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elvangeline's picture

Submitted by elvangeline on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 2:35pm

I'm a mom of two and step mom of a mildly autistic child.

At first she was okay, but now she is out of control.

She is barely on the spectrum and both of her parents treat her like she doesn't understand anything at all. They won't discipline her at all and she completely runs our house and her mom terrorizes us over the phone. Both BM and SD harass and bully us constantly.

Dad won't stand up for us and lets my SD do what she pleases and treats me how she pleases with zero consequences. He is either blind or doesn't care. Anytime I speak to him about he yells at me. SD is his perfect, precious little princess that can do no wrong.

She always talks back, makes nasty faces and disrespects me whenever she can. She hates my kids and lies to get them in trouble. She lies to her mom about how we treat her.

I just want to hide in my room when she is here. Thankfully she is here only every other Friday to Sunday night but that's still way too much for myself and my kids.

My kids (11 and 7 years old) are telling me that they see how sick this is making me. They are begging me for separate weekends from her. I'm so afraid to tell my husband any of this because I know it will be "all my fault". I'm so lost and alone.

Comments

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 2:39pm

Why stay with a husband who yells at you when you raise legitimate concerns? Who allows his ex and daughter to bully you and yours? Who you're afraid to talk to? Why subject your kids to this?  

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 3:02pm

How old is this child? 

IMO, if your husband isn't doing anything to help his child become a decent human being, then he doesn't love her anywhere near as much as he thinks he does. 

elvangeline's picture

Submitted by elvangeline on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 4:40pm

She is 11 so I have two 11 y/o in the house and my 11 year old does not act this way.

I agree that he doesn't care for her. It's just for his ego for SD to be under his roof.

AgedOut's picture

Submitted by AgedOut on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 3:10pm

Make plans with your kids and let Daddy handle his precious every other weekend. When you get back, put in a movie and cuddle up with your kids and Daddy can entertain his angel. Repeat until she's gone.

Kaylee's picture

Submitted by Kaylee on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 3:12pm

Your husband is also a bully... yelling at you when you raise legitimate concerns. The most important thing in your life is your 2 bio kids.... and your kids are seeing and hearing all this dysfunction. 

Do you have a job and the means to support yourself? It sounds as though your husband is not prepared to listen to any concerns at all. 

I would leave. 

Also if he yells at you, that's abuse. Can you go to a shelter?

elvangeline's picture

Submitted by elvangeline on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 4:47pm

As of late, I agree. He has been my best friend for a few years until the SD appeared in my life pretty much a year ago. He suddenly turned on me and it's forget you wife, it's all about my angel (devil in disguise).

I do work. 

I came here hoping to vent and in the back of my mind wondering if I should just go.

It's a reality check when unbiased strangers are telling me he is a bully and I need to leave. I thought just those two were bullies but I think I agree that I now have 3 bullies instead of 2.

Thanks.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 5:14pm

If you are afraid of him then he is being abusive.

Dont waste your life with this child and her parents, life is short. Take some time to yourself to really examine if this is what you want for your life.

elvangeline's picture

Submitted by elvangeline on Fri, 08/13/2021 - 7:28pm

Unfortunately I'm starting to come to that conclusion. I love him dearly but ever since SD entered the picture, he is a changed man.

I didn't think it was this horrible, SD and BM are awful for sure but I didn't think that BD is abusive. Reading these comments I am realizing he just might be. He cares more for pleasing his child than listening to his wife about real concerns.

You are right, I have some thinking to do.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 5:25am

The reason he gets upset about her being "left out" just means that he wants you to take her off his hands, so next time he whines about it, tell him that it's his turn to take all three of them and, that way he can ensure it doesn't happen. Bet he won't. If he doesn't, you can then hold it over his head (when he starts up about it again) that he had his chance to fix things and yet turned it down... 

elvangeline's picture

Submitted by elvangeline on Sat, 08/14/2021 - 8:55am

Oh I know he is looking for me or anyone that isn't him to deal with her. He pretty much doesn't interact with her unless it's required / basic needs such as give vitamin, food, shower or comfort her when I discipline her on her behavior just for him to go back to ignoring her a few minutes later. I used to do all those things listed plus more but the more her hatred grew for me, I started making him do it instead like he should have from day one of her return.

His dad walked out on him so it's ego that he won't walk out on her. That is the only reason SD is even here.

After being exposed to SD around me for a year, I'm still not sure how he feels about her but I do know that her being here means he "didn't fail her by abandoning her". She is a trophy to keep around for his ego to show everyone he didn't give up.

I wish he would stop being selfish and let her go. It's best for everyone. She doesn't want to be here and honestly I don't think anyone here at my house or at BMs house wants her here either.

He used to treat my kids to nice things and I'd be happy if he watched them while I did something. Now, I know he will probably just yell at them for "hurting SDs feelings" so I don't leave my kids with him anymore.