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Vent: BM working on her weekends

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

Submitted by ErinOnTheEdge on Sun, 02/20/2011 - 10:31pm

BM has SD12 from Friday evenings til Sunday evenings. She has recently started working on Saturdays, I don't know what time or how many hours, but it sounds like a good part of the day. While BM is working SD is left at home essentially alone and with nothing to do. BM's roommate is there, from what I hear, but is in her own room behind closed doors.

SD does not like being alone. One of the first weekends this was going on, SD was nauseated, had a bad stomachache and called her mom at work, freaking out, crying, etc. BM left work and took SD to the emergency room. Yes, the ER, where they spent the entire day, getting thousands of dollars worth of useless, unecessary tests done (on my health insurance). The verdict? The gave her some Advil and sent her home. We have no doubt the illness was either just one of those bugs that goes around, or brought on by BM's terrible cooking, which has made SD sick often. The woman makes meatloaf without draining the grease off the meat, I am not even kidding.

Then, yesterday, SD managed to burst a blood vessel in her foot. From her description it sounds like that couldn't have been prevented even if BM had been there, but it just made me think again, how stupid that she is home alone when we are home on weekends.

I don't understand why BM wouldn't let us have SD while she is working. What possible use is there for her to be sitting there alone while her mom works?? I don't like the roommate watching her because it's not like she's a babysitter who would be interacting with her, she is just an adult that happens to be in the same house.

I think I am going to make my stand if there are any more incidents while SD is home alone. Any more injuries or trips to the dr, I am going to tell DH, you better fight her on this. We have already talked about it and I know DH and I feel the same way, but he's not going to be making any waves unless I push him to.

I guess the reason this bothers me so much is that I have always hated that she doesn't get ANY weekend time with us. We have to be the meanies during the week, with homework, school, and bedtime. She gets to be Disneyland Mom on weekends. We miss out on so many family time opportunities. So it kills me that I have always hated her getting ALL the weekend time, and now here she is, not even there during her visitation.

Comments

Kay2's picture

Submitted by Kay2 on Mon, 02/21/2011 - 12:24am

bleh, poor SD, I agree BM should leave SD with you and your DH while she is working. It doesn't make any sense to have that child home "alone" on the weekends while BM works. There is no reason for it, I assume that you and your DH have brought this up to BM and she said no? :? Poor kid.

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

Submitted by ErinOnTheEdge on Wed, 02/23/2011 - 12:13am

Well, DH hasn't brought it up because he doesn't want to fight with her. We already are pretty sure she would say no and get pissy at us for trying to "take her time". I think we are waiting to see how it plays out... if it becomes more of an issue we can ask.

KK_8's picture

Submitted by KK_8 on Mon, 02/21/2011 - 12:50am

This sometimes happened when I was a child too. I can tell you that even if I did not see my BM the whole time out of our visit, it was still worth it to me to see her for whatever time we had- her picking me up and dropping me off, seeing her at night etc.

Im sure SD would prefer to have BM to herself on those weekends, but is SD saying she would rather stay with you guys instead of going at all? Or is this just coming about because of your fears of BM being Disneyland Mom? My parents used to get upset about the same thing. Its one of the injustices of those kind of arrangements- NCP can always be the Disneyland parent, while CPs have to be the ones giving tough love and providing on a regular basis. Its not ideal for anyone, but its important for the kid to have that time with NCP.

The way I look at it, a parent has a right to care for their kid as they see fit, and make decisions regarding their child's care at their own discretion (so long as they aren't doing anything abusive/illegal). With the CO, that means the parent has those full rights when they are on THEIR TIME. There are going to be difference of opinions, but you probably wouldn't want her raising hell and fighting you over decisions you and BD make regarding SD's care when you are on your time, would you?

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

Submitted by ErinOnTheEdge on Wed, 02/23/2011 - 12:21am

Thanks for the thoughts KK. Your last paragraph is pretty much why I haven't thrown a hissy fit about it... after all, DH and I both work and there are times when our kids are alone or under another person's care, and that is our right, so she should have the right to do the same.

The difference for me is, SD12 does not like to be alone. Up until very recently, she did not even like to be alone on the top floor of the house if we were all on the bottom floor. we never leave her alone in the house, although we do leave the kids alone for short times if both of them are here. She has also told us many times that she wishes she could stay home on the weekends. Basically at her mom's she doens't have her own room or any of her own stuff, so she'd rather be here. So she already doesn't like being left alone, and already doesn't like being at her mom's... it must be real fun for her to be alone, at her mom's!!

I just feel we all would benefit from that extra weekend time so it hurts me to see her mom just "throwing it away." I will hope that SD does get enough out of it, that it makes it worth it for her.

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

Submitted by ErinOnTheEdge on Wed, 02/23/2011 - 12:25am

Technically the roommate is in the house so that would probably satisfy the law. I think in our state, it doesn't give a specific age for being left alone, anyway.

I know exactly what you mean. BM always wants us to be "flexible" - she won't stick to a regular pick up or drop off time, we have to call and negotiate the pick up time every weekend. "I'd like to pick her up at 6:30, does that work?" "No, why don't you pick her up at 7:30." But when we started doing the same thing to her on her pickups, man, were there fireworks. She had me on the phone for half an hour telling me how this was so disrespectful to her, and she just tries to be flexible, but we're not working with her, etc. I kept saying "How is this any different than what you do every Sunday night?" and she just fell back on her usual: deny, deny, deny.