Doesn't see the correlation
So the latest "discussion" (heated) between DH and I is this issue:
DH is one of those pampering parents -Zippy is a "last minute Louey" kind of persona -gets up at the last minute -catches the school bus at the last minute and usually misses it-goes to his part time job at the last minute and is usually late etc.
DH's "parenting" consists of asking Zippy16 open ended questions like"
"Zippy-I would like you to take a shower"
Zippy thinking: Yeah I will in about 6 weeks if I remember-and if Zippy does not remember it is up to Dad to remember and follow up-
which of course does not happen and usually I end up playing "What's That Smell"-tracking it down to Zippy who has not showered in two weeks.
DH's answer to my frustration is
"What's it to you if he wants to stink?"
OR on the off night Zippy does shower, 1 minute before his bedtime-this is alright with DH -BUT if Zippy plays last minute louey with the school bus or work DH has a fit-does he not see by letting Zippy do EVERYTHING last minute-Zippy does not see the big deal in being late for his responsibilities?
My DH seems to have no commone sense :O
This is an articulate, educated man-who turns into a mollycoddling imbecile around Zippy :?
Maybe I don't get it. I need a "Frustrated Smiley" for posts.
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Uggghhh, we need a vacation Endora!
My DH says that it's just taking some time for SD8 to get used to my new "rules". It's been well over a year and not walking across the kitchen table while we're eating dinner is a NEW rule?!?! I don't get it either! He tolerates nothing out of my kids, but SD can do no wrong.
And I HATE the "do you think you could do your chores?" "take a bath now, ok?" "do you understand why I'm upset with you and are you okay with that?" BE A PARENT!!!! QUIT NEGOTIATING!!! TELL HER TO DO SOMETHING AND FOLLOW THROUGH!!!
Geesh, it's like trying to teach nuclear physics to a puppy. I just don't think he's EVER going to get it!
Even a five year old sees beyond the "asking" to do things
Last night, I asked SS5, who's always willing to help "Hey, you want to wipe off the table?"
He walked up and grabbed the washcloth from me and said "Not really, but I will."
I just laughed. I try not to phrase things that way, because I know it's not good and when I did, he gave me a cute reminder not to.
Creates a lack of socialization
I think this type of "parenting" really will impede Zippy's ability to socialize-
If DH could teach him basic respect and manners Zippy would be much more likeable all round.
I am grateful that BM has fallen off the planet for the past year and Zippy's grades are fair and he is not into drugs, wrong crowd (yet)-
But this not teaching basic social skills is going to be a killer in the long run-but I am talking to a wall with DH-who figures the kid is not making "waves" in DH's life so all will be well-
Lets hope so...
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Sadly, I too was a "last minute louey"
However, my parents (whom I love dearly ) allowed me to be that way though. It wasn't until many years after moving out, actually moving to a different state, that I curbed that behavior.
Gosh, i remember those years and how irresponsible I was. If I could go back and change it I would have. But I feel my parents should have tried more early on to help me stop that behavior, but they didn't as they were "last minute louies" themselves.
Really
That "last minute behavior" Has Zippy constantly shooting himself in the foot-
For instance, Zip had course selections for his next semester-he left it to the last minute and now will have to take what is available!
Brings his "good" report card home a month after the fact-kid has a 72% average, fair enough-but the point was EVERYDAY for a month -DH in a syrupy voice "asks" Zippy to "Bring home your report card today"-
I would have taken that kid's XBOX for one day and had that report card in hand on the next I can assure you and would have KNOWN about the course selection at that time because it came with the report card!
Apparently Zippy can "raise himself" as DH says he has a "Hands Off" parenting style -whereby his son can learn from "natural" consequences (Yeah right DH-I CAN GUARANTEE SOME OF LIFE'S "NATURAL" CONSEQUENCES WILL NOT BE SO NICE!)
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
BM treats SD like she is
a porcelin doll. Just take her down, pretty her up, parade her around and show everyone how adorable she is, now put her away so BM can go on about her life. BM takes care of her - feeds her and bathes her and such - but I can't help but feel like she just does the bare minimum to make people think she's a devoted mother. How about teaching some table manners, to clean up after herself, to bathe herself, to do her homework, etc. BM thinks I'm making her (and my own kids) grow up too fast, I think I'm letting them grow up.
Like you, Crayon, what do I know?! We have raised pretty decent kids, but what could we possibly know about raising children? My kids aren't grown yet, but I get the frequent comments about how polite, well-behaved, sweet, helpful, responsible, self-sufficient, etc. my children are. At school I get the "Ohhh, you're SD's SM. Uhhhh, she's very cute" as you can see them searching for something, anything nice to say!
I want to wear a sign that says she's not mine with an arrow pointing to SD every time we go out in public!