SD birthday and graduation party
So SD17 will turn 18 in July and graduate highschool in June. She lives with us so we are responsible for getting her ready for college, paying for college and everything else for that matter. BM does nothing.. I mean nothing. Christmas.. she gave SD17 $ 100.00.. last bday.. a card.. whatever.. she is a loser we all know it. However come tax time she is rich.. she has two other kids, on welfare etc... she rakes it in at tax time. SD went to her house for dinner last Saturday... she asked her mom if she would help her get a new computer... BM said no..however she plans to help out with the expense of her graduation party.... ????? What? Help out? Who said there is a party? Who said that we would even invite her let alone throw a joint party? What? So 5 months from now you are going to help with a one day thing.. but right now when you have money.. you are doing nothing? What is even worse is that SD17 is ok with this. It's acceptable and even predicable.. however her expectations on us, DH and myelf are high and never failing. She expects us to buy her a new computer for school, pay for school, transportation. everything... she doesn't seem to get the fact that I was laid off from my job in OCtober and I am still not working.. I don't have an unlimited supply of cash. We live in a home that is above out current means. I don't understand and it angers me that she expects more from me than her own mother... BM gets by with an occasional dinner at her place ( paid for by food stamps ) She does nothing else.. I take her to Drs appointments, I pay her copays and day to day living expenses and I am sick to death of it...
What do I do? Do I say hey.. SD17.. ask your mom? How do I make her understand? How do we get BM to be more responsible for her creation?
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You can't get BM to be
You can't get BM to be responsible unfortunately, so all you can do is try & let it go (I know it's easier to say than do!)
As for SD17 though - she is old enough to be able to understand money and budgetting, so perhaps include her in a conversation about living within your means whilst you're job hunting. You perhaps also need to show her where you & DH have given things up to save money in recent months - whether it's reducing the shopping bill or giving up a treat. Long term you'll be helping her to budget herself, and hopefully even go and get a part time job to pay for things like a new computer!
"God never gives us more than we can cope with, I just wish he didn't have such faith in me!"
I don't think "go ask your
I don't think "go ask your mom" is appropriate because she all ready knows her mother won't and it will just piss her off. Take the factual approach. You can NOT afford it. Sit down with a chart that shows money in and money out. It is math and she can't argue the principles of math.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
We have had these
We have had these conversations with her and she just doesn't get it. I think it's important that she sees BM for who she is.. she got $ 8k in tax refunds, claims SD for additional welfare and food stamps and doesn't help with anything as far as SD goes... nothing. I don't feel that I as a woman married to her father should be expected to do more than the woman who gave birth to her.
Well if she doesn't get it,
Well if she doesn't get it, she doesn't get it, but quit buying her stuff. Just say "no, I'm sorry, we've discussed the financial situation in this house. If you're mother wants you to have it, she can buy it."
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
I'm in the same boat. DH
I'm in the same boat. DH lost his job in December. We're barely getting by. Bio-mom doesn't pay CS- it was never ordered by the court due to her mental illness and inability to hold a job. She had money for the skids over the weekend because her disability check came. We know she won't have any money when it comes time for prom, Senior Trip or graduation expenses. dOn't even get me started on college!
SD17 and I road-tripped this weekend and went on a college visit day. It was so pathetic that we wanted to eat at our favorite restaurant and to be able to save money we split the burger in half and had waters. I know that was a little dramatic- it's not that bad, but I knew we needed money for other stuff. It's always been my "job" to teach the skids the value of money since their BM doesn't.
It's so not fair. To me. Or the skids. Or to my son. Gotta stop now before I get bummed out.
"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."