Holidays...
Well, I thought for the first time since my mom passed three years ago I'd actually enjoy Christmas, since I have my first bundle of joy! I was actually looking forward to it and was excited and before I go any further I do realize that Christmas has NOTHING to do with presents, trust me, material things don't mean much to me.
So....where to start. I dont' really know how to explain this b/c whatever I say makes me sound like a materialistic b*&ch. Basically DH has decided that our 1 months old son (my first, his fourth) does not need any Christmas presents this year. I think it's ludacris, that he shouldn't get ANY! Even a $5 toy would be good, something that I can tell him what he got on his first Christmas and something I can take pictures with that kind of stuff. Even if it's diapers or sleepers or something he needs. So, that's not really the whole story.
DH has spent TONS of money on my Skids. And gotten them stuff that not only they dont' NEED but I dont' agree that they should really have (computers in their rooms, video games they already have but are being "upgraded" that kind of b.s.). And to top it all off, my in-laws allotted $300 for our family for Christmas and I tried to come up with stuff we could all do together, movie tickets, dinner gift cards, etc. DH didn't take any of my suggestions, he threw them all out the window and then came to the conclusion that my in-laws should spend $100 on each kid...but WAIT...there's FOUR kids now!! So, again my BS is being left out and the skids are being beyond spoiled. I'm so freakin' frustrated I don't know what to do. I keep telling myself that it's the memories not the presents and I surely don't think a one month old needs hundreds of dollars spent on him but nothing?? That sounds just mean especially when the other kids are being so spoiled, they are already spoiled and no matter what I say about it DH and my in-laws won't listen. All three of my step kids have this horrible sense of entitlement and will make rude comments if they don't get what they want when they want it. They don't really throw fits, they just keep pushing it until either DH or the in-laws give in. That's not how I want my son raised, but what's the harm in buying a $5 gift so he has SOMETHING on Christmas Day?? Am I upset for no reason? My Christmas mood has been kinda shot, b/c yet again I feel like I come in second to the step kids, and now my son has to deal with that feeling too, not that he can feel it, but next year he'll be one year old....are they gonna give him the short end of the stick again because he's only one??
I know my sister and brothers will probably get my son something, but they'll get the skids something too, which they obviously don't have to do, but they do anyway, and they always spend the same amount on each kid and they usually ask me what the kids NEED not what they want, which works out better for me.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. Some moments I feel like my feelings are totally justified, and then sometimes I feel like I'm being jsut as much of a brat as the skids are....grrrr.
Well the baby is sleeping and since I'm the only one in this freakin' house who actually cleans (they clean but only halfassed and I have to go behind them and redo it anyway, yet I'm not allowed to ask them to redo it right....grr, see I've gotten myself all worked up). I don't get to sleep when the baby sleeps b/c no one will pull their weight around here.
Dawn
- fizzyfuzzy's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I support you 100%. If that
I support you 100%. If that baby was mine he would be getting some gifts and I would not back down. If you back down this year can you expect it to be any different next year?
The Years When My Children were Infants...
Were the least expensive on record but I still purchased and wrapped something (as vickiemac said) developmental or something I had my eye on to buy them in the near future. I say, "Shop On" for your little one...he isn't going to know the difference but you sure will and you're going to have a helluva time dismissing slights toward your biological child. I know I sure do.
I know what you mean about your siblings/parents buying for the skids. My parents (in their abundant generosity) did that as well when we first got married. Being new to the situation they really didn't know any other alternative except to spend the same across the board. But, DH's parents and grandparents don't recriprocate for my bioboys. Essentially it was like SD now had 4 sets of doting grandparents and my boys only had their original 2! Not to mention the fact that SD is like "OFF" for humans aka Human Repellent - even DH says she's not a likable person so I know it's not just me. Anyhow, even my parents tired of it quickly enough and now things have a way of making it to my children without it being noticed by SD or DH. And if it was ever brought to my attention I would deny any knowledge of it. Privately, I feel like my bio-children are entitled to some indulgences from my family exclusive of SD.
About the house/cleaning/chore issue. My DH and I go round and round about this one, "Yours does this, well yours don't do such and such." It's never-ending but all the while, I still have a nagging sensation that my biochildren are being treated unfairly. Sure, I agree children should have responsibilities and learn how to do some basic household chores without being paid for it (b/c as I tell them, I don't get a damn dime for all the work I do regardless of whether they're there or not) and 9 times out of ten, I'm going behind them if I can get to them before DH gets on the scene and makes them do it over and over again until it's up to his level of excellence. (Funny how, when SD has a chore, she never gets checked on, it's only my BS's). This turns a simple chore like scrubbing the bathroom sinks or wiping up the bathroom floor an all-day affair. I just get to the point where I don't want to hear the moaning and yelling and complaining that I secretly do it myself. So you're not alone on that one...either we're obsessive/compulsive or the nature of children is just to do the bare minimum and get out as quickly as possible.
Anyhow, enough rambling, go get that baby something for Christmas OOH and if you really want to piss everyone off, get something that doesn't cost much and then wrap it in the biggest box you can find so everyone will be out of their wits with curiousity to see what's inside.
"Bitter? Table for ONE..."
perception
Not only is it not fair but what sort of message will the SK's pick up on if the newest member of the family doesn't rank the same way they do? Age aside, little examples like that can make a difference in how kids perceive fairness and equality in a blended family.
Screw Him
Sorry but I'm pregnent with my first and I am already afraid for next christmas when DH will not see the babies presents as priority when compared to the other two skids ( even though they live with mom and get to have 2 pretty big christmas mornings)
I say buy for your son. Go crazy if you want. If DH controls the money or does the shopping, I say return 3 presents ( one from each of the skids) before the holiday and use that to buy gifts for the baby!!
And if that's how your in-laws want to be ....I wouldn't bring my baby to see them on christmas! Screw the fight that would most definetly follow, but my DH would never tolerate my family treating his kids differntly. So what the hell do these guys expect?
I'm sorry, but your husband's acting like an asshole.
I don't really know what else to say, besides that. I think that sums it up. He's acting like a selfish asshole. If he can't treat ALL his children EQUALLY, then he doesn't deserve to have any of them. Jeez. I sure as hell wouldn't even think about buying HIM a present. You go out and buy that baby some Christmas presents. There's nothing like celebrating Christmas when it's Baby's First Christmas. I know I went overboard with both of mine on their first Christmases. BS was born in January and BD was born in February, so they were both almost a year old on their first Christmas, but even a tiny baby that doesn't know what's going on deserves to be remembered and included. The baby may never know, but YOU will never forget.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
I have to agree with Anne...
Your husband is being a complete asshole.
Me, I would take $75 from the $300 (allocating it evenly between the FOUR children) and take the skids and make them pick something out for their baby brother.
Then I would take DH by the nuts and have him spend at least another $50 on his newborn son. Then I would take DH to the proctoligist to have the doctor remove my shoe from up his ass.
But that's just me....
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
This is my son's first xmas too
He is 5 months on the 11th. We alloted the same dollar amount per child for all 3 boys. Because of budgeting we are spending less than we did last year on my step sons. They have tons of really great stuff at our house a PS2 & a Wii so no one can say we don't do for them. I had actually suggested that we spend a little less on the baby, but DH would not hear of that. He & the boys are just as excited as I am about the baby's first xmas.
You husband is being a jerk. I am so sorry that he is ruining this for you.