I've not been on here for a long long time. I got to a point where I didn't think it was healthy to obsess so much about things I had no control over so stopped writing this.
But now, things have progressed. I have been to therapy too to help me to cope with having to deal with two disturbed skids and their psycho BM...
last December my OH got a call from sd12 school, they explained to him that SD12 was being left waiting in a car park in the dark
After school for BM to pick her up. School finishes at 2.55pm she was still standing there at 5.30, sometimes gone 6pm..
So OH started to collect her instead, he would bring her to our house, feed her then take her back for 6 when BM would be home from work and SS9 gets back from the childminders. SS9 got fed up that SD12 was at our house every day and he was not, so OH started collecting him too and told BM to cancel her child minder. She went crazy and wrote to the school to try to prevent OH from being allowed to pick him up.. but the school had no authority to stop OH.
So since xmas hols, we have had the SKIDS every night after school, feeding them then returning them. The SKIDS behaviour has massively improved as a result! Last feb was BMs turn to have them for half term holiday, she didn't bother to turn up to collect them. She then applied to court stating she wanted an emergency contact order trying to make out that the children had been withheld from her...
they went to court last Monday, she wanted OH to go down to every other wknd and shared holidays only.. from having them 2.5 wknds a month and after school every day.
The judge thankfully saw through her and granted 50/50 shared custody, so in fact, she took him to court and she got even less time and we got more!! As it's 50/50 that also means no maintenance money needs to be paid to her anymore... she'll have to get cheaper clothes and hair cuts like I do now...
So we feel that we couldn't have got a better result and all this stress over her keeping the SKIDs when ever she gets a bee in her bonet about anything will hopefully be gone now... and if she breaks the court order, because there are also child welfare concerns, she may lose them altogether.

So I guess we will see what happens next. She is seething!! So will be plotting revenge no doubt.