One week later- progress?
After I started my new blog only a week ago there has been some progress. Namely, DH is back in 'our' bed after an absence of six months!
I couldn't quite believe what happened, but without going into unnecessary detail he made a remark to which I had to respond and let him know that the decision to go into the spare room was entirely his own and that the decision to come back was also entirely his own. The conversation ended with him saying that yes, he would share a bed with me again. I at no point let him fall into victim mode.
We agreed we would see how it panned out- and it is early days- we are only one night in and he has now gone to spend some time with useless SS and will also go see madam OSD this week- so the progress is nothing to shout about, but...
I like to think patience has won out. I didn't make a big thing of it. I am still frustrated that he cannot put me first- we could have made so much of a lovely afternoon so he can cook dinner when he gets back- I am not rewarding him for leaving me alone here today.
What are anyone's thoughts on this? I know lots of people who know my story don't seem to be around any more- but do you think DH is trying to 'buy' me back or is it a genuine reaching out to regain so much of what we lost?
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Behaviour modification?
Behaviour modification? Sounds like I'm training a dog lol! It was very unexpected, but when I asked him if he had any plans for the weekend he said he was going to buy a new mattress for 'his' bed- thus provoking a discussion about what was 'his' bed and what was 'our' bed! He seemed surprised when I reminded him that he was the one who had moved out, and that I was more than happy for him to move back- if that was what he wanted.
It was a very calm discussion. It isn't rewardable, you're right, and I think the blow to his pride is punishment enough. Men can be so silly.
Although he went to SS's today he wasn't there very long- I think just long enough to give him a hand-out. And he is cooking dinner anyway!
I do feel that a bit of a weight has been lifted, but whether or not the relationship has healed any I don't know.
However, I thank you for your wise advice Map- it seems patience does have its own reward after all!
Thanks Second- I do feel that
Thanks Second- I do feel that alignment working some magic. It went on longer than I could have predicted, but yes, there seems to be some self-realisation on his part. I'm glad your DH is 'getting' you too. All I want is a grown-up relationship- maybe we will get it soon!
I think he's realizing that
I think he's realizing that his kids are using him and that he neglected the one person who's always been there for him.
Instead of coming to you and saying... I'm sorry for being an idiot will you forgive me...
he choose the way he did it... gah men are so stupid lol
'I am sorry,' three words I
'I am sorry,' three words I never hear him say, except in a sarcastic manner when he clearly doesn't mean it. I always thought he was too good to be true- now I know where his flaws lie I'm not sure if it makes him more or less attractive. He is who he is, and although it is a sort of progress I still know my place in the pecking order. And it isn't first. Hope you are ok too and moving onwards and upwards!