Question
We had a wonderful holiday weekend it was just DH, DS5 and I. We grilled hotdogs and hamburgers and hung out at the pool all weekend. 
I noticed this morning that SS12 was tagged in a few pictures on FB. He spent the weekend with BM. There are multiple pictures where he is surrounded by adults there are beer cans, wine glasses and liquor on the table and people smoking.
I saved the pictures but my question is: Is that inappropriate? I ask because I have a tendency to overreact.
My dad was a functioning alcoholic. (Didn't realize this until I was an adult)so he drank around us and both my parents smoked. I'm very funny about what goes on in my home while my kids are present. A few beers or a couple of glasses of wine I suppose is okay but I didn't get the impression that there were any other kids there. So SS spent the weekend with adults and there probably wasn't a sober person to monitor the situation. I also know that BM likes to drink to excess.
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Comments
"I didn't think there was a
"I didn't think there was a moron left on earth who didn't know you shouldn't subject kids to second hand smoke. " >>>>>>Says the women with the smoking monkey in her picture!! Lolololol! I know, not related...just struck me as funny.
Totally sucks that you have
Totally sucks that you have to send children that you care about into this kind of an environment. I know FDH and I are very concerned about the future well-being of his kids due to the behavior that goes on with BM. But there is not a thing we can do about what she does at her house. However, this also means, she can't do anything about what she doesn't like that goes on at our house. You know, abusive things like bedtimes, daily baths, eating a fruit or vegetable at every meal, etc.
I'm sure it is, aswang. We
I'm sure it is, aswang. We just don't do it. That's why I asked. I never know when I'm overreacting to things. So I guess I'm just weird because I refuse to allow my son to be exposed to that sort of stuff.
DH said he would have been okay with SS being at that party if it didn't appear as though SS was participating in adult festivities.
MY son is 5. I'm really not
MY son is 5. I'm really not sure a conversation about alcohol/drugs will mean much to him at this point. At this age I wouldn't want him to be put in an environment with a bunch of drunk idiots where no one is supervising him. You assumed that I would never have those conversations with him. I will. I just choose not to put him in the types of situations where someone could get hurt.
DH has had conversations with SS12 about drugs/alcohol. I could see how SS would think it's okay with BM encouraging him. I realize that you all cannot see the pictures so maybe it really does look bad or maybe they only look bad to me. Maybe you can't understand my concern because you don't know BMs history.
In general, I don't think drinking a few beers or a couple of glasses of wine is a bad thing. I don't drink and that's a personal choice for me.
"This is the norm at my house
"This is the norm at my house on the back porch every weekend for sure, and some evenings after work as well." MEEE TOOO!!!
You and I must live on the
You and I must live on the same planet. I don't think BM did anything wrong.
Errrr well ummmm my kid is
Errrr well ummmm my kid is around this almost every weekend. We always have friends and their kids over in the summer. Cooking out, bon fires, smores, sprinkler for the kids. And yes us adults drink. The people driving with kids always have a DD (one parent doesnt drink)and it's never out of control.
THIS
THIS
I don't think there's
I don't think there's anything wrong with a few beers. If there's much more than that, it's probably a good idea to have a least one adult, probably more, who has their wits about them in case some kind of supervision is needed.
IMO,the smoking thing isn't a big deal if it's outside and you're not standing right beside the kid.
FWIW, I grew up in a home
FWIW, I grew up in a home where smoking, drinking (usually to excess), loud partying behavior by the adults in our home (mom and dad, and all their friends who came over) was an "every weekend" thing. My exposure was plentiful.
I grew up to be an adult who doesn't smoke and rarely drinks. I don't "party" like most adults my age, in my circle do. But I don't mind if others do, or if my DD12 is around it. I'm sort of the "weird" one for not being more of a partyer, I think it's ok that DD12 sees both lifestyles.
You asked if it was inappropriate for your SS12 to be exposed to this, I say no. As long as safety wasn't an issue, it's fine.
OP....I would have been a bad
OP....I would have been a bad parent you your eyes. lol
I think you are over reacting a bit. You don't know if everyone was drunk or just having a few beers and wine. Let this go.
Unless there have been
Unless there have been problems in the past, I would tend to agree with 'letting it go'.
I asked it was answered.
I asked it was answered. Clearly everyone thinks I'm overreacting. I let it go. People just seem to want to lecture me about how I shouldn't think alcohol is evil. I don't. I think drinking in moderation is fine if that's what you like to do and if BM didn't have a history of excessive drinking with her friends while SS was present I probably wouldn't have thought anything of it...
I don't drink. That's MY personal preference.
I don't think you're a bad parent. I don't know you. I do however know how BM behaves.