Seems many of them have the EXACT same problems as the SMs here do.

Meh. Whatever!

I went and read all the posts about us. How very sad that they can't seem to look from both sides and understand that it is our personal problems.. Now as far as some SM beating her 4 year old SK for normal behavior and everyone backed her any one find any of that true or did I miss this???? I hate people who like to talk shit when they have no idea what we live through. I have never hit my SD even though the thought has crossed my mind but never have/never would that isn't my job... Also for them to talk shit about our DH/SO? they should be "banned" for that we don't talk about them.. How dumb!

anyone as that is not my job now or ever. I don't think anyone here,(that I know of anyway) think we are better. I know that my problems are bad but someone has problems worse then me on a very bad day... I LOVE this site it has helped me talk to my H and work through alot of what I normally would have ran away from!! So to any LURKERs !!!Untill you know anything about us do not ever jugde someone untill you have walked a mile in our shoes!!! Thanks

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

looked around a bit. And found a stepfamily forum on there. Guess what? Many of their members face the same problems many of us do. So I wouldn't put too much stock in what that one poster, and a few others, had to say. They are not living the Brady Bunch life either.

Yes, there are posters on here that I sometimes disagree with; just as I'm am certain others would disagree with me on some aspects. But that's ok. I generally leave the posts I disagree with alone, except for a few that strike close to the heart. Then I'm not so great about keeping my opinions to myself.

My reason for being here is to get others perspectives on my situation, and offer, hopefully, some advice, from experiences where I made mistakes and learned from them. The biggest benefit is I've found friends-true friends, who I hope to keep for many many years.

why I am here if I am peaceful and happy?...really?..... does it have to be only negative venting here?......I'm here because, while I have finally gotten to a point in my situation where every day isn't hell..BUT.....I still need to vent at times,I have gotten some of the best advice ever from some of the SMs here. I have been through this before....sometimes it seems like if u are positive on here no one wants to hear it....soooo...I rarely post, BUT if I feel like my experiences can help someone who is going thru something similar, I try to add my two cents in an attempt to help, just like so any of you have done for me.......for instance....my SS had a serious allergic reaction to something and had very bad hives, etc.....so I posted about it and lo and behold, a great SM who worked at an allergist's office helped me immensely!......now, I will admit that I have recently told some of my friends here that I was thinking of leaving for a while because it seems very negative lately to ME....but that's MY decision, it in no way means that these SMs don't have a right and need to vent about their situations....it simply means this environment may not be constructive for me and my situation any longer.

"there are three sides to every story....your side, my side and the truth :)"

It was really interesting to say the least. I suppose it's hard not to judge someone when you really only know the things they post about and not the entire story that brought them here in the first place. Usually,unless someone is a total psychopath, they don't purposely act like a mean,nasty person to innocent people or children/teens... There's a reason why women here feel and think the way they do and the people on that site can criticize and berate all they like. Truth is, although I can relate to a lot of people on this site I really have no idea the depth of the situation they live in and therefore I have no right to say,"you shouldn't be that way." "how could you say those things?" "You're a terrible person for doing that!" "You're too negative" "Your situation is your fault" "You should be understanding and kind when someone is spitting in your face for years." "Find peace and love girl" While finding peace and love is the ultimate goal...most of us just aren't in that place right now and won't be for a while hence the need to vent anger.

I have also thought of leaving this site but NOT due to the negativity caused by others venting their problems...(that's the whole point of the site mostly) but simply due to the fact that it gives me TOO much freedom to vent my negative feelings. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone or not. I love reading everyone's story and getting perspective and giving (hopefully)helpful advice but it's too tempting to turn my blogs into a bash fest to get out all the rage and anger I feel about things that happen in my life. When you're in a tough situation no matter how hard you try, you can't force yourself to be all about peace signs and daisy chains and that's why most people come here...we don't come here to be criticized because we're too negative and nasty because I'm sure most of us have had enough criticism in our real life already to last us a lifetime.

I would simply LOVE to read any blogs posted by our DH's exwives or our stepchildrens blogs whether they're teens or adults. I'm sure they aren't spouting rainbows and butterflies out of their keyboard either.

Hmmm...maybe we should make a rule to make this site a little more "palatable" for the faint of heart. For every negative blog we do, we have to do a positive one also.

i'm also sure to catch a lot of sh*t for writing this...*sigh* I suppose I really am just a b*tch }:)

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

Who left here in a huff twice. She also was on a smaller site that branched off of this one and left the same way. I believe she still has an account here, and she may lurk to read.

She was very popular, but seemed to be determined to criticize anyone who didn't share her view. We were friends at one time but somehow even I must have offended, b/c she unfriended me from myspace when she left here.

So don't feel too bad about that thread. It was a personal vendetta type thing. I do think sometimes we get people on this site who came to watch and poke fun at us pitiful angry heartless bit@ches from reading that thread though. At least it seems that way when we have a highly aggressive and judgmental poster on here who seems hell bent on provoking a response.

However...

We may also get people who read that, come and read our blogs, and find that most of us are sincerely here to get help to improve our situation, or to express feelings in a safe environment, mostly without judgment, that we can't anywhere else in the over saturated world of PC. (Hmmm- that Personal Computer AND politically correct! Interesting!)

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?" ~Hamlet Act III scene I

I do think some of the things I come across from time to time here may be a little much. But at the same token I don't live their lives and who am I to think they are to harsh? I mean when we get right down to business, you have to ask yourself "who the hell am I to judge anyone?" Not one of us here are perfect, not one. We are here because we are step parents and we are having a hard time dealing with certain situations, some of us are here because we have came out rosey and want to share our stories and advice to other step parents who may not have anyone else to share with! I appreciate every single response, peice of advice, and member here. And for the people who don't, and think that we are all nothing but a ball of hate, deserve what we get, etc, Who cares? I damn sure don't.

~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~

As someone who lurked for a long time and hasn't posted much....
This site may "reek of negativity" for some, but for others, its a refuge. Sure most of the stepparents that post here are a little angry sometimes, but isn't everybody?
The way I see it, if they don't like what we have to say, then they can stay the hell away from the site.
It sounds like they have nothing better to do than to sit on their high horses and critisize us for having issues. Well, they have their own and people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
I love this site.
I love logging on and reading what Crayon has to say. Or what's been going on with secondwife19. And what trouble Sita Tara's SD has caused now.
Some of the stories make me laugh, some make me sit and think about how bad I think I may or may not have it in my situation, some have made me cry.
Whatever happended to freedom of speech and being able to talk about your feelings without wondering if somebody thinks you're a piece of crap for doing so? I for one think its healthy to have a place like this where we can vent and have the different opinions to help us through our tough times.
Because if you're just going through it, somebody on here has already been through it. Its more about guidance. That's what I think.
They see the negative topics, but do they read the positive responses?
Like I said...people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Ok. My thoughts on this as it comes around every few months. Someone finds the link over at another SM site and posts it. This in turn sets every one off. I have been here a little over a year. I'm sure that those that have been here longer can vouch that just like the fights and bickering that cycles so does the discovering a negative blog about ST. Take it with a grain of salt. This is an old post as Sita mentioned. One of the posters was an ex ST who in all of her enlightenment pissed off a lot of people no matter WHERE she went. Seems to me that the problem may not be the sites as she is the common denominator.

As for the negative posts here....YEA it does get that way sometimes. Trust me that TK (gasp I can't bring myself to type her name) was not the first and I'm sure she will not be the last. I think we are a diverse group and each brings to the table something different and unique WITH different styles and approaches. I attribute that to life's lessons and our situations. Does this site get bitchy? YOU BET! Are some of the posts petty? YOU BET! Do feelings get hurt? YOU BET! Do I ignore that which I do not approve of? YOU BET! I may not agree with how a person handles their situation. If I can be of service and share a story of a similar situation that I have PERSONALLY lived I will. If that person chooses to utilize it or give it a moment's thought...hey their choice. My attitude here and in life....YOU like it? I LOVE it. If a person's situation is so bad that there is no joy in their lives and they feel that they've got to put up with it and don't choose to do anything to CHANGE it so they can tolerate being in the situation...then things aren't as bad as they've made it out to be. Because I personally believe that if it were problematic enough they would do something about it. So, I know that won't sit well with some BUT IDK. My opinion of the situation. I am not judging anyone for their situations cause LAWD knows I've had my share and still do from time to time. I am just a solutions oriented person and I look for ways to rectify the problem. It really is true that there are more than one way to skin a cat. (No I do not skin cats in real life).

So, take this with an open ear and heart as it is intended to help rather than further divide. This from a SM who has probably seen it all as I deal with a Bipolar BM and skids who were greatly influenced by her EVEN while living in my home. Being tortured by her and their behavior in MY home. Never getting a break because she wouldn't even get them for a visit. In fact, DH is away for the SUMMER and I was absolutely DREADING summer. BM would not take the kids. They were being total and complete ASSES and I was feeling hopeless. After I regrouped and came with a new game plan...BM is acting like she's got some sense and for the FIRST time in 8+ years is trying to CO-PARENT with me. :shocked: I'm not stupid though. I realize that she is only willing now because she knows that if I say NO MAS then SHE has to get them. Skids on the other hand spent 4 days with her and were calling begging to come back home. NOPE! They needed to get a full helping of BM to appreciate me. So, for the moment I have my WONDERFUL kids back and a cooperative BM. My house is once again peaceful and the skids and I are actually enjoying our summer. Do I think that BM will always cooperate? HELL NAW! I predict that the minute DH steps foot on US soil she will be back to being the butt that she is. But for now...I will take PEACE however it comes.

Like all of you on here I found this site when I was at an all time low. Things were crazy and Dh and I were even strained for a bit. The kids were freaking animals. With support and guidance and the attitude that I would change the situation rather than let the situation change me further I went about trying to get things smooth. I've gotten lots of good advice here and I've given good advice. Not because I think that I am better, but because I was willing to put in the work even when it meant me standing alone. DH eventually stopped straddling that fence and took off his Daddy Goggles and the kids began to toe the line. THAT was after having awoken one day and realized that I WAS a BITCHY, MEAN and VINDICTIVE SM. I initially had allowed my situation to change ME. No more. I took back ME and my home and I can honestly say that ST friends helped me do that. I am back to where I LOVE my life. I love my DH because he was willing to take the difficult step and stand with me for right and not for relationship. Meaning he finally realized that it was okay to enforce rules with the skids and still be liked AND even loved. I LOVE my skids. Now the dogs? EH. LOL.

Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P