL
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
yes, sounds like it. "Nobody
yes, sounds like it.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Elizabeth, that is where I differ from most on my view
of wills and life insurance and estates. If you live to the ripe old age of 90, then your 65 year old children should get nothing. God willing I'll burn through every penny I have before I die.
I'm not giving up vacations and new cars because I want to leave my children an inheritance. Life insurance and estates are funds that can be used to do what you would have done had you still been living.
I believe your husband has an obligation to support your SD until she is 18, is out of college, whatever he decides "adulthood" is. Beyond that, why should she get anything. But by the same token, why should your biokids?
I know that view makes me sound heartless and I really am not. I just think people try to leave this fat inheritance to their children and it's not necessary. The best gift I can give my children is the upbringing they need to lead a good life without my estate.
Every situation is different, but when I die I will leave a sizeable estate - most of which was earned/accumulated while I was single and raising my children. My children sacrificed a nicer home, more toys, etc. so that I could use that money to make investments that have really paid off for me. If I die now, why should DH get all of it and my kids get the pittance in social security that they're dad will get for them? That's just not fair to them and I have an obligation to my children to maintain their lifestyle as much as I'm able. If I die, DH will have a house free and clear, but he can support himself, my kids can't.
You bring up some interesting points and you should probably talk to an attorney about it. For example, there are legalities if you are both killed in a car wreck, who actually "died first" will determine how the money is divided. I paid $300 to an attorney to draw everything up, create the trust, etc. and it was worth every penny.
My stupid H
My stupid H won't even draw up a will. I have been asking him to do it for three years now. I made sure his life insurance through his employer listed me as beneficiary (he had the ex listed), and also put myself as beneficiary for the other piddly life insurance policy he has. Both policies together won't pay down the debt he will leave behind.
If he dies, I will have to spend weeks in probate court, the his "estate" will be quickly used up by the attorneys I will be forced to hire to defend against claims made by his loser kids, ex wife, and, of course, the state. He doesn't seem to care.
So neither do I. My will now specifies that everything I have goes to my daughter, and nothing to my H. All life insurance has my daughter as the sole beneficiary. All 401Ks are left to my daughter, as is my house, car, etc. If I die before she turns 25, the the law firm is designated as trustee--not my H, or my ex, or anyone else in the family.
I had my H sign a statement that he agrees to this rather unorthodox arrangement, which leaves him with NOTHING. He seemed surprised. I told him that until he drafts a will and shows me that he cares about my future, I won't care about his.
And he wonders why I want a divorce....
My H redid all his stuff
My H redid all his stuff too. He left everything to me. When he passes I will split everything up equally between out Biokids. SD will not be included she is getting hers now with all the support we pay while us and our Bkids suffer.
LOL, thats not her fault
LOL, thats not her fault though!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Re Danyelle's Post
DH and I have each other as beneficiaries on our wills and our together house, pensions and RRSP's-DH stands to inherit half a million dollars (if money does not become worthless by that time). His plan is that IF he passes on before me, Zippy16 will inherit half and I will get half (for putting up with Zippy full time -HA!)
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
The complexity is why I think SD should
get something immediately upon her father's death. First to help support her until she reaches adulthood and secondly because she is technically no longer part of this "family" anymore.
If my DH died and left me everything, I would write a check to BM and get the hell outta dodge. I do not want her hounding me every minute because SD had a co-pay at her doctor's appointment or SD needs lunch money or whatever. I would never see SD again anyway and I would have no claim to her. What if he left me everything and I immediately re-wrote my will and wrote SD out of it? I wouldn't do that, but then again, I don't have her in my will in the first place. Or even, he left me everything, I remarry a very wealthy man with 6 kids who dies and leaves me an inheritance, I die and it has to be split how many ways now?! See how it could potentially be so convoluted?
I think he should calculate what he thinks it would cost to raise her until adulthood (she's 16 now, right?), have his will create a trust that would pay a monthly amount of his life insurance to her guardian to make sure she is provided for and leave the rest to the spouse.
She would get his social
She would get his social security until she turned 18.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
She would get his social
She would get his social security until she turned 18.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Because I'm nice
I just figured that would be an obligation of his estate that I would have to meet. Don't know for sure though. Same thing with the 1/3 of college we have been ordered to pay. Does his death wipe that out?
I would think his death would wipe it all out
I'm no attorney but he can't pay it if he's dead. Just as they don't calculate spouse income in child support obligations, they can't make you pay for a child that's not yours. I'm with Danyelle - there is NO WAY I'd pay child support. If I inherited everything, I may give BM a lump sum payment just to be nice and fulfill my moral obligation, but I don't want to deal with her anymore than I have to. So NO, I would never continue child support.
his social security payments
his social security payments to his daughter would take care of cs
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
One heir ..... the surviving wife or husband.
Elizabeth,
You hit the nail on the head. My wife and I have a joint will. Each of us is the sole heir and beneficiary of the other. In the event of our joint demise then everything goes in to trust under an executor until our Son (My SS) reaches age 40 or completes a Bachelors Degree from an accredited institution. The executor is charged with providing support for our Son from the trust in a manner that in no way benefits BioDad or any of BioDad's family.
When the kid hits 40 or finishes college, whichever comes first, they he gets it all ....... or at least what is left.
This is specifically designed to ensure that he goes to college even if his Mom nor I are alive to keep our foot applied to his backside.
Since I am not SS's biodad I promised my wife that I would put him through school if she predeceases me. He is my kid and I will support him as if he were my flesh and blood whether his mother is living or not (if his performance warrants of course).
Interestingly, even my parents have accounted for my SS in their wills. When my parents go their estate goes equally to me and to my brother with the exception of SS. He gets a lump sum inheritance. Any BioGrandkids will inherit from my brother and I.
I could understand your DH's four heirs perspective if he was Sam Walton. Anyone can live on $15billion. But, if he is not Sam Walton then you should be his sole heir and beneficiary and it is up to you do dispense the estate in your will. Of course you should dispense fairly to your joint biokids with your DH and any Skids that he brings.
IMHO.
Best regards,
In my state each year around
In my state each year around your birthday you get a statement from SSI. On this it tell what your dependants would get in the event of your death and/or disablity. I myself drew SSI as a child because my father was declared disabled to work. Did I get the check? No my parents did to support me and the needs I had. On my DH statement last year the amount that would go to his children in the event of his death and/or disablity is great by far than what he pays in a monthly child support payment now. He has two children which means that each dependant child will recieve a check in their name. What I don't know is if the amount listed on his yearly statement would be divided between the 2 kids or not, but as I said this amount is more than his monthly child support payment now. So why would this not be enough each month for the child in the event of his death? Why should any inheritance go to the child? In my opinion the children should get nothing financially. Now I am sure there are "things" that were your DH their fathers that they should have for remembrance. My DH EW right now is going through bankruptcy so you know as well as I do that any $ she get will be to rebuild what she once had. She has been remarried for 9 years now and they have lost everything.... cars, home, motorcycles, and other misc. things. The car she is driving and has been driving for the past 6 months is a borrowed car. The first thing that she would do with any insurance benefits that were recieved by her would be to buy herself a car. I for one see no reason for her life style to improve because of my DH death. A man that she thought so highly of to cheat on and lie to for years. She has mettled in our marriage for years now also trying to ruin ours because her lifestyle was falling apart. My DH has a home now and new car and things that he has not had in years because she left him with all the marital debt and when he and I married 3 years ago I owned my home with alot of equity. I took a 2nd mortgage to help him consolidate his bills (honestly I don't know how he made it month to month) and get it to a reasonably payment and interest rate. Since then as I said he is better off than he has been in years and it is KILLING her (the EX).
Stuck here too
I am not married yet but FH and I have policies through work. I discovered that even though I have my FH for 100% on mine he had SD16 and I 50/50. That really pissed me off to be honest with you because I also have a son that is 22 and I guess I am just old school where I thought that we would leave everything to each other and then when the other one passes that the kids get what is left. My FH and I plan on buying a bigger and more expensive house in the next year or two and if anything happens to him I would be screwed. I know he has another life insurance policy around and it probably just has SDs name on it. My FH makes about $60K/yr more than I do. I don't not plan on being broke and having my house go in to foreclosure if anything happens to him. This post really got my thinking and I need to sit down with FH before we even begin to plan a wedding to get this straightened out. Does anyone know the laws about this kind of things? For example - I have one co-worker that says even though SDs name is on the policy I would still get his life insurance because I am his wife and another co-worker said that no the only way that I could collect his life insurance is if my Fh where to change it. Any thoughts?
Whoever the beneficiary is
Whoever the beneficiary is will get it, regardless of marriage. In regards to a house though, if there's another person on the title, that person will have sole ownership.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
life ins
Life ins is going to go to the beneficiary designated on the form, regardless of who that may be. One can name anyone they want to on that form.
Elizabeth,
Parents DO need to provide CS for their younger children until they are 18. And if they wish to provide extra, through insurance policies, that is certainly their perrogative.
But the MAJORITY of the estate in a MARRIAGE needs to go to the SPOUSE- plain and simple.
Elizabeth, if your husband were to die, YOU- not his precious daughter- would be saddled with the financial responsibility of the house, the cars, HIS FUNERAL, caring for HIS YOUNGER DAUGHTERS, HIS BILLS, ETC.
Your DH is a fool and I'm sorry he is treating you with such blatant disrespect. (once again)
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
You are right Elizabeth
YOU are the heir. If you were to predecease him he would be the heir. When you are both gone you will have three heirs to split the estate between. I would be SO pissed if my dh proposed that to me.