I’ve had some challenges the past few months that upset me, but what surprised me most was my ability to rebound from them. No matter how down & depressed I feel, I can still find humor in the world & myself. I can still poke fun at my challenges, which makes them seem less… well… challenging. And the reason I noticed this is because when I was feeling my lowest I was still able to laugh at silly things. I was able to feel joy, even in the midst of my sadness.

There was a time in my early 20’s where I lost my joy & it’s been a lot of hard work to get it back. But while going through all that, I was able to learn to accept my bad feelings (my having feelings were a big inconvenience to my family as I grew up, so I ignored them) & deal with them. It’s been a lot of hard work to get my joy back, but I’ve got it now. I can be sad or angry, disappointed or whatever, but then turn around & tell a joke or make fun of the challenge in front of me & I feel better. I don’t feel overwhelmed or consumed by my bad feelings & I don’t feel like they can even bring me down.

For me, joy is like the glue that keeps my life together. Without it I lost hope & lost my freedom to be myself. I lost my self esteem & self value. I lost control over the things in my life, but the challenges I’ve been through lately have really pointed out to me that I have my joy back again. And now those challenges aren’t so rough… those feelings aren’t so overwhelming. I can be free to be myself & anyone who doesn’t like it better be prepared to be made fun of. My future is bright again & anything is possible. I can’t change the past, but oh well. Sh*t happens & life is better now anyway. People can’t affect me negatively as much anymore.

I’m really glad I came home, because the people I knew in Houston were so caught up in political correctness & occupied with what everyone else thought they had no sense of humor. They helped me recognize what was wrong with me & my situation so I could change it… they left me alone to deal with it emotionally, which is probably what I needed at the time… but they did not have the joy that I needed to be myself again. People at home at least have an abundance of joy & I’m so friggin grateful that I have it back again.

It is such a powerful positive force that seems to bring all the good things with it. So I hope 2008 is a year of joy for everyone here.

Happy New Year everyone.