Did I do wrong? I have questions, can you guys help? Please
SO I think I may have overstepped my boundaries with MIL.
SIL has recently married a guy who has a kid, so she has joined the ranks and now understands most of my frustrations for the past 8 years. SIL's SD ask MIL, her new grandma, what she should call her and I stepped in and said, "grandma, of course!!" :O ooopppsss, then I was quiet... uummm, did I just say that?? is what I said in my head.
MIL has always been a meddling MIL and has an opinion on EVERYTHING!! She started pushing SD to call me mom, WITHOUT consulting with me. Then BM told SD that I was her new mom so she could start calling me so, she regrets ever telling my SD that now.. lol, but I digress.
So MIL was put on the spot and after I opened my big mouth she said... "yeah, grandma is ok... I guess!"
Next question... any SM's or BM's of 10 year olds, is it still normal to tuck in a 10 year old? I don't mind it, its just that it she will throw a fit if DH or I cannot do it. DH works late most nights and I am the only one here at bed time, most of the time. I have to finish cleaning the kitchen, make sure that BS4 is showering (he showers himself, but I have to remind him that he needs to shower more and play less), get him ready for bed, clean up the dining table, set DH dinner in the micro for when he gets home, read BS a goodnight story and get him to bed, and the list goes on. Sometimes I don't have time to put her in bed, pull the covers over her and all those things. I tell her that if I have time I will go into her room and tuck her in, but if I don't then she needs to understand; she doesn't. I make sure I give her a kiss before bed, but sometimes I cannot tuck her in.
Am I making too much of this? This is the first time I have had a pre-teen in my care and not sure that I am supposed to do or what I'm not. Any constructive input is welcomed, Thank you!
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I know someone with A 12 year
I know someone with A 12 year old who still gets tucked in. I'm not sure it's normal but I think you just have to take the kid's personality in mind. My initial thought here is that if it were your own child, you would probably have more of this mentality: let them be little. One day they wont want you to tuck them in.
I guess to me it seems she is crying out for attention and a little alone time with you and your so. If it bothers you or you think she is too old to be tucked in, see if you can compensate in another area for some alone time with her. Before you know it she will be texting her boyfriend goodnight instead of wanting to be tucked in by you
When my BD was born, my SD13
When my BD was born, my SD13 (12 at the time) asked me to tuck her in bed after putting BD down. I think it's a mini-digression back to infancy. SD13 is mentally and emotionally between being a child and being a teenager. She's not going through the full-blown adolescent trip yet, so I am happy to still be able to tuck her in bed, hold her hand and cuddle with her. In a year or so, we'll lose that, so I'd like to make the best of what times we still have left before her BM brings her down against her father, me and her baby sis.
This SD is my precious (step)baby, she was born for me! I guess when you bond with a non-bio child like your own, it doesn't seem out of the ordinary to do the mommy-stuff no matter how many people keep telling you you're not the BM. (Anyway, being the BM is not synonomous to being a GOOD BM.)
As for the part about SD having a fit if you don't tuck her in bed, that's a bit dramatic, ideed, for a 10 yo.
With regard to MIL, she would have had a comment if you hadn't said anything anyway, so no big deal.
My BD12 still insists on me
My BD12 still insists on me tucking her in every night. I think the others are right on. It's hard to be between a child and a teen. They are still clinging to some small part of being a child. And yes, I encourage that. I have no wish to rush her into an unruly teen. If she's still 16 and wanting a hug and kiss each night at tuck in then I'll be there to do it. We have some of our best conversations just before bed when we are winding down. I think it helps keep us close. In so many ways she is growing up and being independent. I'll take this as long as she needs it.
I also remember being that age and wanting it from my mother. And she was rushed and stressed with all the things she needed to do to run our household. I remember feeling hurt and neglected because she didn't want to take a few minutes to tuck me in. I remember feeling hurt that I was 'too old' for that mothering.
Yes, doesn't most everyone
Yes, doesn't most everyone like being tucked in no matter what age??
Done with it... I would
Done with it... I would really appreciate if you no longer post your opinions on my blog. I am not interested in what you have to say or your point of view. You are in no way helpful or respectful and so I am not interested in what you have to say. I would have sent you a PM, but you do not have that option on your page.
You have yet to post any blog posts, or at least none that are available to the public, and so you are just someone who likes to read and toss your pennies around. Thanks, but no thanks. I will be deleting any future response, without reading it, so please do not bother! Have a great day
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Take this time and run with
Take this time and run with it!! Value it. It will change quick. It will go from being ok one day and not the next. Then two weeks later she desperately needs it again.
You might find moving to a new ritual more comforting to her in time - like sharing a coffee or tea.
It really doesn't take that much time and will say much more to her about how you value her. Even when she is totally pissing you off. It is a little act of love that can say a whole lot more.
Well said
Well said
I do not tuck in my Stepson,
I do not tuck in my Stepson, I leave that to DH. He does it...As for BS16 I think it stopped around 10. Now we just yell good night to each other.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the respectful comments and insight. I try and tuck her in as much as I can. If DH is home he does it, since he is at work all the time I feel this is time to spend with HIS child. I just sometimes feel so rushed and out of time that I want to tell her that she is too old to be tucked it, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
I am being honest here, does she annoy the crap out of me... YES, but I don't intentionally hurt her or deliberately make her feel like an outcast. I just didn't know how to handle the sitch. DH is very "macho" and he thinks that she is too old for a lot of things, i.e., she wants DH to carry her like he does BS4.. FOUR!!, lol... among other things, I guess I was just lumping this with other things she does and asks for.
In reality, I just wanted advice and suggestions. As I said, I do not want to intentionally hurt her, i just didn't know how to handle it when I am so stressed. Again, thank you all!!