I actually contemplated this last night. No really.. I did. A little history..

So, for the past year (about that) I would say that I have been down. I came off some antidepressants to try and get pregnant. We started trying Feb 2007. In April 2007, my husband went out to see for 2 monhts. During that 2 months, my Grandmother died, and an uncle committed suicide the morning of her funeral.

Those two events started me on a downward spiral of sorts. I stopped eating sensibly and since last May have gained about 30lbs.

In June my dh was finally home and reporting to a new unit in the military.. one that was going to have him home nightly.. first time EVER in our relationship.. YIPPIE!!! we continued trying. Took a giant family trip in late summer and set up an appt to see a fertility specialist.

The fertility clinic tells me I was pregnant but about to miscarry. Sure enough, later that day I was (I was about 1 week late at this point).. we went for another cycle, nothing, then the next cycle low and behold, I got pregnant... I was so happy so estatic really. Two days later I found out the blood work wasnt great. and for the next month and a half, went through the ordeal of being tested every other day, just to miscarry at 8 weeks. I was devestated.. just in time for Thanksgiving. We were then told we had to wait 2 months before trying again.

January rolls around, and one of my 3 cats (the 10 yr old) dies suddenly. I was beyond devastated.. Didnt go to work for days.. couldnt stop crying and was pretty inconsolable. During this hard time, we are told we have to start trying again, so mainly go through the motions these nights, as I am sad for my kitty. Negative, Feb we tried again... Negative.. March we try again.. (took a home pregnancy test last night.. NEGATIVE) had to go in for the blood work this am.. and still waiting to hear NEGATIVE.

This past week, my older cat (now 1 of 2) the 11 yr old has been having some issues, and I have been even more depressed then normal.

Last night I went out to get the cat a prescription cat food, and I just thought to myself.. I wonder if anyone would miss me if I just kept driving. where to???? I had no idea.. but rather than going right home like is in my personality.. I drove around. Thinking about my life, about how when I was single I thought that was the end of the world. How jealous I was of my married friends. At that moment I was thinking.. That life wasnt that bad. I had no crazy BM and skids to contend with.. which only adds to the trials I have been through this past year.

Once I did get home, I found out from my mother that my dh called her and asked if I had "stopped by" because he hadnt heard from me for an hour and I was just running to the store. Got to be honest... I was surprised that he even noticed that I was gone that long... little did he know, I was wondering where in the world I could drive to, to get away from my life and the pain in it.

Have any of you ever considered just driving and not going back???