Brief history, of course BM and two step daughters despise me. BM assaulted me the first year of my husband and I dating and to this day I wish I would have had her arrested and pressed charges against her as the police advised me to.She begged for my forgiveness and said she'd change if I would not press charges. She never changed just became more so.  She's incredibly jealous because of my modeling career and has imposed that insecurity on the daughters. Both girls have psychological problems, have been in therapy but it's not helping because their home life is dysfunctional. We entered couples therapy after that as I refused to date a man that would not stand up to his ex and kids. He promised in therapy he stand up for himself and our relationship. Of course I believed him. He does have balls for a brief time but then returns to his ball less nature.  Anyway, 4.5 years later, I married this man. I love him dearly but would probably not marry again because he never takes a stand for anything he promises to for very long. After many counseling sessions he agreed to only have contact with BM unless it's an absolute emergency. When we entered counseling, counselor suggested husband and I cease contact with BM unless it's Parent Wizard. My husband says he hates to hear the name of his ex wife and that she makes him nauseated but it's come to my attention that they are texting one another(kids) but our advice was to stay away from since she's toxic. Both girls have cell phones and he can communicate with them if he needs to know how they are doing. I once again feel like the outsider when it comes down to what really goes on behind my back. I don't play that crap desperate new wife BTW. I have two sons from a previous marriage and I always have my now husband present when I have any conversations with my ex husband. I feel like it's the respectful thing to do. Both husbands daughters are pure trouble, no class and are being raised by a low moral and money hungry mom. All they know of their dad is to take money and I blame that on my husband, not BM. I know most of you are going to say it's ok if he talks to BM only if it pertains to kids. But keep in mind the history we have with her and what we've been advised to do to safe guard our marriage. Once you let her back in and she thinks you're a ok with that, all the shit starts back up. She even sent my husband a Happy Birthday last year. Once again, they are not friends, that's what he tells me so why would she be doing that? I would expect my husband to feel the same way if my ex husband had assaulted him and here I am conversing casually about what kids are up to. It just seems off to me. Husband and I talked about it and of course he says it's about the kids but I feel there is more talking going on than I'm aware of. Not saying he's interested in her, she trash Trust me, if the shoe were on the other foot, he's be mad as hell. Will these husbands ever be able to just focus on one household? I feel like I'm being deceived in my own marriage. How do you keep your understanding and self respect for yourself all at the same time?