"There is no family on my home" the blog :)
I decided to post a blog because I did not want to hijack sunshine's thread.
As far as feeling like I lack family, yes I do. That part of me is wounded and very numb and sometimes I feel like my heart is re-broken on a daily basis. I wish I could fix it but so far my magic wand is broken and it seems unfixable due to the dynamics of the actual situation. I have even wondered if I can endure it this way for always. My Dh's attitude is that if I think we will not be family then we never will be. Well, I think it takes more to feeling family like than saying "poof, we are now family." I was and am still willing to work towards a mutual agreement that will teach ALL of the children to be productive, responsible individuals but my dh doesn't seem to "get" this. Sadly, so far, unless I agree to letting the skids do whatever they want and act however they please, then we have no agreement. I have learned that some parents would rather parent by not parenting than risk saying no to their kids for fear that the kids won't like them and I am not one of those parents.
I have come to the point of where I do not really discuss what is happening with the skids anymore unless I know that it will affect me directly. I bite my tounge when it comes to sd because my opinions are unwanted. It is just my way to deal with a situation where I have no control. My ss is a sweet kid but also thinks that he should be constantly entertained and have and do whatever he wants. This is how the skids were raised by the bio-parents. My dh says that he needs to let the reins out a little since sd is getting older. :puzzled: Reins?? That pony has never even worn a halter let alone reins. And you know what is really sad? I actually like these kids and did want to get to know them and build a relationship with them. I still do but not under the terms that have been set forth. We are going on six years and I am not so hopeful anymore so I have put it in a box and put it away.
The tough thing is that Dh and I do get along very well but due to the whole family and kid thing we lack intamacy which is very hard for me. He is a good guy with a good caring heart and this makes it even more confusing. All of that makes me sad.
I can say I do have peace for the most part because it is what it is. I will not let them decide if I will be happy or not.
A big hug to all of you wonderful ladies. 
- Georgie Girl's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Oops, I mean in
my home. I am glad they are not on my home, they might fall off!
"I can say I do have peace
"I can say I do have peace for the most part because it is what it is. I will not let them decide if I will be happy or not."
Good for you!
The highlight of my marriage
was in the 2nd year at Christmas when ALL 4 our our children came over for dinner, SD26, SD23, BD20, and BS15. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven! It was so wonderful to have them all there with me and DH, like a real family! But alas, in time more issues arose and we haven't had anything resembling a family since.
DH mentioned that dinner the other day and said that's what he wants for our family. I told him it may never be like that again and he looked at me like he was going to cry. I feel so sad sometimes that we were not able to get all our children together, but I've accepted what we have. We ARE a family, even if it's just DH and me sometimes.
This sounds like my DH, Passion
Whenever the 7 of us are able to come together at the dinner table (DH, me, BS19, BS15, SD18, SD16, & SD13) and we can have a meal in relative peace, he'll get all "misty-eyed" and emotional and say he wishes it could be like this all the time.
Sure. And there'd be a soundtrack of beautiful music in the background, too! And we'd all hug and laugh and have potato-sack races out in the backyard.
But the reality is, those moments are few and far between, so grab 'em while you can.
The reality is, we are NOT a family- we are seven people who live in a house together. Some of us are here full time. Some of us are here part time. Some of us WANT to be here. Some of us feel like were FORCED to be here. Some of us don't like the other people who live in the house and have said so to their face. Some of us "threaten to leave" all the time and hold it over the heads of others.
So when we do have those momentary glimpses of a typical "family life", I guess I could see why DH would get nostalgic and hopeful and wish it would happen more frequently.
But in reality (where I reside), it isn't going to happen!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
potato sack races
and badmitoning touries!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Wow!You're dishin' these
Wow!You're dishin' these wonderful sound bites out for me one after another!
"I can say I do have peace for the most part because it is what it is. I will not let them decide if I will be happy or not."
I hope this, the beginning of my 6th year in the role of SM, will be THE year I reach that place you have. Peace. Acceptance. And the owner of my happiness. Otherwise I told DH last night I don't know that we can all live together til SD turns 18.
You know in my new BPD book, written for families specifically and by one of the Eggshells authors, talks about how most higher functioning BPDs won't seek to fix their issues through therapy unless a person they are in a relationship with threatens to leave them if they don't. SD definitely is a high functioning BPD, or a crossover -both high and low functioning symptoms, meaning she gets good grades and is very social-hyper social NEEDS constant activity/socialization, and values her current BFFs more than her own family. If one of her friends or BFs she cares about most in the world told her she needed therapy she would do it "for them."
I wonder sometimes what she would do if I left with BD and the boys? I think I'd be getting a nasty email, phone call, or text like Sunshine did, blaming ME for the family falling apart. But then...
I think she would make herself a martyr of losing her SM for her audience of friends. Anyway, thanks again for the inspiration GG!
"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert
Sita, I can se it now
There is no family in my home, the play written and directed by our very own Sita.
Familyless Home
How 'bout a play on words?
"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert