I don't think the kids should have the choice. I think once they get older the visits have to be more flexible when the kids start to be social and maybe at one parents house it is more comfortable to have sleepovers vs the other parents house. But on the whole, I don't think they should have a choice. Maybe you should have started out her visitation slower and built up to the whole weekend.

Just my opinion!

until they are older teens. By then, it only serves to make things much much worse if PAS is bad.

issues with older skids as crayon....the pas was so bad, they didn't want to deal with "rules" and it wasn't 24/7 entertainment at dad's house....older skid (14) decided not to come anymore...DH went to the cops and asked if he could have them enforce the visitation agreement and they said at 14, no. If a kid doesn't want to go to visitation they do not have to,,,,wtf?...so I guess its ok to just stay with the BM and be as ambitious in life as she is ....luckily all skids saw the light and got away from her....

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

so it really depends on the state. BM tried to keep SS away a few times and DH had to go get him with the police in tow

there were occasions where I didn't want to go to the other parent's house. However, I was made to go anyway. My dad was more than willing to allow my friends to come over to his place, and allow me to go to their homes, because those are things a lot of parents do. But I didn't get any choice as to whether or not I went to the other parent's actual home. I think that unless the other parent is a really bad person (felon, drug user, rapist, abuser, molester, etc.) then the child needs to go see their other parent.

this is also very typical behavior for a 4/5 yo at this age. Sleepovers don't become comfortable for kids until they are 8 or so. Just be supportive of her and maybe call both nights before bedtime to say goodnight and such.

Where I am the kids go on visitation UNLESS the parent (recieving visits) gives the ok to skip it. My SD likes to do all the fun stuff too so sometimes we trade weekends. No big deal.

As a BM I really would feel badly if my kids did not want to go and I had to force them. You probably have to give him the visits, but once they are old enough they usually do let the kids decide.

At this age a child is going to want to remain in one place more often. All of this "bouncing" upsets them. In your situation I feel it might be worse due the fact that you child just got a real father so abruptly.

You need to nuture and encourage this new father/daughter relationship by allowing her to remain with her father the entire weekend. None of this, "you don't want to go then you don't have to". That would only led to a child manipulating both parents and the situation entirely.

From the way you describe your ex, he is estatic to have his daughter with him and goes to great lengths to spoil her. Thus, from the sounds of it, he is not such a "bad" guy. So I do not see a problem of why the two of them should not spend time together. However you did not mention why he had been to prison.

Yes, this transistion will be difficult and could last over a year or so, especially with her age, before she becomes comfortable visiting with him. I beg of you, please allow your daughter and her father to know each other.

I also recommend not calling too often---from experience these type of phone calls only upset the kid(s) and the situation. Maybe once over this short period of time, say for instance Saturday night at 7:00 PM? You have to remember 48 hours is not a long time and I am sure every moment is precious to your ex to be with his daughter.

Good luck!

Take care,
Anne

Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat.

Personally the kids should not have a choice. In the state I live in (Indiana) it says if there's an event or activity the child or children want to attend, the NCP can allow the child(ren) to attend event or activity instead of visitation BUT the CP must not try to interfere with the NCP visit until he or she has made a decision.

I think it's 14 before they can be heard by a judge to request any change in visitation. Before that, the order stands as written, and if the CP allows the child to "refuse" to visit the NCP, contempt charges can be filed, which can result in up to 30 days, fines, and reversal of custody.

As far as deciding on the day of visitation that they don't want to go, they can't (and shouldn't be allowed to) do that. Part of parenting is doing what is best for them, and ensuring that they have relationships with both parents is almost ALWAYS what is best. In the few cases that differ, a judge would order something different. I have had the horrible days when we have to physically pry my son from his dad's truck, or from my car, but he is losing control at the time, and NEEDS the reassurance that choosing between us is not his responsibility, so he never needs to feel guilty for choosing the other one. I have no doubt, in hindsight, that pulling him from the car, and forcing him to go with his dad, or come with me, was best for him, because he needs both parents, and needs to know that we control his world. It gives him security to know that his mom and dad say what they mean, and mean what they say. He trusts us to protect him, and respects us because of this.

"Be careful who you have babies with..." --BitchBitchBarbie, 2009

My bs12 went through this with my ex when he was about 2 or 3yrs old. His father is not consistent at all and stopped seeing him for about 5months. (his choice not mine).
When he wanted to start taking him again my bs then little would cry and push his little face up against the car window and scream
"mommy don't make me go". Needlesss to say I cried everytime he left.
My ex would call me later and tell me he was okay and eventually they developed a relationship (sort of) again.
HIs father has been in and out of his life, cancelling all the time, not showing up it got to the point my bs12 didn't want to see him.
I took him to counseling because he was holding it all in but felt like he didn't really have a father and his dad would never love him.
At this point my bs sees his father but does not sleep there.
His father has put him through alot and doesnot make a point to see him. I WILL NOT at this point make him stay there if he doesn't want to however I do not let him miss a scheduled day with his dad unless it is okayed with my ex.
I think in situations were the parent consistently sees the child, and wants to love and support them then yes they should be made to go.
When a parent treats the child like he doesn't exist and is selfish like my ex, then you get what you sow. I have tried to make his dad realize he needs to be consistent and begged him to be a father and he didnot step up. At some point the child will just not care anymore.

I am amused to see this topic on the blog today. My BS16 and BS13 go to their dads every Wednesday and every other weekend. Well last night my 16yr old said he has decided that he is not going on Wed. anymore. I told him nice try and tell your dad Hi from me..
I am not going to lie two teenage boys I sometimes look forward to a night off from cooking, cleaning and making sure homework gets done.
And, I get to sleep in on Thursday without getting them up for school -)