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Interesting Article

Elizamen's picture

Hi. I saw this article and thought I would share it. My STBexH felt his kids should not have chores until the turned 18 and were then adults. They were taught it was ok to make a mess and not clean up after yourself. Now one of my former SD is 20 years old, living in an apt with her boyfriend and her mother goes to her apt to clean it. Crazy!!!

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1124611/kids-who-dont-clean-t...

Comments

Elizamen's picture

Her kids are 8 and 5 or that's what it states in the article. I think it's interesting that she claims her kids don't have chores but they are expected to do certain things. It's a contradiction in my book. But I was just sharing something I found interesting. Some of the comments made me laugh. Enjoy!

zerostepdrama's picture

I didn't read the article BUT my take on chores is that whatever your kids knows when they are 18 and on their own is what they are going to know. So if you don't teach them to cook and clean up after themselves then they are going to be screwed.

thinkthrice's picture

Right. Same as waiting until a pet becomes an adult before training. The best time to train is from toddlerhood on. Ask any child prodigy in sports, music, you name it. Some view having a child pick up after himself as "not having a childhood." I say baloney.

It makes it that much harder to reverse ingrained patterns of sloppiness. Odds are your child will not be followed around by a maid and nanny for the rest of his/her life.

So_Annoyed's picture

Not my way of thinking, or parenting.

And her saying they aren't spoiled brats, usually the parent is the last to know or acknowledge that anyway.

thinkthrice's picture

usually the parent is the last to know or acknowledge that anyway

Exactly! I'm sure there are some coddling mommykins on this forum who are convinced their children are the most precious little angels.

I look at it this way. If you don't have total strangers over the age of 45 come up to you and make a point of telling you that your child is well behaved. . .well then your child ISN'T well behaved and you are falling down on the job in the parenting dept.

There's a time and place for everything, playing in the park, watching tv/video games, playing with pets, pet care, cleaning up after arts and crafts or meals. Everything in moderation teaches a child their valued position in the family.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I had to teach a friend literally how to boil water because her mom took this stance. She knows how much of a disservice her mom did to her so she came to me asking for help before she left for college. We were the same age and I'd been cooking free range in the kitchen since I had been 14.

This same friend, last year, came over for dinner and brought a pie. Asked for a knife. I handed her one and ten minutes later she tells me there's something wrong with my knife because it's not cutting very well. She never unsheathed it.

There's a very fine line between letting kids have a responsibility free childhood and turning them into helpless adults.

Cover1W's picture

I went over and over this with DP for the last several years.
The SDs still don't have "chores" and he somehow still expects them to know how to do things w/out being taught or shown how or expected to assist. Like taking out their trash baskets in their rooms. They have no idea how.
It's still mindboggeling.

BUT I have disengaged from that whole mess.
I just personally don't mess with "asking" them to do things.
If necessary I tell them to do it.

For example, last night, SD12 puts her dinner plate and utensils in the sink and walks away (dishwasher is right there...). I let DP know he needs to ask her to please put her stuff into the dishwasher. He sighs out some kind of response. So she comes upstairs again, I immediately say, "SD12, please put your things in the dishwasher." She does with an "Oh! Ok!"
NOT HARD. She helped me do the dishes the other day too, "SD12 come over here and help me with these please." "ok!"
DP would never do this.

We need to wash a bunch of clothes before our trip...I told DP I will expect them to so their own laundry as they know how. I'll be able to monitor but they will do it.

He's so uneasy with telling them do to things; he's told me he doesn't like to be an authortarian parent but I've responded consistently it's not authortarian it's teaching them to be independent.