She owes you a heartfelt apology -- not a baby sock!
On the other hand, she's at least recognizing the fact that you're having the baby, and getting the skids in on it, which will be best for the kids in the end.
Giving the bag to DH sounds like a good idea. But can you stand to look at it? Everbody has their own taste, so she shouldn't take it as an insult if she never sees it.
Yes, it would bother me in concept to look at stuff that BM bought/made. But I do have stuff around the house she's given DH from the skids, and it doesn't bother me in practice.
You have a perfect "out" whatever you do --it was the hormones.

I dont blame you for being upset, I would be upset if BM was even thinking about my baby. Im sure she has alot of self motivation.

You have alot of things to think about now, and this should be a wonderful time for you.
so my suggestion is, for the sake of the SD, take the bag (I dislike Camo also) and return it, get the credit for something else.
When SD asks you about the bag be honest, or just tell you that your recieved the Brown bag you wanted, and would like to get something else for the baby with that credit. Perhaps you and SD can pick something else out together.

Or you can put in the closet and tell SD that you are waiting for the day when the baby goes hunting in the forest to use it.
only kidding

I would return it ,,in 2 seconds. guilt free ..she should of looked at what you wanted. Everytlhing that you dont want..return..that is why they have registry ...if people dont look at the registry, then its your option to return it

FIM - I was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing hun. You have every right top be upset!! I whole-heartedly believe that she is just trying to manipulate you by "pretending" to be nice and sincere by buying things for your baby. I would never use anything she gave you and if the skids ask just say that you would rather use the one you have. If they get pissed, too bad - they are not the center of the world anymore!! No one worries about our feelings when they do things to purposely upset and undermine us therefore why should we have to always worry about how our actions affect them. This is YOUR baby - do not let her try to ruin anything for you sweetie!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Sounds like the typical BM flip-flop to me. This week she's on her meds so she's trying to be her version of nice--which is way too intrusive for the relationship you have had. Next week she'll be back at it again, cussing you out for something. That's probably why you feel uncomfortable. It's your gut speaking.

I think you should let DH use the bag. Buy your own NOW and say, "Ah, too bad." Save the BM contributions for when SKIDs are there and let them dress baby in them.

Our BM does the flip-flop too--goes from being bitchy to us to calling me "honey" one night (gag). The first night I met her and SD (at her invitation) she stormed out of the house and SD called me to DH "your slut girlfriend." Ain't it special?

Congrats on your baby. Hope all goes well.

I'm not surprised people who aren't stepparents just don't "get" this. But I think you're right. BM made my first BD a blanket, and I had a hard time stomaching that. We have it, and we do occasionally use it, but it's not BD's primary blanket, so I have lived with it.

With regard to the bag, I would simply ask the stepkids if they helped their mom pick it out. If so, then you can legitimately say it was "from" them. If not, I would return it (if you can) and pick out one together with the stepkids. I don't think they're too young to understand that it's just "not your style."

If none of this works, I would "accidentally" damage it. Then you can return it and get a new one or simply toss it and get a new one. No one's feelings will be hurt, and you won't be the bad guy. If this were anyone else who gave you the bag, you wouldn't feel obligated to use it. So don't let BM push you into this if it's not what you want.

I have been in this very position. Luckily, the skids lived in GA, so I didn't have to worry about them seeing me "not using" the stuff BM bought. BM always wanted a boy, but i had the 1st boy to DH. She was not happy, but bought all this crap I didn't want, nor need. I was sooooooo pissed. Dh could've cared less. BM's need to butt out of our baby experience and let us have our time....w/out them involved!

I would accept the gift, say thank you, then return it when skids aren't around. I am not usually an advocate for lying, but in this case, I think you should tell them that the dog tore it up, or it was blemished on the inside and they didn't have any more when you took it back or you spilt kool-aid on it.....you get the msg I am sure. Then go on about it. I think if you make a big enough deal about them giving you somehting, and then maybe taking them with YOU and letting them pick something out for the baby, they will be happy.

I would return it. Thank goodness BM never got us anything for our son. I barely even got a congrats from her, not that I care. I would kindly tell SD oh, I already got a diaper bag that I wanted and don't need two of them. Maybe suggest that they get you a diaper genie so everytime you put a sh*tty diaper in there it will remind you of BM. Or I would take it and return it myself. The socks and onesie the baby will grow out of in a month and will be gone so no harm really there. I do like the idea to take SD and you and her pick something out together with the credit.

personal imo just like a purse. I have been through a few since BS was born & have ended up buying myself a regular purse that is larger. I hated transfering my wallet, cell, keys lipstick from one bag to another or having to carry two bags when we went places.

I say either return it or let DH use it. My DH had his own smaller black diaper bag in the begining. I personall hate camo.

I am amazed that BM is flipping out due to her previous nutjob behavior. I have been wondering where you have been of late & how it was going.

no way...shes not nice and she wont change. i would never want anything from her bc it would be a reminder to me of how awful she is and the fact that she is in our lives FOREVER. so no thanks.

and why dont DHs get stuff like this??? just the other day DH and i were talking and he said we could use SDs high chair and stuff when we have a baby. i said no! and honestly, i was mad he even suggested it! i know it would save money but i want my OWN stuff for my baby, especially my first...i dont need to be using stuff he used w his other baby mama, especially THAT one. what is wrong w them???

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

the crib that was bought for DH's first son. It doesn't match the rest of his new furniture but it held great sentiment for DH & both boys who had used it. BM had given it to DH's cousin, so the cousin then gave it to us.

Trust me I would have loved to have picked out my own, BUT It made DH & the boys feel really good. Besides, I am not having any more children. We have gotten somethings from BM that were the boys. A rocking horse my inlaws bout SS11 for his first xmas ( inlaws also bought our son one for his first xmas that moves it's head & tail & makes noise)Two motorized ride on vehicles that were the boys & she gave us two bags of clothes that her BF's sister sent, that actually had some pretty good stuff in it.

This Sunday as we were playing with play doo that I bought for BS ( the boys love playing with BS's toys. I told them I have fun with the play doo, coloring & blocks too) the boys brought up a play doo table that was theirs when they were little & decided that they want BS to have that. They plan on telling their mom.

My BM is not a nut job, just a selfish controler when it comes to her kids who also enjoys taking DH's money so I would not be surprised if the play doo table doesn't find it's way over to my house.

in my case I tell myself that it is the boys stuff & they are so in love with their brother. I almost chucked the bag of clothes in the goodwill pile but was pleasantly surprised by some of the clothes in there. The stuff I kept were mostly sweatshirts & shirts. I have to keep a couple changes of clothes at daycare for just in cases so that is what I sent over there.

This probably sounds dumb considering I have a boy, but I love making sure he is coordinated & wears cute clothes. If he had been a girl I would be broke.

Boy I get you on the hormones. Mine are still bad - not often but when they flare look out! Personally you and I have a lot in common and here's what I would do...

Get the BM out of your head. Easier said than done but consider it a gift from Stepkids. Accept and keep the gifts. You don't have to use the bag. It's so masculine that you can say it's DH's diaper bag. Fill it with some diapers and make it look like it's been used. You never have to use it... the kids will eventually forget.

On the bright side, BM didn't freak out about the pregnancy. Be thankful for that. Don't always think about "why" she's doing something. Just take it at face value. It's really hard not to remember the past (I had similar BM attacks in my first two years of marriage)but over time have learned to let it go. I don't ever forget but I dwell less and less on it. I too was soooo very worried about the BM's reaction to my pregnancy and you know, it's been ok. She'll comment and I'll have to hear "my mom thinks you should blah blah" but I just get over it. The more I learn to let go, the easier my life gets. YES, you deserve an apology. I did too. But it isn't ever going to happen. Settle for some peace and help create more of your own

Take care and good luck with everything!!! Enjoy this, you deserve it

Lots of ways to interpret that...It sounds like a dysfunctional act on her part, but it should not matter to you what is on her mind. If you assume the diaper bag is for the masculine parent to carry then you don't have to and he is the one who will have to deal with it, not you. After all the only reason you have to deal with her is because of him. I'm pretty sure she won't be coming to your baby shower, so if the kids give you stuff, assume it is from them, say thanks and Dad will just love this bag.

Good luck. Being a step monster is so fun.

while I was pregnant with him, not to mention the other f-up things she did and said. Our baby was born in Oct. by Dec. she bought a little blue santa hat for him and sent it over w/ skids, making sure they told me how she picked it out and bought it for him. OMFG! It was a nice chilly night, and DH and I started a bon fire....guess what went in it! "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."~ Randy Pausch

I wouldn't want it personally. I would just say thank you and either return it or do not use it. Who cares what she thinks.

throw it in the trash - but that is just me. That woman has a lot of nerve and should just mind her own business and quite trying to be cute like everything is just okey dokey okay and we are all buddy ole pals and she is so generous she gives you gifts. GAG!