It's been awhile since I have posted anything.

I was maybe a little nervous to start talking about how I'd decided to stay home and work things out with SO despite the many issues we had faced in the last six months with his child (SD18) that lived with us.

I left for a week at the end of March and nearly ended my relationship.  I opted to buy a house, and did end up proceeding with the purchase of a nice four bedroom home in the same town where I worked at.  However, the possession date was not till June 1st, so I still had a lot of time to be at the farm before then.

I returned home, with the firm rule that SO's children are not mine.  Not my problem.  Not my responisbility.  Not mine to clean up after or play nicey nice to.  He was now fully responsible for his daughter and keeping up with her and any of her friends/roommates/animals on our property.  It took less than a week to wear him out, and for the screaming matches to finally start between HIM and HIS CHILD.

Toward the end of May, a phone call from the school to my work after they'd found their number blocked on my cell phone.  To tell me that my step daughter was caught with drugs on the grounds, that she'd skipped nearly a month's worth of school, and that she was no longer welcome on the property since she was failing now and would not graduate anyway.  Before hanging up on the counselor, the only things I had to say to her were a) this child you are contacting me about - it's not mine, it's not my problem.  and b) perhaps call the father, or the mother who'd bragged to us only the day before that she'd paid over two thousand dollars in grad expenses between dress and tickets, and had spent over eight thousand dollars on grad gift in three parts (Part 1 - car, Part 2 - new flashy saddle, Part 3 - bigger bedroom TV), as she may be more interested in dealing with it than I, after spending over ten thousand dollars on the child for the sake of its graduation.

Both parents were contacted, and SO expressed hopelessness in that the child was too far beyond his control to bring her back now.  He told the counselor that since she and the mother created the problem to start with, they could fix it themselves.  Counselor told him it was a low blow on my part to mother the child for two years and then suddenly disengage and have nothing to do with it, and he told her it was all thanks to her and the child's mother.  I was pretty impressed that he finally stood up for me.

About a week later was the child informed directly by the principal, as he caught her in class, unaware that none of the parents nor counselor had taken the time to tell her that she was not welcome there anymore.  So the principal took her to his office, and between him and her, without parents or myself notified or involved, she negotiated her graduation and remaining school work on her own.  She came home that night with six binders and a tupperware bin full of modules.  She worked her butt off and finished it all.  We attended her graduation on the 29th of June.

Rewind a bit - child was unbearable to deal with for SO.  I had successfully disengaged by this point, blocking child's phone number, mother's phone number, school's as well, and I simply did the things necessary for myself.  If I cooked, it was only for SO and myself.  If I cleaned, it was only the mess made by SO and me.  The house became atrocious and food became scarce, and internet got cut off more than once because I quit paying for it and several times did it not get paid by any of them.  So finally at the beginning of June, unbeknownst to me, SO went and reserved a two bedroom apartment for child and her boyfriend, and at the first opportunity of that famous snotty nose attitude, he allowed it to escalate to a fight once more.  He told her he was sick of it.  Sick of the laziness, that pathetic whiney sulking of hers all the time, the boyfriend laying around, the friends coming and going, and on and on, and she tore into him what a POS he was and how nobody cared about her anymore and that his GIRLFRIEND wasn't doing her job of cooking or cleaning anymore and finally it all came blasting out.  He told her I never entered his life to SERVE HER, he told her he didn't raise her to be a selfish, lazy, whiny little B her whole life, constantly dragging everyone around her down.  He even went as far as when I told her to get out and he didn't back me up, saying he damn-well should have, since she wasn't graduating anyway and that was literally the ONLY reason he'd put up with her this long.  I don't know that I've ever seen such a disgusting look of utter disbelief on this princess's face.  He then proceeded to inform her, "I reserved an apartment.  You are out July first, NOT A DAY LATER.  No if's and's or but's, no excuses, no BS.  You're taking the reins and you're doing this on your own now.  You've been running my house well enough as it is.  Go do your own thing.  God knows we need a break from you."

Since APRIL I have not contributed in anyway toward the child or anything to do with her.  I don't speak unless spoken to, RESPECTFULLY.  She was quite displeased when I had simply ignored, turned and walked away from her the several times she came to me in the house with an attitude.  And this apartment talk - I had not seen it coming.  Nor the supportive words, FINALLY.  I am proud.  And yet, we were both still asked to attend the graduation, and did.  I was ignored by the mother and by every member of school faculty at her grad, including the counselor who made it a point to come by our table and congratulate only the mother on what a wonderful child she'd raised.  SO took me by hand and exited quite early in the evening after the banquet.  I assume for my sake, but I had told him several times that the glares and whispering weren't bothering me.

But back to the present - believe it or not, the child has moved out with her boyfriend.  Locks are all changed in our home and a security company will be installing cameras, sensors and alarms next month.  SO and I the only two to know codes and hold keys, and ANYONE of legal age that ever breaks and enters our home, will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.  Child has her car and is happy with it.  Does not bother us at the farm.  Her horse equipment is outside in a shed and if she comes to see horses she doesn't have to be allowed in the house for any reason if I don't want her in it.

Our home is silent and happy again.  My new home is rented out now to two wonderful tenants.  My life is in my control, and my lawyer is now assisting me in documenting the harrassments/threats/alienation of the mother of my partner's children, as she may yet receive a letter from me if her behavior continues.  She's been made aware of this, and has already backed off from me and been avoiding saying anything more about me to my partner or any of the children.  I was told the other day that I've become aggressive, and frightening for these people to deal with, and I was actually glad to hear that.  After all they've put me through.

SO and I have been to relationship counseling.  We are learning about communication, and repairing broken trust, as well as how to empathise with each other regarding the children.  He's understanding finally that my obligations are in no way attached to his children, and only him and my relationship with him.  It's been a lot better.

So for those that have followed my posts and offered me thoughts, support, wisdom, etc.  Thanks to you all.  I've not followed the advice given, as you can see, but I'm not disappointed at this stage, with the outcomes of my decision either.  We are working toward a good future, and SO grew a backbone SOMEWHERE in the trials of surviving life with Princess Misery.  So I feel confident now - I feel a lot better about a lot of things, and I am happy I didn't give up.

Wish me luck - and I wish you all the best in your step lives also!