Help!!! My husband does not discipline his kid
first off, I know I’m not perfect and I know what my problems are therefore I do have an appointment with a therapist next month.
One of my problems: I’ve been married for 3 years and together for 6 years. My step son is now 12, up untill puberty started hitting things have gotten worse. Keep in mind, his mom does not care about anything, she’s isn’t reasonable, she’s manipulative and just not easy to work with. Anyway; I feel that ever since my husband and I got together, I’ve tried to make myself treat him like my own as much as possible. But about 6 months ago that all changed. He disrespected me on the phone (while he was with his mom). My husband told him and his mom that that was one thing he would not allow but he seems to be singing another tune now.
His son is in 6th grade and ALL year he has straight F’s. ALL YEAR!!! Still has his xbox, ps3, iPhone 8, watches YouTube all day and happily request all these other things that should be privileges. He climbed on to the roof off the school and tried to bring home about 6 of the schooo balls, then he took off in the scooter and went off about 2-3 miles away to his moms friends house and we ended up getting a call from his mom because her friend called her. He’s always been good about riding in front of the house but the past 6 months have been so he worst. He gets out of doing almost everything and anything just because his dad doesn’t want to discipline him. He’s a mix of the “guilty-dad” and also “friend dad”.
Anytime i say ANYTHING, I feel like the evil step mom. im hoping my therapist can help me find ways to not care about his grades or his behavior ( although I know that’s not the answer) because I make comments that I know I shouldn’t but I’m just so fed up. I don’t want my marriage to end in divorce because of this. Any advise will help
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Not caring about his grades
Not caring about his grades or behavior IS the answer. He has two parents and you aren't one of them. Let DH handle (or not handle) his son, and stop trying to have an influence on him. Set boundaries where you need to (not parenting, not being alone with him, not transporting, not speaking to him on the phone). All of that is DH and BM's job.
Don't be rude or act angry or anything - just let go of trying to make change and turn it over to DH. Focus on yourself and your life and your sanity.
Disengage
let guilty Daddeeee non parent his feral... when he enters up wearing orange you won't be surprised.
Thanks
I agree with all of you. However it is easier said than done. It’s hard when it’s happening i my house, and my daughters see the unfairness. I actually just spoke with my husband a few minutes ago about him seeking therapy to help with the guilty dad stuff. He said he understood where I was coming from but he didn't say much else. I did tell him that if we didn’t figure this out we would end up unhappily married or divorced. Neither one of us wants to divorce so hopefully he will also consider getting help.
Im typing on my phone so it hard for me to really vent and give full details. Really wish I had a pc right now lol.
Background info: I have 2 daughters 12 years old and 11 years old from a previous relationship, my step son is 12 and my husband and I have a 1 1/2 year old girl.
I look forward to working on staying out of that part of his life without it looking like I’m a disconnected step mom.
explain to your daughters
that DuH is ruining his own son by not caring enough to guide him through life and train/prepare him for adulthood.
Usually in these cases nature hates a vacuum so guilty dadeeees have to find some other kid to "crack down on" to balance his passivity with his own feral(s). That is almost always SM's children.
I had to roll my eyes again as Chef has deluded himself into thinking his "male influence" is what is responsible for my DS's career success!!! My DS was grown, finishing HS, working full time at age 17, starting college and enrolled in the AF on his own with a brief period of 3 months staying with us before he went to basic.
So Chef is taking credit for 3 months of "parenting" a 20 yr old holding down a full time B shift job and straight A student!!!
BWA HA HA HA HA
Chef can't even parent our rescue kitten!!!!
He said he understood where I
He said he understood where I was coming from but he didn't say much else
^^^^^^^^ Your H understands but is he going to do anything about it? It's fine that he acknowledges there is a problem but to not take action and remedy the situation is poor parenting on his part. I'd disengage 100%, remain cordial but anything to do with him direct to your H. If he's not willing to put in the work to raise his son than why should you be penalized for it.....