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MY FAULT!

habsle's picture

I always feel like it's my fault. I don't know what to do. I am fusturated and angry.I'm upset. I'm hurt. I hate being #2. When I realized that I am #2 in the relationship, I feel like #2. When I say anything, he will use it against me. She said "...". I have been told before that he was going to have me arrested. But when I bring that up I am told taht this is now that was then. So how do I get the past stuff out of my head and heart to start over again. I think I've tried to start over but I always end up crying. When does the crying stop? I'm so confused. I am not me. I really don't even know who I am anymore. I've lost things that used to make me happy. I don't have anything anymore.I just keep writing things down in this blog hoping that something I say clicks in my head and wakes me up. I know it's all confusing but sadly that's how my head is working right now. I'm screwing up at work. I'm screwing up at home. I'm just screwing up all together!

Comments

giveitago's picture

When you give someone free rent in your head it's hard to evict them! Think back to before, the woman you were, how attractive you were.
We were all pretty gullible at some point in our lives, so you are no different to any of us there! Own up ladies! How many of us have been taken for idiots...at least once? LOL
What I need you to do is to start thinking much more positively about yourself, YOU! Not him, or anyone else surrounding you, YOU! You have a job, you have a home and you have a partner who really needs to see you as an independant individual. Do not talk about problems, change the topic and soften him up a bit. NO ONE likes to hear how they did someone wrong, correct? The first step you need to take is to get some counselling though, how many of your friends would you trust to advise you? An older relative? Someone you respect and admire can help you along the path of re discovering your own self. Or you could get professional counselling if your budget allows that.
What on earth did you do that could possibly warrant being arrested?
Do you have any paid vacation due to you at work? Is your boss willing to understand that you are experiencing some personal difficulties at the moment?
Try to arrange some YOU time, seriously, put on a smile and dig out some good memories,or watch a movie that stirs up good feelings inside.
The power of a simple smile is tremendous! Go look in a mirror and SMILE at yourself! See the eyes light up and know that your soul is in there, let it shine out!!
Only YOU can make the transformation back to being YOU, I wish I had a magic wand for you.
Dance too, it's very uplifting! Music, find your beat and move with it.
I wish you luck, YOU can do this!

habsle's picture

Thank you. Thank you very much! I am working on getting insurance through my job to help pay for counseling. Much more than I had wanted to pay especially since I don't have much control over finances. As for the arrested thing, he wanted me arrested for malnutrion since i refused to give him what he wanted. he wants me arrested for abuse when I make him do his homework.

habsle's picture

I have tried writing him a letter and it seemed to work for a short time. I am going to try counseling soon. Just have to see if my side of the finances can afford it. But he does make more than me so I think I should be able to take it out. Maybe he won't spend so much! Smile

Auteur's picture

You are at the point where a lot of us stepmoms come to. . . where we question our own sanity b/c we know that this is NOT the right way to raise a child; to allow the child to call the shots out of "fear of losing the child to the BM" (TM)

Here are some links to get you started, but the best course of action is what Stacey13 recommended. . .GET OUT NOW!!! Guilty-disney-doormat daddy never goes away. It might appear to allieviate for a little while but comes back in full force at any given moment.

http://steptogether.org/help.html
http://webspace.webring.com/people/jh/histigerlily/makeevil.html

I also have a personal compilation of similarities of the extremely disfunctional family dynamic when there's a guilty-disney-doormat daddy, a PASinator BM and skids who are playing both parents for all their worth. I don't have it on me b/c I'm working from a pc that I'm fixing at home. I keep NOTHING like that on any home computer b/c the biodad I live with would start WWIII and chances are I'd be six feet under. He is UBER UBER UBER sensitive about his PASed out kids and the BM that he still is scared shitless of.

Ifeeya's picture

habsle-stay where you are, you know you want to. Stacey-please call your ex and just get him back, you also know you want to.

So, just do it! And stop complaining and making it out like you are the victims.

You chose to be in this situation. No body forced you. Remember?

Ifeeya's picture

I predict that you will get back with your ex who has kids one day.

It always the DH who leaves, not the SM. Quote me on this.

Ifeeya's picture

Echo-oh be quiet please. Nobody voted you to be the leader of the pack here. You seem to whine as much as the BM these days. The truth hurts sometimes. I only speak the truth. You seem to condone the whining behaviors. This site has become a forum of whiners. You are just a whiner.

habsle's picture

I am not a victim unless you are using the definition "one that is tricked or duped" (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/victim) I am coming to this blog to get help so that way I can see whether or not I am truly getting "tricked or duped". Getting help does not make you a victim. Also, I'm unaware of where you got the opinion that I want to leave. I have said before in my posts that I fell in love with this man knowing I have a package deal. Please, read the rest of my posts. I did chose to be in this situation and I'm trying my best to make the most of it and have everyone on the same page.

Auteur's picture

I agree that StepHell is HELL, however a lot of women come on this site post breakup with guilty daddy just to reassure themselves (by reading all the hellish posts from SMs that are still in StepHell) that they have done the right thing. It's a slow and arduous healing process.

giveitago's picture

Who's that trit trit trotting on troll's bridge? LOL Tis I!
Hey, everyone's entitled to their opinion...

For me my marraige vows were given and recieved, his likewise, and we love each other very much.
He's the typical Disney daddy, he's learned a lot over the last 8 years and we've grown together more and more.
Of course he still irritates me like hell sometimes, I am sure I irritate him too. We are having fewer fights lately, it used to be every three to six months we'd have a real blowout!
It's been a hell of a struggle until DH saw my perspective on things but now I am feeling that he 'gets it' and it's all been worthwhile.
SKids are grown now too, they are at the point where my consistency has impacted them and they now recognize why I did what I did and said what I said 'back then' as they call it.
I looked at things from other people's perspectives too, I think if I'd endured half of what the two youngest endured I'd lash out too! Older SS has been to hell and back, he's a stronger person for it too! SD is just coming into her own lately, she's been a total nightmare from age 11 until 18 and is due to be released from secure juvenile detention. Younger SS is living with BM and I just know the shit will hit the fan there pretty soon...we are hearing rumblings now! SS was not kicked out and he can come back, he needs to remember respect and courtesy though! Now that daddy is out of the park (Disneyland) he's making the required decisions, a helping hand now and again with vehicle maintenance and more general 'dad' stuff.
DH is now being less passive. He's now standing up for me as his wife much more often and I like that! I had to create ALL my own boundaries though, establish MY OWN self here and be ME! It's a long struggle but I believe that love does win out.

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