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Followed your advise....

Fransica's picture

Just a little background for those who don't read my blogs. I am a new stepmother of SD11. SD's mother abandoned her when she was just 2 and my DH is a full time parent everyday.

On previous post, I had complained about my mother putting a lot of pressure on me to be SD11 mother since she was abandoned by her. The advise I got was to tell my mom straight up not talk about it anymore, and change the subject every time it approaches.

Started Monday, I am going to start going to counseling on Dec. 17 (I am super excited. I will finally be able to tell someone every damn little thing I think about my new situation and not fear backlash. YAY!!!) I mentioned this to my mom and I said, "Since I am going to start going to counseling, I would appreciate it if you stopped telling me to be her mother. It is those feelings which are causing all the crap in the first place."

Mom said, "I didn't mean it like that, I just meant you should not let it show that you don't like her when you around her. To fake it." (I know that is not what she meant when she said that, but I think she is seeing how difficult this is for me and is now trying to support me.) She went on to say that she now knows how I feel because when SD comes around, Mom is very aware of the fact that SD is not her grandmother, and when SD calls her that, a little part of her dies a well. (I can believe this. My mom's only grandchild, my nephew died when he was just two hours old.) I couldn't believe that she was having such a hard time with it too, since she seemed to be such a natural at caring for SD. Mom said she fakes it just like I do. She also went on to say she can't imagine how hard it is for me because I am having to fake it every single day.

To me though, it is more like living a lie then just faking it, but I have to do what I have to do I guess. At least my husband is so supportive and I get to visit a counselor with all my hurts and get them out of my system. Smile

So Thank you for the advise. I love this website.

Comments

RedWingsFan's picture

That's great news about the breakthrough with your mom as well as starting counseling. I can definitely say from experience, it truly helps when you have someone unbiased to talk to about anything and everything that's bothering you. I always felt so much better!

My mother told me the same thing regarding SD14 and her bullshit. Ignore her, fake it...don't let her know she gets to you or that you don't like her. I lived with a chronic liar (my exH) for 8 yrs. He was a master manipulator, a sociopath and a habitual cheater. I can't simply "fake" my feelings. I refuse to be a fake or phony person to anyone, regardless of how it can save their feelings. Yes, it's a lie, through and through to fake liking someone!!!

Good luck with everything. I do hope things work out well for you! Smile

TASHA1983's picture

^^^Exactly!!! Right on RWF!!!

I don't care who it is, faking it will NOT help! If you don't like someone and can't stand someone it is better to be honest about it. You can tell people you trust like a therapist or a relative or friend and your dh (the censored version of course) but faking it will only bite you in the ass eventually. I work with a woman that I can't stand and she is as fake as the t*** on Pamela Anderson and I am sorry I can't fake liking this bitch...I would rather ignore her or not talk to her than be fake and live a lie. IMHO.

RedWingsFan's picture

Yup, I can't stand a liar and when you're faking something, that's exactly what you're doing. It's a lie. The OP has it right Smile