One step forward TWO HUGE steps back
I thought my SD and I were finally getting somewhat used to one another. Yes she still annoys the crap outta me, but I am learning how to live with it and not let it get to me. I think the reason she annoys me so much is because she looks JUST like her BM. Ohh well, I will learn to deal, but I thought we were moving forward. As I have posted before she calls me mom, I am the only SO she knows her BD with. My DH is never home, he works his ass off, and so the person that has always taken care of her has been ME and so she calls me mom. I have never had a problem with that but we have never truly bonded... ok, ok I say this in every post. I know, it just that I think that if I says it enough maybe I will guilt myself into actually wanting to bond before I am ready.
So anyway, today we all went out as a family to play tennis, SD10, BS4, DH and myself. After hitting the balls a few times and BS running his little butt off trying to catch all the balls, SD looks at me and says "uumm, mom, would you mind if you will please just go over there; I want to play with only dad. I don't want to play with you now, but you can stay here." There is only 1 tennis court in our complex and it's not like me and BS could have used the other half of the court because she asked if we could please move off. I was livid!!! I mean REALLY? It really hurt my feelings. She kept saying.. "you understand, right mom? I just don't want to play with you" umm, no I don't understand. Even though I know we have yet to bond I DO NOT exclude her ANYTHING. whatever BS gets, so does she. WHATEVER BS gets to do, so DOES she! I was soo upset, DH did not hear any of this, even though I said "ok, well I guess I am not good enough to play!" out loud he doesn't pay much attention to anything; he is a man! 
I came home, took a shower and continued doing the laundry. DH calls me and asks if I was coming back and I told him what had happened, he was upset as well, he wanted to yell and punish her, but I stopped him. I don't think it right for him to get after her, especially because we can use this as a learning opportunity. We were watching a movie as a family and during one of the down times she looks over at me and says, very matter-of-factly, "oohh BTW mom, I am sorry for not wanting to play with you." and turns bacj around to watch the TV. All I said is "ok, just watch the movie." When it was time for bed, I walked into her room and decided to have a talk with her.
I told her, "I accept your apology, but you have to learn how to speak to people. It really hurt my feelings when you said you didn't want to play with me. Would you like it if I told you, 'uumm, I don't feel like playing with youm I only want to play with BS; could you please go sit over in that corner? thanks' (she was rolling her eyes at this point) So i said, I don't appreciate the attitude that give me when I come talk with you. If you want me to treat you the way you treat me I can. Tomorrow I can play with on BS and take him places and you can stay here or sit on the corner, ok.? Now, I know you wouldn't like that so please keep in mind other peoples feelings!"
I know I may have sounded redundant, but she was giving me an attitude the entire time I was speaking with her, I wanted her to hear it one of those times I said it. uuugghhh, lets hope tomorrow is better!
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Hi gtrmom, while I
Hi gtrmom, while I understand you wanting to use this as a "learning experience" for SD, you're going to have to let your DH tell her off when she acts this way, otherwise, she may not get how horrible it is. I had to step back from SD (now 7) a number of times so that my SO could rip into her (verbally) for being a rude-ass to me. It's important for her to see that no matter what SHE thinks, she's not the one that makes the calls...daddy is the PERFECT person to reiterate this point & bring it home!
When my SD is in one of her "moods" the only thing to knock her out of it so-to-speak is when my SO starts telling her off...He's not nice about it but trying to reason with her just doesn't work when she's like this.
I'm going to go ahead & say well done to your DH for at least wanting to stand up for you! You've got to let him do it, otherwise, she's going to get worse...it doesn't sound like she was very receptive to your talk either.
While I understand you
While I understand you wanting to correct the situation in a calm manner, your Dh may very well need to be the one to put her in her place. Her attitude when you talked to her proves that point. Next time let him do his job and discipline her as he sees fit. Then, if it's not getting the job done sit down and see what you can come up with together.
I think you are doing the
I think you are doing the right thing. When issues between you and the step child arise a one on one is sometimes necessary. I think you handled it pretty well actually as you made it between you and your step daughter. There are times to involve daddy and there are times when step mom and step child need to have a come to jesus talk. If that does not work then bring in the big daddy guns to let the child know that you and the child's father are a UNITED front.
Yes MM...it seems obvious
Yes MM...it seems obvious that the one-on-one chat with SD went swimmingly...I suppose the rolling of the eyes during said conversation is proof that she is remorseful & intends to change?
In my experience, eye rolling is kid-speak for eff you...but I am willing to admit I'm wrong if indeed it's a new way of cementing an apology for horrid behavior?
ok, so you what you are
ok, so you what you are saying is we should NOT plan any family time? I really don't understand your post, the blog post was about how she was disrespectful towards me. I really am lost in what you are talking about, could you please elaborate?