Here we go again....
The holidays are ahread of us. DH and I were planning a 4 day weekend getaway for Thanksgiving. All was well....until yesterday. 26YO SD broke up with her live in BF and now DH has cancelled our plans - he wants to have Thanksgiving dinner at our home so that he can be there for SD. She was planning to spend the holiday with BF's parents and BM is out of town.
So of course, our plans don't matter. I will not be cooking dinner. He and SD can do so if they wish. Maybe I'll volunteer at a soup kitchen or do my own get away.
I am so tired of being last on the list and I feel petty for feeling this way. On the other hand, DH knows that SD and I hardly speak but has no qualms about asking me to change my plans and play hostess. This truly sucks!
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Ugh, I can almost relate. I
Ugh, I can almost relate. I think a situation like this is in my future.
Since the plans are already
Since the plans are already cancelled, try to make the best of it. Maybe if you try to talk to her on Thanksgiving she'll wake up and see that YOU and DAD where there for her when she needed someone. I would be pissed at DH. He owes you big time!!!
Glynne, I know you feel last
Glynne, I know you feel last on the list right now, I'm sorry your plans were ruined. I think it's a good idea to maybe volunteer somewhere but also maybe you and SD can make a small thanksgiving dinner together? I think you'd be sad at not having thanksgiving dinner for you and DH even if your original plans were cancelled. Put SD to work at helping make this holiday as good as it can be. I don't agree with DH just cancelling your plans like that but I also think SD should have a good thanksgiving too bc breaking up really sucks...your situation is lemons right now honey, I hope you can forgive DH and help him understand why this is so upsetting. I would be furious if my husband did this to me but I wouldn't let him and his kid ruin my thanksgiving.
"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*
Glynne when was your getaway
Glynne when was your getaway scheduled for? Starting Thursday?
I would have suggested that maybe push the getaway back a day. Have Thanksgiving with SD, then leave for the getaway on Friday or even Thursday evening instead. Where is SD going to be living at now?
I know that DH feels the need to be there for his daughter, having a daughter myself, I can completely relate, but at the same time, she is 26, not 16. Adjusting your plans seems reasonable, but completely cancelling them, especially without discussing it with you first, isn't IMO.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
Thanks all. We were planning
Thanks all.
We were planning to leave Wednesday night and return on Sunday. Smile your advice is very appreciated. That being said my history with SD is long and difficult. We tolerate each other - that's about it. After many years of her lies and manipulations I set some hard boundaries. No one on one time with her (due to her lies about me) I'm just on the pity pot right now - I've been working long hours and weekends (annual audit) and I really need a break. The more I think about the volunter idea the better I like it. I will offer to DH that we (including SD) volunteer at a soup kitchen or deliver meals to low income, elderly, homeless. If they want to join me - good. I will be nice to SD and maybe by helping others she and I can get out of our respective funks and focus on truly needy folks. How about that?
Glynne
It's so hard to get out of
It's so hard to get out of that "you hurt me and make my life hard" funk...I find myself there A LOT more than I care to admit! It is especially hard dealing with a "serial liar"...one that makes a career out of manipulation. Work hours and everyday stress really takes its toll on your ability to function properly and think straight but you seem to be balancing it well based on your willingness to try to involve SD in the volunteer work. I think you're onto something honey! There's nothing like doing for other people to make you feel accomplished and thankful ...sounds like SD could really use some perspective anyway.
"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." *Anais Nin*
Same thing happened to me a
Same thing happened to me a couple of months ago. We had planned a cruise and we were getting half off since being shafted last year by a hurricane. I was told that the cruise was the least important thing on his mind and that his kids came first. So we lose the deal we were getting because it expires in December and we wont be able to go before the year's end. I guess its something we all deal with.
Life is what you make it.
I thought about it, but how
I thought about it, but how would the kids get to school while Im gone?
Life is what you make it.
I'm going to do the
I'm going to do the volunteer thing. DH and SD can join me or not. Their choice. I'll do something positive and not spend my time in resentment. Yes, I could go somewhere on my own but I really don't want to. Volunteering is one thing that I always say I'm going to do and then I don't. Maybe something good will come of this.
Thanks all - I know that you know how this feels and that I'm not alone in this. That helps so much.
Glynne
You know thats a really good
You know thats a really good idea. The volunteering thing. How can they argue with you about doing something so selfless? I agree that you'd feel much better helping than wallowing in sad resentment which is exactly what I'D be doing if I had to sit there with those 2.
Life is what you make it.
If I were you, I wouldn't
If I were you, I wouldn't play hostess. I'd go to the spa and treat myself. Why should you miss out because of SD?