Creepy stepson
Here's my story... i'm with my husband for 7 years now (married 5 years), his son was only 5 years old then. I didn't reallly have any problem with the boy at first cause we only get him a few days a week and every other weekend. My first encounter with his creepiness is when he was 6 years old. His dad told him to take a shower cause we're going out. So while his taking a bath I was in his bedroom preparing his clothes to wear when suddenly he came into the room, looked at me smiled and then opened the towel in his waist showing me his genitals. I told his dad about this and he denied it saying he accidentally dropped the towel. Then when he was 7 years old his dad found a playboy magazine under my stepsons bed. When asked about it he denied that he tooked it from our room and he said he didn't looked at it. By the way thats the only playboy magazine in our house. Then a few months after that my husbands ex called him and told him that his son have been taking and hiding her underwears in a box under his bed he of course denied taking it and hiding it. Then when he was 11 years old his mom caught him watching porn in her phone! He was confronted by his dad and at first he denied it but after awhile he admitted watching porn. He's 12 years old now and I don't feel comfortable around him. The fondness I have for this child vanished. I tried to be a good stepmom to him. Now I have an 8 month old daughter and I don't want him near her. He simply disgusts me. He doesn't take a bath unless told to and have to be reminded all the time to brush his teeth and comb his hair and also to put deodorant. He is super lazy all he does is sit in front of the tv all day or play video games in his psp or ps2 or wii or the computer or his phone. Yes he has all of those cause my husband feels sorry for him. I can't descipline him, I can't say anything to him cause everytime I do my husband gets mad or my father in law gets mad (he lives with us). This kid goes to an expensive school my husband and his ex have to pay $600 a month and this kid don't even do his homework or study cause he's so lazy. Mind you I tried to tell my husband to make him study hard but he's not listening. The kid is at his moms right now we moved 4 hours away because of my husbands work. We're renting an appartment now and we're planning to buy a house soon. My husband wants to get him full time but I dont want to. How am I going to tell my husband I don't want his kid in my house? His being a pervert scares me and I don't want him around my daughter. He is always allowed to do what he wants and this irritates me. I want to teach him good hygine and help him with school but I can't cause if I say one bad thing my husband thinks i'm criticizing his son. I don't want anything to do with him anymore. I'm done and I don't care. He's gonna be vacationing with us this weekend and he will be here for 3 very long weeks. My husband works til 6pm so great i'll be with this kid alll day. So please give me some good advice on how to tell my husband all of this. Sorry if this is too long.
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I told my husband to send him
I told my husband to send him to camp but he said no cause his son is not used to that. I told him that's why he should go so he could experience it, but still no...soooo frustrating!
no way in hell he'd be in my
no way in hell he'd be in my house with my daughter. I would put it in writing to your dh now that if his son comes to live with you full time you will be taking your daughter and leaving for her protection. List out all of the things that have happened over the past 6 years and why it makes you uncomfortable and save the email and any response you get from him. Seriously, I know you love this guy but your first priority has to be protecting your child.
It really sucks when spouses
It really sucks when spouses expect you to watch their brats when they are not home. I did it very rarely (and he asked, did not expect) and certainly not for 3 weeks straight! The whole point of visitation is to be spending time with their parent.
I don't really have any advice because it does not sound like your husband wants to listen to your concerns. I would not want the son there either.
I did go through something similar several years ago and my husband listened to all my points and was objective and in the end, we did not take custody but there were many things going on. It was for the best and luckily he saw that (even though he really wanted SD to live here).
But seeing some stories on this site, not a lot of bio parents are willing to step back and look objectively at the situation nor do they realize that having a strong marriage, being on the same page and showing kids a united front is really the best thing for these kids. In my house, it was not about me against his daughter or me and hubby against his daughter or him and his daughter against me or anybody against anybody. It was, we are the adults and you are the child. Period.
And the fact that you have another child to think about is even more of a concern.
You're so right! Especially
You're so right! Especially summer time he's always in our house. What really ticked me off is when I just had my baby girl instead of just me and my husband spending time with our newborn we have to babysit my stepson cause his mom decided to take a vacation for 3 weeks! I had a c-section so it was hard to take care of my newborn and him too my husband helped me but then he had to go back to work so I was stuck with his son.
I'm going to play the devil's
I'm going to play the devil's advocate here. I hope I do not offend you.
All of his behaviors--except the flashing and panty stealing--seem relatively harmless.
I would have looked at playboy at that age due to curiosity. Alot of kids do. The porn thing is a bit more odd, but boys are not really discouraged from looking at porn unless they grow up in very conservative households . . . and it's still tolerated by society as normal "boys will be boys" behavior. When I was 13, two girls in my class told me about looking at porn on the net. I thought it was weird, but not shocking.
With cable and internet, kids get exposed to ALOT very early on, especially when they live in two different homes with different rules.
The flashing is a red flag though. It's an aggressive behavior and he was directing that aggression toward another human being rather than perving out in secret by himself. Not a good sign. The panty theiving is also aggressive and turns his sexual "interests" into a behavior that involves other people . . . again, not a good sign. The fact that the panties were his mother's panties and still held an interest for him . . . not a good sign.
I knew a 13 year old who got busted for stealing his older brother's wife's panties. Other than that, he did not seem particularly disturbed. It made more sense because his sister in law wasn't a blood relative, though.
I think your SS needs therapy. Whatever is going on--and I'm not saying it is or isn't just pervishness--these behaviors have been going on for long enough that he obviously is not just going through a phase. He may have had an inappropriate experience with another child or an adult and is still searching for a way to deal with it. He may have been exposed to some sort of adult situation accidentally. Something happened, and it made a dramatic imprint on him.
I would not trust him around your daughter. He is obviously confused and struggling with sexual issues, and neither or those things bode well for his relationship with your toddler.
Your H sounds like he is too invested in being in denial to deal with these issues appropriately--as in TAKE SS TO THERAPY--which means your best bet, unfortunately, is to refuse to have anything to do with SS.
I would offer your H a deal: you'll let him go for full time custody if he agress to get SS into therapy and keep him there. Otherwise, no go.
This kid grew up in a
This kid grew up in a conservative and religious household, his grandpa is a pastor and they always go to church. He also goes to a christian school. That's why I don't understand why he did those things. I know some of what he did is just normal part of growing up but certainly not the flashing of his genitals at me or watching porn at 11 years old, he got caught watching porn at 11 but who knows since when he's been watching?The thing that scares me is what he did to his mom, hid her undies and watched porn in HER phone. That is a complete disrespect of his own mother. Maybe i'm just paranoid but I just wanna keep my baby safe. Therapy? I doubt it. My husband will just get mad at me if I mention it.