I think I am making progress
I haven't really posted because I am TRYING to disengage. I am also a lot more stern with her. I still have to sorta walk on egg shells due to the fact that we have yet to go to court to actually get custody. I am not sure what to expect and so we don't really want to be too hard on her, well DH doesn't want ME to be too hard on her, and have her tell the therapist I am abusing her or something. EVERYTHING we do is wrong. I have a full-time job, my DS, my house to run, and (kinda) of a life; she (therapist) expects me to drop everything to ensure that all of SD's needs are met.
Example 1: SD just moved with us and so she is new to her school. She needed to be established with our pediatrician to so that we can turn in the physical test and vaccines papers to her school. There was never anything done thru the courts as to who was the primary or anything with SD. The only this that was in paper is that DH pays CS and we have an open custodial agreement. When BM feel to drugs we took SD from her and so my story begins. Well, I CANNOT take SD to the pediatrician because there is nothing in writing stating that I have any legal rights with her. According to HIPPA I cannot be spoken to about any of her medical needs, including her vaccines. Hence, I cannot take her to see the Dr. because they would need to give me information. OK... DH needed to get a couple papers notarized giving me permission, but guess what... HE DIDN'T!! SO I cancelled her first 2 appointments with the Dr.
We go see her therapist and she asks me why SD hasn't been seen by a DR. I tell her the truth. Guess who gets the stern talking to about SD's needs and how it is MY responsibility to schedule everything and HOW I am supposed to ensure DH gets me the papers. uuummm OK!! SAY WHAT???
Example 2: SD is set to meet with her mom, but DH is afraid because there is no court order stating that she is with us. If BM decides to run, there is NOTHING we can do... $3500 down the drain (lawyer)... so DH cancels the meet and greet. Guess who gets the lashing??? Yup, you guessed it, ME.
She tells me how it is messing her up and how she NEEDS to see her mother very badly. That by us keeping her from seeing BM we are causing more problems. I tell that the lawyer advised against it... what does she say???!!! SD, you need to speak to the lawyer and see if she can type something up. OR, you need to figure out a way to find how she can see BM in a safe place that you know she will not run the risk of running with SD. (this is my favorite part.. lol) BESIDES, I doubt that BM would really do such a thing. :O
OK, first... YOU DON'T KNOW BM... BITCH!!! The only source of income IS the CS that she is still receiving because DH is too lazy to stop it!!
WOW, I didn't know I was holding all that in. Other than that, things seem to be peachy!! I am also a bit less stressed because I told DH HE has to take SD to the therapist next appointment. I want HIM to hear how badly we are doing as parents. }:)
- gtrmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
IMO, your DH should be doing
IMO, your DH should be doing ALL the running to appts with SD. That therapist sounds like an @sswipe. Is that their only choice of a therapist?
You sound a lot less stressed. Well done! Take care of yourself.
Agreed! This is not your
Agreed! This is not your problem. The therapist is flat out wrong.
Usually for disengaging I say don't tell DH or skids what you are doing, however, in this case he'd hear about this specific thing from me.
DH: I will not be handling any legal/medical issues relating to SD because I simply cannot. Only you and BM are allowed to do this, so it makes no sense for me to try. IF you want her to go to the doctor's appt then you need to take care of this. The therapist chastised me about it and I will not be chastised for something that I cannot legally do.
I wouldn't be going to her therapist again either. That's bullshit. The other thing, dont' feel like because its a therapist or any doctor that you can't talk back. I would have flat out told the therapist "So in your expert opinion how should I go about handling all this if I have no legal rights due to Hipaa??" You put it back on the therapist to see how ridiculous her comments are, she will see.
Ohhh dear...it sounds like DH
Ohhh dear...it sounds like DH is slacking off because he's been allowed to. The therapist really should be involving him more as he is the bio parent. You can get a paper drawn up giving you authority...I suggest that you tell DH to get it done since he's the one giving you the authority...right? It's a minefield, truly, from my own experiences DH really was clueless about all the things parents (more notably mothers) actually did do for kids. I disengaged from disciplining them, giving them privelages and generally making decisions for them because no one liked how I did things. That's fine, I have a ton of other things to do! DH pretty soon saw all that I did, since he had to do it all, and he pretty soon saw how horribly entitled the SKids are, how much they demanded and protested and sulked and fought with each other and generally raised hell, ALL the things I was dealing with! He pretty quickly got the message, counsellors asked him some pointed questions and obliged him to consider a few things. I took counsel too, hence the disengaging. Self preservation! That or I would probably go nuts trying to effect changes in unwilling people...right? There's a point where kids have to learn the hard way if they will not listen, That goes for husbands too!
I do most of the appointments
I do most of the appointments & I think this is ludicrous. DH is responsible for his child, not you. You need a new therapist.