The Reason I am Frustrated
Okay,
As I sigh in frustration early this morning as I drove in from work I found pot in a Rx bottle in our driveway. I pick up and confirm what it is and show it to my wife. Normally a married couple would handle this; but there is history.
The history is I'm a step father of two young men. The younger one (19) still lives with us, is a father of a six month old girl. My wife and I are out odds on how to raise "her" boys. To the point were I've asked for a divorce several times. So that's why I said a normal couple would handle this. I've been accused of purposely trying to sabotage these young men and only look for negative things on both of them. This drug discovery is not the first time. Plus the teenager has a history with the law too.
So she confronted him about the weed, drove him to work and drove out of town with our biological daughter and my in-laws. I went to sleep as I was tired from work and staying awake for my own Dr.'s appointment from the previous day. I woke up an hour ago and my gut instinct was gnawing at me. I searched the teenager's room and found a yellow, cylinder, Tupperware containing a electronic scale, 20-30 sandwich bags, and one baggie containing marijuana.
I'm at a lost and completely frustrated. I've my wife countless times for help holding him accountable for his actions. Hence me reaching out for help. If only by simply blogging about it.
I've vented to close friends, family, and co-workers. I'm "that guy" now whose constantly complaining about his home life. I don't want to be "that guy" anymore.
As for the drugs, I called the local police and had them pick up the controlled substance. Remember I stated earlier this was not the first time we'd found an illegal substance in our home. So rather than just "throw it away" like last time.
Thank you for taking the time to read my vent about this.
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Comments
She is in denial. She has a
She is in denial. She has a friend who is an adult probation officer and has offered in the past to test him for drugs. To which my replied with "No, that's just SS going through a faze".
We've even taken in my brother in law when he was released from jail for the same thing. I wound up kicking him out. It's a cycle in their family. I'm not saying my side or I am perfect, but we don't believe in drugs, stealing, burglary or in anything dishonest in order to support a bad habit. As my bio states, I'm retired military with several deployments in hot spots of the world. I've literally tried everything to try and motivate these two to better themselves so they can have a better future.
Thank you for your post.
I would call the cops and
I would call the cops and that's what you did. I would also not allow anyone over 18 to live in my home who was bringing in drugs. I suppose your bio daughter is a minor? Done deal. He's out.
Stop having arguments with your wife. Start taking actions.
Get copies of the police reports on the drugs. Then take them to a divorce lawyer. Hopefully this person will tell you that you can get custody of your daughter based on that evidence. Then file for legal separation.
In my first marriage I was advised by marriage counselor to file for legal separation because counselor knew I wasn't ready to flat out divorce, but LS is a step you can take to separate your spouse's problems from your own, including debt and let's hope criminal liability. Once she realizes how serious this is and she is losing not just her spouse but her daughter as well, she may come to her senses and let the young man fly with his own wings. You two can then reconcile.
Or she may just still dig her head in the sand. In which case you can proceed to divorce.
I myself will not live in a house where someone is bringing in drugs. If I ever find them in SD15's room, I am calling cops, informing DH later. She can live with her mother after that.
We've actually talked about
We've actually talked about legal separation in the past, but decided not to. I'm reconsidering that option though. What really scares me is the look our daughter gives me now. You see when she was born I was stateside, but soon deployed to Iraq when she was just 6 months. I know, I Know, but it just scares me on who my wife would bring into her life and what impact that would have on our daughter. Thank you for your post.
Good job calling the cops.
Good job calling the cops. How did that turn out?
I was disappointed with how
I was disappointed with how the cop reacted. He simply stated that all he was going to do was throw it away. And asked me what I'd like done. My reply was "Take him to jail". The cop didn't like that reply and gave me advise to give to my wife.
He didn't really care about the situation.
So you've asked for a divorce
So you've asked for a divorce several times. Do you actually intend to file or are you threatening to file in an effort to show her how serious you are? From personal experience threatening divorce never makes things better. If you want a divorce file. If you want your wife to understand how you feel then therapy.
I've gone to the extent of
I've gone to the extent of actually contacting a lawyer. But I must admit I'm scared of what toll is will take on our daughter. Thank you for your post.