I'll get to the past that's led up to my present later.

This weekend, dropping my ss off at his mother's home in the hood, i couldn't help but rant to my husband about how much i loathe that girl. she is not a woman. she is not a mother. she is so skinny now because of the drugs we can't prove she takes and it makes me mad to see her in those friggin skinny jeans! she is selfish and gross, lol, grrr, and i would not be very sad if she disappeared from the earth. }:)

every time she comes within a few feet of my husband i get so angry. i want them to get along, i've pushed for it for 10 years. now they sorta get along and i just want her to go away.

am i jealous? i'm starting to think so. i know he would never even be her friend, let alone her lover. he left her because she chose the prison life over her children and he chose me because i was a good mother and he said i was "classy". i was wearing very sensible shoes the day we started hanging out.

i guess i found myself dwelling this past week about the time that they were together. my husband was 19, lol, and they were together for a year maybe? i kept picturing their "relations" in my mind and all the stupid things they probably did together - eating at burger king, shopping at wal mart...anyway, i won and we've been together for 10 years. i should be happy. what happened to my mind this week?

i feel guilty for bringing up his past, so now i've become clingy this weekend because i really do love him, and that nasty woman just reminds me that he is MINE, MINE, MINE. Seriously, i feel like i'm 18 right now.

in the end, i guess i'm happy i got a little jealous. and i thank the ex for her failures in the ways of love and life. because of her, my husband is mine, and he likes it when i'm clingy.