I haven't been here in years, not because I did not have the "need" but because I guess I handled things differently, but today I need to vent, and I don't know where or to who. This is not about SD or BM, really...

I feel extremely lonely in my house, city and country...

Unfortunately my marriage really sucks right now and I feel really stuck. DH's behavior and temper are as bad as ever and I feel like an idiot because I'm still around, waiting. Waiting for a better job (since financially I do not think I can make it by myself) waiting to move anywhere really. I have no family in this country and it gets lonely.

He is an abuser, period. Today he called my son stupid, and I KNOW I need to leave, I just want suggestions and advice on how and when.

My son is not his biological child, but he met him when he was only 1 week old and has been the only father my son has known. We got married when my son was 7 months old, now he is 5 years old.

My husband cooked a nice meal today and as he was serving the food my son started making faces and/or some comment about the food. Now, I know he is extremely picky and it is indeed annoying when you make a nice meal and you have this little kid not appreciating it. I've been there, and I myself have gotten mad as well. But my husband's reaction was to get really mad and tell him "stupid little brat". Of course after that we argued and I even told him, "Oh, if I said that about your daughter..." and he said, "but she is NOT your daughter that's the difference" <---- How ignorant can you be?

Later, he admitted to me that perhaps he does not have the patience it takes to deal with my son, that maybe he needs a different father with more patience. -_-

I truly hate my marriage at this point, and I truly believe I tried to be a decent wife. I understand I need to leave him. He just makes my life miserable with his grumpiness and all. He is extremely supportive when it comes to dealing with BM and SD, but I just cannot handle this anymore, I deserve a man who respects me, I don't even care about love at this point, I just crave RESPECT towards me and my child. I think I'm scarring/traumatizing my son by letting him have THAT as an example of what a father and husband should be.

I could go on and on about all my reasons, I have already decided. My problem is the when and how, so please tell me your thoughts about my situation as I kind of pinpoint small statements about my current life in regards to the divorce subject.

1) I hate this area where we live, is about 20 minutes from Orlando, 10 minutes from Disney, but it kinda is in the middle of nowhere with not-so-great schools and not any nearby job opportunities.

2) We have a house together, if we get a divorce should I "fight" to keep the house/debt. It is a 3 bedroom house with a mortgage payment of $720 a month which is way cheaper than any 2-bedroom apartment that I have been looking at. But then again, I don't want to be stuck in this area.

3)My son will start Kindergarten in a decent Charter school in August.

4)I have no family in this country.

5) My job really sucks, and although I graduated college about a year ago, I still haven't gotten a better job. So I definitely would "struggle" to say the least if I just move out and try to make it on my own.

6) We have about $13,000 in our Savings account just sitting there, I guess we would split it once we get a divorce.

7)I am willing to move to ALMOST any state if I find a better job. (since I do not like my area/house/marriage/job) And I have no legal attachment other than the house.

8)If DH says he doesn't want to split the funds, should I threaten with filing for Child support? I probably would not ask for child support otherwise, mainly because I want to be able to move wherever I please.

9) Can I even do that? If it is not his biological child, but he has been his dad since he was a baby?

10) I am not a citizen, I'm a Permanent resident, but next week, we were planning on submitting all my paperwork. Should I stay until I'm a citizen? That way the money (around $800) would come out of Our funds, and not my funds. That process could take around 6 months, provided that everything was filed correctly.

I feel like a astray sheep... Or a lost puppy.