So DH and I have been seeing a therapist. We have only seen her once but both really felt she was helpful. One of the things she has said which we have both agreed is valuable advice is to leave out the details of our grievances against each other and to talk about feelings in a vulnerable “I feel — when you...”

This is hard for me because I need to follow it the most. I am the type who cusses a lot and gets stuck in details during arguments. I am not a good arguer.

So here is my list..

I feel angry when DH chooses to take SD13 for more than EOW.

I feel angry when I see DH’s interactions with SD13 because I feel these interactions are false or unrealistic in some way.

I feel sad when I am around SD13 more than EOW because I have no power to guide or help her. 

I feel exposed and on display in SD13’s extended presence. 

I feel ashamed when I think about how I could have done better for myself. DH is my son’s father and I should be grateful for the life he has provided us.

I feel uncomfortable around SD13 if I am not in an overjoyous mood because I feel she takes it personally.

I feel exhausted by SD13’s presence because she rarely has anything interesting to say.

I feel guilty for thinking SD13 is dumb because I know she has not been allowed to develop normally.

I feel ashamed for the petty things I get mad about with DH, when I know it is actually something bigger I need to address headon. 

I feel angry when DH tries to leave me alone with SD13, whether in public or at home, because we have agreed she is his responsibility.

I feel weak and useless when I see SD13 interact socially with family because there was a time when I was good at encouraging her to be herself. She seems to be a collection of repeated phrases now. 

I feel embarrassed by SD13’s hygiene in public or at family gatherings.

I feel anxiety when SD13 picks up my toddler son because of herpoor hygiene.

I could go on and on and somehow I do feel better!

I feel like a failure because so many of DH’s family thought I would be able to help SD13.

I feel angry at DH’s extended family for heralding me as some kind of answer for SD13’s screwed up childhood.

I feel overwhelmed and confused when I see SD13 make others uncomfortable with her lack of boundaries. 

I feel fear that SD13 is going to be sexually active way too young and that she will become pregnant and become a financial burden on my future.

I feel often useless because I don’t make a lot of money and I am a SAHM. 

I feel guilty for having desires like nicer clothing because I do not make a lot of money and DH does.

I feel ashamed that I have not accomplished more financially even though I know I am a consistently excellent mom and am wonderfully useful to my son.

I feel hurt when I have an idea about home decorating or about how to make our home more organized and DH brings up mild and valid criticisms.

I feel embarrassed that I care so much what DH thinks of me. 

I feel ashamed of the times I have lost my temper