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Would you do it all again?

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

Submitted by GizmoBarnOwl on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 3:53pm

I quite often do this, I write a blog, then read a load of other peoples blogs and sit here thinking to myself I wonder how many people on here would choose to do it all again?

If your fairy god mother came to you at the start of your relationship and said :

"Look, its going to be like this, and this is where you will be at this point in time"

What would you do? Would you stay and think you could handle it for the love of your man / lady?

OR

Would you just walk away and save yourself the bother?

I have said to my SO that if I knew 18 months ago what I know now, I would have had to think seriously about if a relationship with him having BM & the SKIDS in tow would work! It just NEVER occurred to me when I met him that a single dad had a single mum behind him who would cause so much trouble!!! Now I am in, and I love that man so so much! I could never just walk away. Not without a fight!

But if my fairy god mother told me then how I would feel now, I might have seriously thought twice about getting involved.....

Comments

imthewife's picture

Submitted by imthewife on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:14pm

My sister just asked me this question.

I would probably say NO.

As much as I adore my DH and have been with him for 16 years...and we have 2 wonderful children together...it has been tough.

You don;t know what is going to happen. We dated for 3.5 years before we got engaged. BM was actually great...got remarried a month into our relationship and 2 new kids with her new husband...

The MINUTE the engagement ring was on my finger...she sued for full custody...and lost. Cost us $15k and put the biggest gray cloud over my wedding planning and special day.

SD is now 19 and an emotional wreck who cannot keep friends and thinks daddy is her personal go to guy for it all.

BM moved away and dumped her on us through HS...

So...even though I love him and he is awesome...for that one reason, I would say no. And I will tell you...my husband has had 3 rounds of cancer and is a very hard worker...I did everything for him...I am glad I was there to help him...but you cannot tell me that the stress that his ex put him through didn't affect his health...and I am still here...taking care of him and HER daughter.....

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:17pm

Up until Sunday night I would have said yes but after that fight I am not so sure. SD15 drives me crazy and the anxiety and stress I have is not worth doing again. I am sick of "you hate my daughter" now its "you are jealous of my daughter" I miss the stress free/anxiety free days that my daughter and I used to have before I met DH and SD. Maybe if she didn't live with us fulltime. I would have to think long and hard. I love DH and everything is great without her. I am miserable right now so I guess my answer would be no.

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:24pm

I was so pissed on Sunday night I wanted to make a banner and run all over town saying if you are in a relationship and he has kids RUN LIKE HELL!! I would never wish this on anyone. You really have no idea what you are getting into. It looks good on the outside, caring man, loves his children, children are sweet BUT THATS NOT THE CASE!!! They suck you in and then they change into evil specimens and by then its too late and you can't get out!! Guilty daddy, evil kids, they hate you, they are jealous, he thinks you hate his kids, he thinks you are jealous of his kids, then theres evil BM, child support, medical bills....

Run away and don't look back!!! Save yourself!!!

unsure99's picture

Submitted by unsure99 on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:35pm

It looks good on the outside, caring man, loves his children, children are sweet BUT THATS NOT THE CASE!!! They suck you in and then they change into evil specimens and by then its too late and you can't get out!! Guilty daddy, evil kids, they hate you, they are jealous, he thinks you hate his kids, he thinks you are jealous of his kids, then theres evil BM, child support, medical bills....

love that!!

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:25pm

I would have lived separately until AFTER his kid graduated from HS!!!! Then I would have married him. Maybe. Probably. Mostly.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:50pm

Ours is a two part issue.

First part is Uberskank (BM). Yes....it will get better after she graduates because we won't have to deal with her except for future milestones in DH's kid's life (college, marriage, babies, etc). Otherwise she will no longer be a factor in our lives.

Second part is DH's kid. I can't say for sure if she'll come back to haunt me after HS graduation. I've been very clear with DH on what I'd like our lifestyle to be once she's on her own. So I have a good chance of having an improved life in a little over two years......but I'm not holding my breath or buying lottery tickets yet. Smile

asheeha's picture

Submitted by asheeha on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 4:38pm

well...only a year in, my answer is still yes. it seems to be getting better...not bm or skids but dh and i and how dh handles them.

Sweetnothings's picture

Submitted by Sweetnothings on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 5:15pm

No, if I knew I would have to tolerate such behaviour from her sd21..... also my DH is like a totally different person away from skids, he's normal and lovely !!! Guilty Dad DH is not good...... Sad

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Submitted by RainbowsAndDaisies on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 6:04pm

No. Absolutely not. No way in hell. If I knew everything that I know now when I met dh, I would walk away without a second thought and never look back, poor ss. It has been absolute hell. Im sick of it right now. Totally thankless. Endless bullshit that I had no part in, that i have to deal with. If I divorced dh right now, you know what would happen? I would live in a nice, quiet little apartment, drop like 40 pounds instantly, and do really well in school.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 6:34pm

I have been with DH for 7 1/2 years. I would do it all over in a heart beat. Every crazy antic from BM, every strange behavior from SS... it is worth it all.