I feel that my DH has badmouthed me to his ex-wife. Actually I feel that they both talked sh!t about me together.
My husband blames me for all of the drama between him and his ex-wife and his ex-wife blames me for everything that she's done.
Just to give you an example of what I'm talking about:
My husband blames me for all of the friction between the two of them over the last four years. Essentially it's my fault that because she entered our home without our knowledge and I sent her an email clearly and tactfully putting that boundary in place and she decided that she would punish DH for it. Punishments can range from calling CPS on DH and then blaming me for it to not letting the kids go and say goodbye to their dying great grandfather amonst many other things.
This is just one example of what I'm talking about.
The issue that I have with everything at the moment is that I feel like I'll never get anything close to a first marriage. As of right now I feel like my DH and his ex-wife are on a team together and I'm on my own team.
He of course denies talking smack to his ex-wife about me but has admitted up to blaming me to her for their lack of communication (email contact only) stating that he would never have done it and she would never had escalated if I had stayed out of it. Well I'm sorry DH but I will not sit ideally by while another women just does whatever the heck she wants with no regard to anything other than what she wants. If it affects me then I have a say. It's pretty plain and simple.
Here are some examples of her stellar behavior, which is all my fault, over the last four years.
- She stalked DH for the first year of our relationship. Sitting outside out house at 3am, countless phone calls, countless texts, sending pictures of herself, showing up at our home while both DH and I are at work.
- Called CPS on DH.
- Went down to my daughter's school when she was 5 and proceeded to mess with her out on the playground after she was told to leave her alone.
- Screwed DH over on his taxes.
- Wouldn't let DH take the kids to see their great grandfather before he passed.
- Tried to take Christmas morning from him last year.
- Has badmouthed him repeatedly infront of their children.
- Threatens him with court, child support, and anything else she can if she doesn't get her way.
All of the above, according to DH and his ex-wife are my fault. She is looking for an excuse for her behavior and DH blames me for her retaliations because she would never do those things had I not stepped in frustrated with the situation and demanded that he do something about it.
I refuse to be the third wheel in this relationship and am hurt and betrayed that DH would talk about me with his ex-wife and blame me for the fact that he procreated with a nut job that can't keep her sh!t together if she doesn't get her way.
Her newest ploy now that she's going to give birth soon and can't afford the kids that she has now is to get DH to sign his right to the EIC credit over to her for the last three years so she can claim money that she's not entitled to so she can put a down payment down on a house. DH is all for this because it's for his kids. Mean while she refuses to give him one of the kids to claim this year on his taxes which means that we'll end up owing a nice little chunk of money to the IRS which in turn will cause us to struggle which in turn will affect not only his two children while they are with us but mine as well.
For some reason he thinks that she can just claim it because he can't but the divorce decree states that it's his while she gets to claim both of the kids on her taxes every year. I have spoken to the IRS about this and they have stated that neither parent qualifys because they share custody and in order to claim the EIC they would both have to lie on their taxes stating that they have had the kids for more than half of the year. When I brought this up to DH he told me that he has not problem telling the IRS that she had them for one additional day over the last three years. Of course BM has told DH that she plans on giving DH a significant amount of the money (doubtful) in return for his service to her. I told DH that if she intends to put a downpayment on a house she won't be able to afford to give him any money. Of course he's okay with this because it is what it is right?
What upsets me about all of this is:
1.) He and his ex-wife talked smack about me together and blamed all of thier drama on me.
2.) That we have to struggle and go without, when we have worked for what we have at our house, because of what's in the best interest of the children at his ex-wifes house. Does this make sence to anyone? We can't even manage to save money right now. I get texts from DH all of the time about how we only have 20 dollars in our account until payday and that's with normal expenses and not the additional amount we're going to struggle to pay the IRS at the end of the year. What they have done in the past is she van have the EIC if she gives him one of the kids.
I'm just really irratated and disappointed at the moment. Am I out of line here?
Let's not forget last year when BM was laid off around the holidays, which she knew months in adavnce, and couldn't afford to pay her half for SS's kindergaten tuition so DH ended up having to pay it for the month of December, which we can't afford especially that time of the year. When DH told her that she needed to come up with the money for January she basically told him that she is not legally obligated to pay for half of SS's tuition and if DH didn't pay for all of it in January that she would file contempt charges because he would then be removed from the all day program which she didn't agree to.
Apparently, that was my fault too. It must of somehow been my fault when she got fired from her job for stealing as well seeing as how all of the issues they have had in life over the last four years seems to be my fault.
Oh and the amount of money that she will receive from the IRS by defrauding the federal government comes to sum of almost 20K. And this isn't the first time she's pulled this type of fraud. We have documented proof that she tried to sell DH her food stamps for cash which is illegal.
As of right now I feel like my DH and his ex-wife are on a team together and I'm on my own team.
He of course denies talking smack to his ex-wife about me but has admitted up to blaming me to her for their lack of communication (email contact only) stating that he would never have done it and she would never had escalated if I had stayed out of it.
----------------------------------------------
This is a converstaion that both he and his ex-wife had together about me and I view this as talking sh!t about me to each other.
Wow no. I would not be in a relationship like that for one minute longer then it took me to walk out the door. Never would I put up with MY DH talking about me behind my back to BM, NEVER.
ETA you deserve better!!!! Find someone who loves you! Just you! Who would NEVER dream of disrespecting you like that! They ARE out there because my DH would NEVER dream of doing that to me.
Apparently DH doesn't view this as talking smack about me. I just don't know what to think about all of this. He seems to care more about his kids well being at his ex-wife's house then he cares about how much everyone including his kids will be struggling at our house.
Technically it's his house and he has no problem pointing that out to me.
And on another note, he seems so eager to help out his ex-wife (for the kids) but pretty much refused to go with me to spend one last Christmas with my grandmother before she passes (stage 4 lung cancer) because he doesn't really know my family and doesn't want to feel uncomfortable and because my granthmother is dying his kids will be expected to be under control and he doesn't think that it's fair. He told me that based on these reasons, even though he doesn't want to spend Christmas away from me, if I choose to go see her that he will take his children to see his family for Christmas in another state.
WTF! is all that I have to say to that one. Has it not dawned on him that I was nervouse and uncomfortable the first time that I met his family, that you have to start somewhere when meeting new people, and we see his family several times throughout the year. He's met my grandmother once and she had to drive to come and see us. He has never offered to spend a holiday with any of my family.
His responses today to my questions about he and his ex-wife talking about me has to basically call me an effing nut job. He just doesn't understand why I'm upset about it and he doesn't think that he's talking about me behaind my back.
I feel that he and BM have formed an alliance together which equals what's in the best interest of the kids in BM's household and don't upset BM because you never know what she's going to do. Mean while we get bent over by her while she gets everything she wants.
The least of your worries is DH and BM talking "smack" about you, although that is very disrespectful of him to do.
The big issue is the fact that DH is willing to lie to the IRS and this lying will affect your finances. It's bad enough you're going to have to pay for his stupidness, but now it's going to affect your children? Oh heck no.
And you are right not to trust that BM won't give DH any of the EIC money she gets. There's no guarantee she'll use any of it for down payment on a house either.
I apparently forgot to put this part in the post or any of my prebious responses. I took a 401k loan out a couple of months ago and DH wants to use what's left to pay for the amount that will be owed to the IRS at the end of the year.
So instead of not working with BM if she's not willing to work with him I'm expected to pay for his choice to go ahead and give BM the EICs = 20K that she's not eligable for and I'll just cover the additional cost of her being a uncooperative b!tch and pay the IRS.
On what planet does this even make sense. Oh. I forgot. It's my fault, or atleast it will be in the future, that this is even happening.
What makes you think that I agreed to this? I have no say in any of this. BM is going to defraud the government, DH is going to help her, DH is going to be helping support her household by doing so, we're going to get screwed at the end of the year tax wise, and I have to use the rest of my 401k loan that I took out a couple of months ago to cover the additional tax cost at the end of the year.
Believe me when I tell you that I didn't agree to any of this. As far as BM and DH are concerned they will do whatever they want in regards to these types of situations and I have no say in them.
Technically it won't be defrauding the government if he writes her a letter for her accountant stating the he is giving her the EICs for the last three years. She claims that she can just take them, even though they are legally DH's, and doens't need the letter. Why then is she counting on the letter from DH in order to make her claim to the EICs legal? Why, if she can just take them, has she not done so over the past three years?
The bottome line is DH is going to help her out by helping her get a free down payment for a new house in the name of his children. When DH asked to claim one of the kids on his taxes this year so he doesn't get screwed because he's claiming more dependents then he should because we are strugling financilly she said no. So why help her out then? Why why why? I just don't get it.
Let her end up in a rental. She wouldn't care if we lost DH's home because we couldn't afford it due to this tax thing. She wouldn't give two f^cks. I say let her deal with it. If she can't compramise then so be it. But she doesn't just get her way and we get screwed because of the kids or because DH doesn't want to deal with the drama.
It is unacceptable for you to be the third wheel or problem child in his relationship with his ex.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This. This. This. It is unacceptable for him to consider me a problem child in his relationship with his ex-wife. I assumed that we had the relationship not he and his ec-wife and I assumed that our relationship would matter more than his relationship with her. After everything she has done to him. I'm the problem and he's more than willing to bend over backwards for her, help her rip off the government in the name of his kids, help her with a down payment on a new house but I can't even get him to come to one final Christmas with my grandmother, who's pretty much the last of my family before she dies because he refuses to make his kids behave and he doesn't want to feel uncomfortable and I'm expected to cover the money that we'll owe the IRS at the end of year because his ex-wife won't work with him at all even though his helping her and give him one of the kids to claim this year. I'm assuming she's going to go for the EIC for this year so she'll end up with around 25K but she needs both of the kids to get that money.
What I get out of this is that your DH and BM have NO concept of boundaries and when you, rightfully, informed BM of your own boundaries.....well, that was the most horrible thing in the world you could ever do!
I would take away their whipping post. Who are they gonna blame when you are no longer around?
There are SOOOO many things and HUGE RED FLAGS with this entire situation. Least of which is his obvious disrespect for you.
Comments
I feel that my DH has
I feel that my DH has badmouthed me to his ex-wife. Actually I feel that they both talked sh!t about me together.
My husband blames me for all of the drama between him and his ex-wife and his ex-wife blames me for everything that she's done.
Just to give you an example of what I'm talking about:
My husband blames me for all of the friction between the two of them over the last four years. Essentially it's my fault that because she entered our home without our knowledge and I sent her an email clearly and tactfully putting that boundary in place and she decided that she would punish DH for it. Punishments can range from calling CPS on DH and then blaming me for it to not letting the kids go and say goodbye to their dying great grandfather amonst many other things.
This is just one example of what I'm talking about.
The issue that I have with everything at the moment is that I feel like I'll never get anything close to a first marriage. As of right now I feel like my DH and his ex-wife are on a team together and I'm on my own team.
He of course denies talking smack to his ex-wife about me but has admitted up to blaming me to her for their lack of communication (email contact only) stating that he would never have done it and she would never had escalated if I had stayed out of it. Well I'm sorry DH but I will not sit ideally by while another women just does whatever the heck she wants with no regard to anything other than what she wants. If it affects me then I have a say. It's pretty plain and simple.
Here are some examples of her stellar behavior, which is all my fault, over the last four years.
- She stalked DH for the first year of our relationship. Sitting outside out house at 3am, countless phone calls, countless texts, sending pictures of herself, showing up at our home while both DH and I are at work.
- Called CPS on DH.
- Went down to my daughter's school when she was 5 and proceeded to mess with her out on the playground after she was told to leave her alone.
- Screwed DH over on his taxes.
- Wouldn't let DH take the kids to see their great grandfather before he passed.
- Tried to take Christmas morning from him last year.
- Has badmouthed him repeatedly infront of their children.
- Threatens him with court, child support, and anything else she can if she doesn't get her way.
All of the above, according to DH and his ex-wife are my fault. She is looking for an excuse for her behavior and DH blames me for her retaliations because she would never do those things had I not stepped in frustrated with the situation and demanded that he do something about it.
I refuse to be the third wheel in this relationship and am hurt and betrayed that DH would talk about me with his ex-wife and blame me for the fact that he procreated with a nut job that can't keep her sh!t together if she doesn't get her way.
Her newest ploy now that she's going to give birth soon and can't afford the kids that she has now is to get DH to sign his right to the EIC credit over to her for the last three years so she can claim money that she's not entitled to so she can put a down payment down on a house. DH is all for this because it's for his kids. Mean while she refuses to give him one of the kids to claim this year on his taxes which means that we'll end up owing a nice little chunk of money to the IRS which in turn will cause us to struggle which in turn will affect not only his two children while they are with us but mine as well.
For some reason he thinks that she can just claim it because he can't but the divorce decree states that it's his while she gets to claim both of the kids on her taxes every year. I have spoken to the IRS about this and they have stated that neither parent qualifys because they share custody and in order to claim the EIC they would both have to lie on their taxes stating that they have had the kids for more than half of the year. When I brought this up to DH he told me that he has not problem telling the IRS that she had them for one additional day over the last three years. Of course BM has told DH that she plans on giving DH a significant amount of the money (doubtful) in return for his service to her. I told DH that if she intends to put a downpayment on a house she won't be able to afford to give him any money. Of course he's okay with this because it is what it is right?
What upsets me about all of this is:
1.) He and his ex-wife talked smack about me together and blamed all of thier drama on me.
2.) That we have to struggle and go without, when we have worked for what we have at our house, because of what's in the best interest of the children at his ex-wifes house. Does this make sence to anyone? We can't even manage to save money right now. I get texts from DH all of the time about how we only have 20 dollars in our account until payday and that's with normal expenses and not the additional amount we're going to struggle to pay the IRS at the end of the year. What they have done in the past is she van have the EIC if she gives him one of the kids.
I'm just really irratated and disappointed at the moment. Am I out of line here?
Let's not forget last year
Let's not forget last year when BM was laid off around the holidays, which she knew months in adavnce, and couldn't afford to pay her half for SS's kindergaten tuition so DH ended up having to pay it for the month of December, which we can't afford especially that time of the year. When DH told her that she needed to come up with the money for January she basically told him that she is not legally obligated to pay for half of SS's tuition and if DH didn't pay for all of it in January that she would file contempt charges because he would then be removed from the all day program which she didn't agree to.
Apparently, that was my fault too. It must of somehow been my fault when she got fired from her job for stealing as well seeing as how all of the issues they have had in life over the last four years seems to be my fault.
Oh and the amount of money
Oh and the amount of money that she will receive from the IRS by defrauding the federal government comes to sum of almost 20K. And this isn't the first time she's pulled this type of fraud. We have documented proof that she tried to sell DH her food stamps for cash which is illegal.
As of right now I feel like
As of right now I feel like my DH and his ex-wife are on a team together and I'm on my own team.
He of course denies talking smack to his ex-wife about me but has admitted up to blaming me to her for their lack of communication (email contact only) stating that he would never have done it and she would never had escalated if I had stayed out of it.
----------------------------------------------
This is a converstaion that both he and his ex-wife had together about me and I view this as talking sh!t about me to each other.
Wow no. I would not be in a
Wow no. I would not be in a relationship like that for one minute longer then it took me to walk out the door. Never would I put up with MY DH talking about me behind my back to BM, NEVER.
ETA you deserve better!!!! Find someone who loves you! Just you! Who would NEVER dream of disrespecting you like that! They ARE out there because my DH would NEVER dream of doing that to me.
Apparently DH doesn't view
Apparently DH doesn't view this as talking smack about me. I just don't know what to think about all of this. He seems to care more about his kids well being at his ex-wife's house then he cares about how much everyone including his kids will be struggling at our house.
Technically it's his house and he has no problem pointing that out to me.
And on another note, he seems
And on another note, he seems so eager to help out his ex-wife (for the kids) but pretty much refused to go with me to spend one last Christmas with my grandmother before she passes (stage 4 lung cancer) because he doesn't really know my family and doesn't want to feel uncomfortable and because my granthmother is dying his kids will be expected to be under control and he doesn't think that it's fair. He told me that based on these reasons, even though he doesn't want to spend Christmas away from me, if I choose to go see her that he will take his children to see his family for Christmas in another state.
WTF! is all that I have to say to that one. Has it not dawned on him that I was nervouse and uncomfortable the first time that I met his family, that you have to start somewhere when meeting new people, and we see his family several times throughout the year. He's met my grandmother once and she had to drive to come and see us. He has never offered to spend a holiday with any of my family.
His responses today to my
His responses today to my questions about he and his ex-wife talking about me has to basically call me an effing nut job. He just doesn't understand why I'm upset about it and he doesn't think that he's talking about me behaind my back.
I feel that he and BM have formed an alliance together which equals what's in the best interest of the kids in BM's household and don't upset BM because you never know what she's going to do. Mean while we get bent over by her while she gets everything she wants.
*tears*. I could have written
*tears*. I could have written that ^^^.
What the fuck is wrong with these grown baby ass men, it's as though putting up boundaries will be the end of the world. Gah.
The least of your worries is
The least of your worries is DH and BM talking "smack" about you, although that is very disrespectful of him to do.
The big issue is the fact that DH is willing to lie to the IRS and this lying will affect your finances. It's bad enough you're going to have to pay for his stupidness, but now it's going to affect your children? Oh heck no.
And you are right not to trust that BM won't give DH any of the EIC money she gets. There's no guarantee she'll use any of it for down payment on a house either.
I apparently forgot to put
I apparently forgot to put this part in the post or any of my prebious responses. I took a 401k loan out a couple of months ago and DH wants to use what's left to pay for the amount that will be owed to the IRS at the end of the year.
So instead of not working with BM if she's not willing to work with him I'm expected to pay for his choice to go ahead and give BM the EICs = 20K that she's not eligable for and I'll just cover the additional cost of her being a uncooperative b!tch and pay the IRS.
On what planet does this even make sense. Oh. I forgot. It's my fault, or atleast it will be in the future, that this is even happening.
What makes you think that I
What makes you think that I agreed to this? I have no say in any of this. BM is going to defraud the government, DH is going to help her, DH is going to be helping support her household by doing so, we're going to get screwed at the end of the year tax wise, and I have to use the rest of my 401k loan that I took out a couple of months ago to cover the additional tax cost at the end of the year.
Believe me when I tell you that I didn't agree to any of this. As far as BM and DH are concerned they will do whatever they want in regards to these types of situations and I have no say in them.
Technically it won't be
Technically it won't be defrauding the government if he writes her a letter for her accountant stating the he is giving her the EICs for the last three years. She claims that she can just take them, even though they are legally DH's, and doens't need the letter. Why then is she counting on the letter from DH in order to make her claim to the EICs legal? Why, if she can just take them, has she not done so over the past three years?
The bottome line is DH is going to help her out by helping her get a free down payment for a new house in the name of his children. When DH asked to claim one of the kids on his taxes this year so he doesn't get screwed because he's claiming more dependents then he should because we are strugling financilly she said no. So why help her out then? Why why why? I just don't get it.
Let her end up in a rental. She wouldn't care if we lost DH's home because we couldn't afford it due to this tax thing. She wouldn't give two f^cks. I say let her deal with it. If she can't compramise then so be it. But she doesn't just get her way and we get screwed because of the kids or because DH doesn't want to deal with the drama.
It is unacceptable for you to
It is unacceptable for you to be the third wheel or problem child in his relationship with his ex.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This. This. This. It is unacceptable for him to consider me a problem child in his relationship with his ex-wife. I assumed that we had the relationship not he and his ec-wife and I assumed that our relationship would matter more than his relationship with her. After everything she has done to him. I'm the problem and he's more than willing to bend over backwards for her, help her rip off the government in the name of his kids, help her with a down payment on a new house but I can't even get him to come to one final Christmas with my grandmother, who's pretty much the last of my family before she dies because he refuses to make his kids behave and he doesn't want to feel uncomfortable and I'm expected to cover the money that we'll owe the IRS at the end of year because his ex-wife won't work with him at all even though his helping her and give him one of the kids to claim this year. I'm assuming she's going to go for the EIC for this year so she'll end up with around 25K but she needs both of the kids to get that money.
On what planet does this remotely make sense?
What I get out of this is
What I get out of this is that your DH and BM have NO concept of boundaries and when you, rightfully, informed BM of your own boundaries.....well, that was the most horrible thing in the world you could ever do!
I would take away their whipping post. Who are they gonna blame when you are no longer around?
There are SOOOO many things and HUGE RED FLAGS with this entire situation. Least of which is his obvious disrespect for you.