Relocating or Running Away? Who cares?
So, DH currently drives 1 1/2 hours each way to work. He moved in with me to give his daughter a better shot at being even remotely successful(which she blew) and to be with me. We have tossed around the idea over the last year of relocating once she graduates from HS. We have been beat up by his kids both emotionally and financially over the last few years. They are unsuuccessful young women who chose not to do well in school and have shitty attitudes to boot. We honestly cannot get away from them fast enough. SD17 thinks she is going to college with her 1.0 GPA. Not sure how she thinks she is going to pay for it. She wanted to go to this one college and said "a 4 year degree is only $60K". Talk about out of touch. She has now resigned herself to community college but missed the opportunity to sign up when they were at the school although I gave her all the info. I have since disengaged totally after our last blow out.
Well, we decided we are relocating to the state he works in a year after she turns 18. I am either finding a new job or hoping mine will let me work remotely. While I know in my heart we cannot tell her she cannot come, our hope is that she just will not want to. She is a nightmare honestly. Selfish, spoiled, mouthy, and her only friends are the misfits of the world. She had a group of popular friends that dumped her and of course that was not her fault as nothing is. I cannot stomach the thought of her coming with us. I am on a campaign to make her understand we will not be taking care of her in any way once we move and if I have to get a bigger space to live in because of her, she will be paying the difference. I have already told him he his free to take her and go if this does not work as much as my heart would be broken. My being detatched is driving her nuts and she keeps trying to get back into my good graces. Every day is a battle and I am soooooooo ready for this to be over. My one saving grace is that he is over them too. He has put up with girls who have disrespected him and abused him on every level because deceased BM allowed it. He just wants to move on with his life with me.
Are we horrible?
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No...just tired. You can
No...just tired. You can only take so much. What does bother me is that the mother is gone. If she is in community college and has a part time job to get her through school, I do think Dad should help out with a place to live. But, she must have decent grades and have a job. If she can't do this, she needs to find a roomate and move out.
After 18, as parents we do what we want and what we can afford to do. DH is not allowing his son to live out of the house to go to school. He won't support it. I disagree, but it is his child. My son will go away to school, but has the grades to support it. His son doesn't. His grades are better now, but that is with DH riding him. He know he is going to have to continue that. Personally, I think he is going to be riding him until he is out of college to brush his hair, let alone anything else.
Just make sure you have guidelines and rules for SK's if they live with you, if not, they are out...
Nope today's kids just don't
Nope today's kids just don't have a clue I'm 38 with a 22&18 yr old the 18 yr old just graduated hs and still has yet to figure out anything! Idk what is wrong I've worked since I was 14 and they've grown up seeing all that so I can't for the life of me understand why they think its ok to be that way....
This child has screamed in
This child has screamed in our faces MANY times how she was moving out after she graduates. She has twittered it and FB'd it to everyone as well. She has family, friends, and older sisters she can go to. She can barely get through high school let alone go to college. She failed every final last year and never got above a D on any test. She stood in our faces and basically said she was fine with her grades and didn't care what we thought. She refused to get a summer job and sat home in her room all summer moping. Thankfully she is in a program at school now that got her a decent co-op job and she is doing well. Her gades are ok, but this is the first time ever. She is still behind a half credit too that we have to pay $150 for her to make up. That is on top of the $250 already paid for make up credits.
Me and DH recently talked about splitting up for a while so he can take SD17 and SD19 to help them get on their feet. I am unwilling to help. The reloaction was our final decision after much crying and discussion. I am stressed out and worn out. I fell off the wagon because of stress and am trying to get myself back on track. I have been an unstable mess. It is all too much for me and if we do not do something drastic, my marriage will not survive. He has been very supportive but my mental health is more important than him.
I am a mastered degree professional who by all appearances seems to have it together and is successful. Little do they know I struggle with alcohol and self injury to deal with stress. Not even his kids know.
I do not know if I am coming or going lately. And yes, I am getting some help.
Wow, an hour and a half each
Wow, an hour and a half each way???
I think after SD is 18 and out of high school, y'all should move where you want. She can still visit. Does she live with you now? Or with her mother? If she lives with you, and you don't want her moving, I'd start talking NOW about what plans she needs to make in the next year and a half. I wouldn't toss her out with no forewarning, but I also wouldn't necessarily assume she's coming with.
I cannot WAIT to move! We are
I cannot WAIT to move! We are moving in the not so distant future and I just CANNOT WAIT!!!
CONGRATS!
You know what's "wrong" with
You know what's "wrong" with you?
You still care enough for your DH and for his evil spawn that it bothers you.
I'm a FIRM believer in "You want to make adult decisions and act like you're grown? Good. Go own it. And no, we're not going to enable you." I don't see a damn thing wrong with dumping a mouthy bitchy legal adult out on the street.
A friend of SD16 was abandoned by his BM last year. She ran off to a different state and got married. Left a teenaged boy in a shithole of a town by himself - the house is paid for, and she sends a whole $100/month to "help" with the utilities and food - he does all the rest himself. Now THAT is crap; the kid hasn't even finished high school.
Friends of mine - their parents changed states while they were at college and didn't tell them.
That's a little bizzaro fantasy world to me, but other people DO do it.
Save yourselves - you know DAMN well from your journey with alcohol (me too) that you can't FORCE someone to change, and if you encourage them monetarily, they'll just do what they want anyway.
My problem is that I care too
My problem is that I care too much. DH is hearing impaired and the sweetest man you would ever meet. No one would ever have a bad word to say about him except his kids who all talk shit about him. His oldest has called him names and told him to fuck off right to his face. That bitch can rot in a gutter for all I care.
I feel very protective and defensive when it comes to him. His daughters were disprectful, horrible, leeches when I came along and drove them away from him. He is forever grateful that he now has some peace and quiet. He was no match for them, but I was. The do not say Boo to me anymore. But I had to turn myself into someone I did not want to be and they fought me and lost. For the most part, things are MUCH better than they were.
It is very difficult for me to leave him to fend for himself with these kids when I know what they are capable of.
Running away is our best option I know.