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No privacy in my own home

EveryoneLies's picture

SS13 is always eavesdropping. It's annoying because when we call his name he rarely hears it, but when the conversation doesn't involve him he seems to hear every single word and always eager to chim in (but we don't need it!) even after we ask him to leave.

It doesn't matter how many times we told him to stop doing this because we really do not appreciate the behavior. He insists it's all "just conincident" (yea, right, like ten times a day).

It also doesn't help that he just barged into our room today without knocking.  Sure the door was open but that doesn't mean he gets to come in just because. After all, he's 13, not 5, and this has been addressed many times before. 

Hate this so much. Ugh

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futurobrillante99's picture

My DS24 is Autistic and butts into a LOT of conversations and he's an eavesdropper. I'm trying to teach him to stop but it's like beating my head up against the wall. He's like a nosy kid sometimes. But it stems from his lack of social relationships.

STILL, it's annoying AF.

EveryoneLies's picture

I totally feel you and i completely understand it's part of my SS being on the spectrum.

It's just really annoying no matter what the reason is. We told him pretty much no one would appreciate this, and if we need him we will always call his name. His "superpower hearing" however is selective and I have no fix for it..

 

futurobrillante99's picture

sometimes I have to tell my DS24 to put his headphones on. I work from home and I have zoom meetings and meet with my therapist at home on Zoom.

He doesn't need to listen in on everything I say.

thinkthrice's picture

Little spy.

Cover1W's picture

OSD, after we moved into our house and made it clear that master room was off limits unless permission was specifically OK'd by us (and only for emergency bathroom use as they now had their own which they wanted in the first place), kept barging in at one point.  Totally pushing the rules.

The first time DH did his little 'be nice to the kid' routine, and I'm like, nope, not gonna go there DH, hard rule for me.

So the next time she did it, just waltzed right on in while we were in bed and started asking DH questions....I told her that she knew the rule, knock first for permission. Try again. So she went out, knocked and didn't wait for a response before coming back in. At this point, I sat up, pointed at the door, Get out and do it AGAIN - wait for permission first!  I was pissed and she and DH knew it. But he let me and it worked.

She only one other time just walked in as I was dressing, embarrased herself, and got a "What are you doing? Wait outside until I'm done or ASK first!"  I know she used our bathroom when DH was in his office or not home as she accidentally left stuff in there (I know that wasn't on purpose, likely she was running late and had to run for the bus...) and that stuff was in the trash when I found it.

acef92's picture

My SD12 is exactly the same she is always hearing other's conversations. One day we invited some friends over, two of them where talking in the kitchen and this girl was hide in the storage room hearing all. We talked over and over and at the beginning didn't work but what we did was for example: if I was talking to someone and I saw this kid I was like " oh Michelle sorry (my friend), (turn to SD) SD could you please go? Is disrespectful to hear others conversation so please leave and don't do that again". Or even if I was talking to DH, we did the same. This girl is still like that but way less than before. 
And the room situation I've posted some blogs talking about that because my case severe, but I will talk with this girl because this needs to stop, is so uncomfortable. Good luck, you are not alone. 

EveryoneLies's picture

I remember when I was younger I would also be listening to the adults talking. However, it's only when the adults already signify that I am welcome to stay. In my culture if the kids are invited to listen they don't just get the right to "participate." (more ears less mouth) so the listening really was limited to listen only. 

There are some convos at home that we welcome both kids to stay and to be part of it. But convos like what we think of a house we were considering to purchase, we don't really need the kids' unsolicited opinions/suggestions on those (if we really need them we will ask). SS also tried to tell me how to invest my money once...that's also very not welcomed.

 

futurobrillante99's picture

This is how I was raised: Children are to be seen and not heard.

We were not invited to participate in adult conversations.

Survivingstephell's picture

Time to set the sneak up.  Have him eavesdrop some juicy stuff, some stuff to run back to BM with that is just crazy.  This seems to be a recurring theme of late , pandemic related maybe??  I might even go so far as to "discuss " some big thing for SS and then say it's too bad it won't happen because of some really annoying behaviors you want to get rid of.  I'd be curious to see if he changed  his behaviors thinking some great thing was coming his way.   
Use his eavesdropping against him   

It pi$$es me off thinking you have to live like this in a blended family but when you have toxic parenting styles involved, I think it frees the step parent to be creative.  I mean if "you won't parent your kid, I will one way or another".  I like " another".  My days are over as they are all aged out. 

EveryoneLies's picture

Haha, both DH and I told him no less than 100 times (ilterally). SS doesn't seem to be able to learn. SS is with us 100% the time though, and because of the pandemic he has not seen his mom for over a year.

Part of me understand he really doesn't mean to "hear" everything (because of being on the spectrum sometimes he does hear more than us--sometimes). What annoys me is that even after being told to excuse himself he still argues.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Put a lock on the inside of your bedroom door. 

I use a door wedge they are very good at stopping people getting in!

EveryoneLies's picture

We have a lock but husband left the door open as he walked out the room for something quick.

We didn't expect SS just came in our room. He thought no one was there, but it doesn't matter. He should have knocked and waited before he came in.