Stepson Blues.
I am really glad that I found this group because I actually feel like I am going insane. I have two children of my own who are 20 and 18. I thought that once they grew up I would have my freedom back and I was completely happy about that. Then 3 years ago I met my now husband who is also a father to 3 boys. The youngest boys ,who are 5 and 7 years old, I have absolutely no issue with. I don't like their useless and moaning mother but the kids are fine. The older boy, who is 12, he lives with us because his mother is alcoholic. I hate to say it and I have tried soo hard not to feel this way but I really truly cannot stand the kid. It is getting to the point now that I dread coming home and being around him because his voice makes my blood boil. He irritates the hell out of me. He constantly wants attention and talks absolute shit. He lies all the time. Everyone that meets him though thinks he is lovely because he's so polite. I thought the same till I realised its all just an act to get attention. In truth he is horrible. I'm sure he is trying to play me and his Dad off against each other because he complains about his Dad to me and then hugs him and tells him he loves him in the next breath and then his Dad tells me that he has been saying things about me to him but then he is nice and kiss assie to my face. I can't stand him. I can't help it. I have tried but I am getting to the point where I don't want to be in the same room as him and it is putting a strain on my marriage. When he's not around me and my husband are great. What do I do? Please help.
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Comments
You have a husband problem
He's not parenting his child. How long do you want to live dreading being in your own home? Is he with you 100% of the time? Are you better off or worse with the ball and chain that comes with your DH?
Welcome to the site!
It's a tough thing to live with someone who sets your teeth on edge. My only suggestion, if things are that bad, and you want to preserve your marriage, is to consider separate households for the next few years, until SS12 fledges. But then, a lot of these inadequately parented kids never manage that - my SDs are still both living with their awful mother at ages 23 and 25.
Why are either of you
Why are either of you listening to a child who is tattling on the other for attention? You should both be shutting him down as soon as he starts. It's time your husband started parenting his child and not just hugging him?
My ss was 17.5 when my daughter was born and told his
Dad essentially he could not acknowledge our daughter or be made to have a relationship with her because he was incapable of any affection and this was in response to hubby telling him how hurt he was ss refused to acknowledge our daughter and ss expected to live in our marital home indefinitely.
for someone who said that, he sure did blabbler off at hubby all kinds of false shit about me and our baby. He overexaggerated things, stretched the truth and painted me as a neglectful incompetent mother.
He told daddy in private that the baby cried all the time, why does it cry all the time?
hubby shut that down immediately because everyday hubby messaged me to ask how things were with bubs. Hubby immediately told ss babies cry for alot of things; (dirty diaper, hungry, too hot or too cold, comfort, tired, sick etc)
ss asked my husband "why do babies get sick?" They get sick like everyone else gets sick stupid. Your husband should be shutting down the lies and crap immediately. In my case it was absurd what ss said since his mum was a neglectful and abusive narc. I'm friggin mother theresa in hubby's book
Playing the Houses
SD14 and SD21 used to do this a LOT. They would complain about Toxic Troll BM to us and they would go to her house for visitation and then complain about us. SD21 Feral Forger would make up lies about me, TT would call DH about them and he would have to fill her in on the truth. She was never punished and there were never any repercussion for any of this.
When SD14 Munchkin would do this, I made a really big deal about it, and let her know that what she was doing was wrong and she greatly benefits with me on her side (Toxic Troll is useless, DH has his hands largely tied and tries). She got it, eventually. I still walk around on eggshells but its better than it used to be.
You all need to be a united team. Shut that chit down immediately and no hugs as reinforcement that this is a positive way to get attention. Time to have a BIG talk with your husband so he can see the big picture. If nothing changes, then try living apart for a bit. Life is too short to be as miserable as you sound.